A heart for a heart

I have to say,I enjoy the feeling of being emotionally dependant on that one special person, until I realize that I'm actually emotionally dependant on that one special person. I know..Oscar Wilde is right when he said "Thinking kills romance" .. So what is he saying? Only idiots find romance? Just imagine the power he has that can be used against me....I can just imagine in my death certificate whereby in the box to fill stated "cause of death" or "COD" is written the word "Love". Death by love. Hmm...someone may think I died from overdose of it. Is that even possible? Complication of love perhaps, but love per se...nope...I don't think that is possible. At least I've never seen anyone dying with a smile across their faces from the contentment of love. I'm beginning to rant like an idiot. But then again, I'm in love. That explains it.

Not just that. Many things may explain it too, love I meant. Like writing or saying things to him that if I were to hear some other couples in love uttering them to each other, may prompt me to search frantically for a vomit bag. Then there comes a point where I get into this panic attack. Shit!! I gave him my heart!! My heart for god's sakes!! What a stupid thing to do!! One don't just give anything away just like that!! Nobody gives their limbs away. Well, maybe their organs, but that is mostly after they're dead. It's my heart, my most vital organ for christ sakes! I mean, I have no qualms lending my brains to those brainless people who irritate me on daily basis..but this is my heart we're talking about!! What if he rips it apart, slash it into pieces, cook it with red wine and claim that red wine is in fact good for the heart just to make himself feel better... But I can't take it back either can I?..my heart I meant...because when I don't have a panic attack, my heart feels quite good just comfortably rested on the palm of his warm hands. Fantastic actually. Or should I use the word euphoric? Yes..euphoric. But what if he smash it suddenly to pieces???

 Wait a minute...I just remembered a very vital thing...heh..heh..heh...I've got ransom come to think of it...an eye for an eye...or in my case, a heart for a heart. Heh heh heh...I just remembered he gave me his heart and it's now lying comfortably resting on the palm of my warm hands. I can do all those things I imagined he could do to me. Hmm....he hurt my heart, I'll hurt his...then what? Damn it! I've gone through too many heartaches and heartbreaks before I found him. I guess fear, in little doses could mean a good thing. It means that he matters enough to make me worry about getting hurt again. But there is something different about this time around. Maybe it's intuition... I have to just learn how to control my panic attacks. That's it. But how? Well, maybe by telling myself, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"...ah well, if all else fail, there's always prozac....

 Ah well...I may not know how things will be in the future, one can only try their best to keep things going and intact...nor will I know if at any point of this relationship we will end up hurting each other...It's a price to pay for love....but what I know for sure is that, while love last, so will the euphoric feeling that comes with it.. what else can I say, except...I hope both of us will enjoy and cherish this moment... Okay..I hear someone calling out for a vomit bag..I get it..I'll stop now before someone actually vomits out blood or something.. Here's a song that carries how I feel right now...and get your own vomit bag please...
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