The Ex Files.....(rolling up the eyeballs and yawning....)

I guess this is going to be one of the cliche stories, amongst millions,about someone, bumping into the ex. Yes, talk about the Ex Files. I ran into mine the other day and the thing that amazes me most,is how a little glimpse could open up a huge Pandora Box.

I'm not going to talk about how we met, or how we broke up. You can get that from watching the telenovelas or movies from Bollywood. There are hundred reasons for two people to meet up and billions of reasons for them to break up. No. Things begin as well as end. That is destiny. I'm not going to talk about what and why it is destined, rather, how we handle that destiny.

Somewhere between "goodbye" and "one last cry", there is this huge space filled with mixed emotions, weaving, intertwining, overlapping,co-existing emotions of emptiness, anger, bitterness, sadness, gratitude, bewilderment,dejected, despondent, rejected,ergo there will be a point where it makes you wonder, why do we keep falling in love, only to have that love die,and you, in utmost pain, picking up the pieces.

Then when time passes on, you begin to accept the fact that thing have ended and whatever said and done,he/she is gone. Sometime you sigh in relief, because breaking up is hard to do, but sometimes, breaking up is necessary. Deciphering and digesting this fact makes healing faster. But when you realize that, the person who had walked out of your life, or who you've walked out on, is a person you cannot imagine your life to be without, then, there is a possibility that you may never heal at all.

Of course there are many sad songs to make you cry. Crying helps really. Then you talk about it. Gradually, insidiously, you begin to realize, that the crying gets lesser, and you smile more often that you did the days before. And you know, you are on the road to recovery.

Then you've recovered fully, or so you thought, until one fine day, you bumped into that person you use to love. In that few instances, you will be forced of a verdict on whether you have actually recovered. Because how catastrophic your heart beats could possibly be a way to measure that recovery.

Out poured the contents of Pandora Box and the next thing you know, you're listening to suicidal songs in mid afternoon again. Then the recovery process repeats itself.

If you are lucky, you may fall in love again, but you know,deep within you, unexplainably, that it may or may not be as good. Alas!! It may even be better. Maybe you will learn in the next relationship, that love doesn't really have to hurt after all. That previous hurt made you wonder, should I or should I not get involved again? Then there are the "ifs"...what if it works, what if I end up where I started,in pain. Can I live through that pain a second time around? You will be drowning in an abyss of uncertainty. But you know you have to go on in life, as it is pointless to stay melancholic forever. Life, have to go on, no matter how cliche it sounds when people tell it to you. Perhaps the most annoying thing would be, that you know they are right.

The saddest revelation someone could have when the love of his life walked out the door,is the feeling she left you. It makes you feel worthless. You tell yourself good things to pacify the hurt, but deep down, you cannot escape that feeling of worthlessness.

So it brings me back to the question, "if love hurts like hell, why do we keep falling in and out of love?". Well, I'm no genius, but I figured, to be able to recognize and appreciate true love, perhaps you need to experience a few degrees of love. I hate to say it, when it comes to love, you're damn if you do and damned if you don't...until you find that true love, if you are lucky enough that is...

There is a positive side to this whole emotional mess that I've gone through. I use to take for granted that love is for everyone, until I missed that boat. As I browse through life and and love,sometimes taking my time when all is worth, I begin to actually comprehend, what Nat King Cole meant when he sang,
"The greatest gift, you'll ever learn,
is to love
and be loved in return"
Something I've known all along, but never really deciphered, until of course, I deciphered.....

Love is a gift. Marriage is the bonus. A lasting marriage between two people who love each other,truly, is a miracle......
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