Sometimes.....

Sometimes, when my hormones get the better of me, I’d sit in a corner and indulge in self-pity. I’d wonder how nice it would be to just sit around in idle, not having to work too hard (well, I spend a lot of time being at work. What I do at work is a different matter altogether ), yet have the money coming into the bank account. I’m sure I’m not alone in this.

My kid would laugh at me saying, “YOU, ummi….not working !!? You can’t even sit still when you’re sick!!”, when I voice out my jadedness and for a few minutes, my mind would be off the actual issue that was bugging me, diverted to trying to figure out, which one was more annoying, being laughed at by your own child , or what she was laughing about.

My hubby use to say to me, “Relax laaaaa”. Then again, he’s the anti-me who had no problem over-relaxing. In fact, that was why I called him, Relax Singh…(my hubby’s Punjabi by the way), when I was annoyed with him for refusing to help me out a little around the house. Not to generalize, but if you’re married to a Malay or Punjabi, or Indian, you’d be lucky if they can locate where in the house, the kitchen is.

Although fidgeting is a good method of loosing weight, not being able to relax is not really a good thing. Even on holidays, unless I’m reading a gripping book, only then I’d be able to sit and relax by the ocean. In fact, back in campus, a close friend of mine use to call me, “The restless soul”. Sounded very Red-Indianish indeed, only I am not red nor am I Indian. I’m just restless…

Unlike the women b.w.l (before women’s lib) who struggled for equal rights with men, the women of today are blessed with choices. I don’t get women who want to be equal with the men though. Equal rights yes, but equals? Women just can’t be equal to men, and vice versa. Well, for starters, women can’t pee straight and men cannot think straight when they are staring at our boobs. But if equal rights you are talking about, well, then there’s something there.

I can’t help but wonder sometimes, are women making their lives miserable by opting to jump into life on the fast lane, at par with the men? We were doing fine sitting at home, baking them pies, sorting out the bed sheet, taking care of the household and running them, until some smart ass woman put it in our simple minded heads that that is cheap labour. Come on. Think about it. Weren't we not smarter than men those days? By merely using our charm, we make them work to the bones to sustain our lives and the lives of our children, while we get away with the home chores, of which we love to do anyway.


Now, not only most women have to get up early to get our butts to work and earn a living, some may need to punch in the clock for another job the moment they punch out of the office, when they reach home, and that would be resuming as the maid. Of course nowadays, both partners working would mean we can afford the maid but seriously, can we afford to sometimes loose our cool, not to mention our minds putting up with these so called house helpers. The only thing some may be good at helping is themselves, when we are not looking, but let’s not indulge in this maid story, this may take an entire post by itself.

To answer the question whether women have made the mistake of fighting for equal rights and find ourselves where we are today. Well, I guess that depends, on what you define as “worst”, what your priority in life is, and whether you are a good multitask-er, or a multitask-err. If you think the best for your children is to stay home and be a homemaker, than there’s nothing wrong with that, in fact, homemakers are as noble as any other noble job can be. If you think staying home will make you crazy and depressed, well then, an unhappy mother is not a good mother. An unhappy wife is even worst. If you think you can juggle both, then by all means juggle it better than the clowns. Whatever it is, women have to realize that, we need to be true to ourselves. Whilst giving is a good thing, but you need to give it sincerely, otherwise, resentment may set in sometime somewhere.

As much as I’d like to stay at home and be the most remarkable homemaker, I can’t. One, because I’m a single parent but frankly, even if I’m not, I’m not cut out to be a homemaker. It takes a remarkable woman to be able to be a full time home-maker and fidget-ers like me may end up driving my family up the wall if I don’t go out there and mingle with the rest of the world. Having an aching body from getting up very early in the morning is a small price to pay. I’ve tried staying a home, and we’ve decided that for the sake of my sanity, and the sanity of those around me, it’s best to let me go to work. Again, I’m sure there are many more women who are like me.

In a way, we are masochists. But staying home may make us masochists AND a sadists. Although we think and dream of sitting idle with a fat account backing us up, but in practice, we are just not designed to live that way. Oh well,. Come to think of it, that’s what holidays are for…..

One thing remains true. The women of today, owe it big time to the women who fought under the banner of “Women’s liberation” for without that victory, women would become shun of the most important basic human right, and that would be “having choices”…
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He

The absence of the ring on his fingers made him look three times more attractive and promising, the first time we laid eyes on each other. He was clad in his khaki colored Bermuda shorts and white t-shirt, all sweaty from running around in the park playing with kids. Nothing melts my heart than watching a man, who show the simplest act of kindness like opening the door for old folks, or helping them with the overhead baggage, or a man fooling around with little kids in a non-pedophile manner. Of course, everybody loves a person who is kind. He’s kind the kindness reflects in his eyes every time our eyes lock in a gaze.

Strong and silent accept when there is the need to communicate, and when we do, we’d be able to talk about nothing or everything. An old man once told me that the secret to the longevity and happiness in a marriage, is good communication, great conversations and are able to laugh together, not at each other. He was married to his wife for more than 3 decades and they still sneak off together for a quiet date. He’d hold her hands when crossing the road. I just love watching them together. So yes, my man is a good conversationist. Feel good conversations gets him everywhere, including the G spot. It’s something for us to hold on to, after the body starts to hit past half-life decay.

He is intelligent yet down to earth and definitely not a megalomaniac. He submits to the Higher Being, live righteously or at least attempts to do so. Spirituality is kind of a sexy trait to me. Hmm….maybe I’m not alone in this. Obviously those who scream “God oh God, don’t stop….god” was being spiritual even at the time when they are suppose to loose their minds.

We have utmost respect for each other and even though we disagree with something, we’d try to work our way around it, compromise otherwise sacrifice. Or we would simply agree to disagree, not attempting to change each other to the point of damaging the beautiful relationship. I accept his short cummings ...I mean, shortcomings, as much as he accepts mine. After all, the perfect man or women, the perfect relationships only exist in our minds. The moment I gave up looking for the perfect man, I found a man who, together, we are perfect for each other.

Occasionally we fight but the making up makes us just want to fight for the heck of making up. Companionship is hard to come by. When one finds it, should try to keep it as long as one can. Occasionally, we will go about doing our own thing, so that we will have the time and space enough to miss each other. Some may call that the rubber band effect, but I'd call it just what it is, needing me-time and space. Besides, men don't like anything that spells rubber.

I would caress his hair and sing him to sleep whenever insomnia prevails. He would offer a simple gesture such as offering me a back rub or massage my feet whenever fatigue envelops me. Sometimes, I would cuddle up to him when I feel down and out, when I feel that the world is caving in on me…and he’d offer me his strong shoulder to cry on…and a strong arm that wraps around me, warm yet tender and he would know that that is the most rotten time to offer me any solution. For that sacred moment, all I would need is a strong shoulder and a good patient ear to relief my emotions…a true friend. And I know that he knows that I'd do the same for him when he needs to mend his ego.

We would go dancing sometime or perhaps catch a movie. He would occasionally surprise me with cooking for us, nothing sexier than a man cooking for his woman. Then we’d go to bed, reading, or browsing the net, exchanging thoughts. We would sneak quietly into the kitchen to look for food after making love, then go back to sleep only to wake up to make love all over again, wake up late on Sunday mornings…lazing around after breakfast in bed…it just makes it a perfect Sunday morning. Wait, perfect would be lazing around in bed with the one you love, on a Sunday morning, in one of those mornings that looks like it’ll last all afternoon.

It’s mandatory that we stay honest, loyal to each other, and trust each other simply because they are part of the pillars of any good, long lasting relationships. And when we are old, we’ll just hold hands and sit on a bench and watch the sun set…


Ah well, love is just love. Marriage on the other hand is about love with good timing. Marriage,to me is when two people in love are committed to one another for as long as it will take, exchanges their vows with each other, witnessed by God. It's not just a piece of paper people sign, it is beyond that. In fact, the paper have got nothing much apart from legal reasons with marriage. It is possible for two people committed in a relationship to outlast and outshine any marriages. (maybe it has something to do with the absence of in laws?) The problem is, we think that we can choose who we fall in love with….

My problem however, is totally a different one. The man I just told you about…well…..I just haven’t met him yet.

Please take a listen to this wonderful song in this video...it gives me the daisy effect, each time I listen to it :-D


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