40andnotsaggingyet

Funny girl

2010-08-21T17:37:00.001+08:00

Funny
Did you hear that?
Funny
Yeah, the guy said
"honey, you're a funny girl."
That's me
I just keep them in stitches
Doubled in half,
And though i may be all wrong for a guy,
I'm good for a laugh,
I guess it's not funny,
Life is far from sunny,
When the laugh is over
And the joke's on you,
A girl oughta have a sense of humor
That's one thing you really need for sure
When you're a funny girl
The fella said "a funny girl"
Funny
How it ain't so funny,
Funny girl

Some things that makes you go hmmmm....

2010-08-01T20:31:00.018+08:00

I was singing away to Jamie Cullum's song whilst trying to restore the color of my car simply by washing it, (I too, sometimes forget that it's not gray color...but red when it's washed), when my eyes were suddenly feasted upon another pair, that seemed to be observing me. He looked like he was having some kind of deep thought, head tilted to one side but not drooling simultaneously. His eyes were full of queries, bewildered, as though I was the ultimate mystery and he the Sherlock Holmes. In Hollywood, I would have love to think that this scene was one from a Romantic Comedy blockbuster, and those pair of eyes boring into me belonged to Clooney. Unfortunately, this is real life and in real life, romance don't really exist. I guess that is why romantic movies gets the thumbs up because if it is common, then it won't be anything special to watch.

Anyway, those pair of watchful innocent eyes belong to my neighbour's son, around maybe 9 to 10 year old. After wondering for about 2 minutes, as to why I was a mystery to him, I realized that it could not have been because I look like a mummy, I mean the actual Egyptian mummy, as I don't even look like someone's mommy and I did comb my hair that morning. Then it dawned to me. He was curious as to why a woman was washing the car. I guess he's not used to seeing a woman doing a man's chores.

My neighbour, that particular one, are one of those people who think embracing Islam is converting into Arabs. They certainly dress like Arabs, but well, at least the wife is not clad in one of those "can see a pair of eyes only" hijab. About that attire, I was told that women wear those so that men won't get steamed up looking at them. Have it occurred to anyone that maybe the reason for them to wear that, is for the women to curtail steam from being visibly seen evaporating from them as a result of looking at the men? Just a thought.

Anyway, I have nothing but neighbourly respect and amiability shown towards them whenever we bump into each other, although the husband, who was friendly to me, up until he learned that I'm a widow, tries his best to "lower his gaze" after the revelation. Actually it's fine by me, because it's less one person to have to crack a smile to when I don't feel like smiling. And I thought that "Though shalt not covert thou neighbour's wife" was merely an urban legend....

I guess it's the culture. When you're a widow, you are a WMD to any marriages apparently, well to the insecure ones I guess, not that that is my problem. I don't blame the insecure wives either, but I wish people should not stereotype people. If I'm a home wrecker like Angelina Jolie, which I'm not since I don't look anything like her, (albeit I am capable of acting a femme fatale, if I want to), I would have been re-married a long time ago. Can't help it if I don't look depressed, worn out, dressing down for the occasion or however it is a widow is suppose to look like. I do what I like anyway. I don't try to fit into society, I make society fit into me :-D

My principal is simple. If you don't like looking at me clad in skimpy attire, and that you're too "righteous" and all, then stop looking. Look away from something that can dissolve your marriage, just like how a cross can dissolve one's iman according to some of our Muftis. I think the Muftis today are bored of looking for the anak bulan and never being able to locate it, like ....ever....so they are now indulging in becoming comedians instead. Can you blame them? You think it's not boring just sitting around polishing the Mohor Besar Raja Raja, and only get to use them 2 times in a year to deliver the Muslims the same sad news of not being able to sight the anak bulan? Oh but I digress.

Speaking of culture, I remember once when I was caught kissing my late husband just outside the house. Well, it was very early, how was I to know that there were people up and about at that wee hour of the morning, let alone kids. My late hubby was in the car and was about to pull off the driveway when I ran out to hand him his wallet, that he had left on the dining table. So he pulled me through the side window and gave me a kiss, enough to say that it was a little bit too French than intended. As I withdrew my face from the window, and turned around to head back into the house, I saw this two of my neighbour's kids just frozen in their steps, eyes wide, pupils dilated and mouths agap. Poor souls, we must have shocked them to their very cores with what they saw. I gave them my Julia Roberts smile and winked at them, turned around to throw a glance at my hubby just in time to catch him smiling at me. I wonder today, what impact we may have posed on those kids. I hope it is a positive one. I hope they learn that it is okay to show love in a form of physical touch.

I guess we Asians are a bit introverted when it comes to demonstrating our feelings in a form of physical gestures to one another. I can relate to that, because I was one of those people. That changed when I married my hubby. He was a Punjabi. And it was a bit of a cultural shock that everyone seem to be hugging each other tight and kissing each other on the face. I remember the first time when I met my parents in law. I bowed over to kiss their hands, a Malay culture to show respect for the elderly, and in return, they hugged me tight and kissed me. I remember wondering if I'd be crushed to death by my mom in law, with good intentions. She's kind of obese and I was 42kg, so I think you can just imagine how the scene would look like. But it gave me this unfamiliar warm and fuzzy feeling inside....

Back to the boy, that look he gave me was priceless. It was total honesty, that only a child can reflect in his eyes. This is the point where it all begins. This is where children are restricted in their minds as to what defines the role of a woman and a man. Seldom boys are taught to cook in the kitchen because "it's a woman's job" to do so. Girls are not allowed to do manly chores because it's "unlady like".

Question. Why do we restrict our kids from doing everything so that they will grow up to be self sufficient being? Some men marry women simply because they need a home maker to run things domestically, so that they would come home to a organized household. Most Malay girls are taught that, as long as they keep their duty as a wife (that includes running the household single-handedly, feed the husband, feed the kids and "feed" the husbands at night), then it is okay for them to go out there to work for the money. I never understood that really . Women expect the same from men, for them to perform their manly duties.

Why not husband cook for a change (god nothing is ever so sexy than a man cooking for his woman), and women wash their cars? Think about it. Is that so bad?

Why do we keep doing dumb things or not doing good things, insisting it's "preserving the culture"? Why can't we just all become eclectic ? Think about it...

I look to you...

2010-07-29T11:18:00.017+08:00

Notice how some songs, enabled by a calming ambiance, have this magnetic pull, dragging us back into the creases of our minds, to a certain time, a certain moment perhaps? And that is why I don't listen to mushy songs when I'm on the way to work. Apart from making me drive like a ermm...pussy, I tend to get all mushy and in sentimental mode by the time I reach my work place. Oh, those malingerers would really love to see that happening don't they?

That song, Neyo "So sick of Love Song" is suddenly humming in my brains now.. ..I guess it kind of work both ways....certain sentences or instances makes you recall certain songs. I use to sing some phrases in between them talking, sometimes, only to certain friends of course, driving them up the wall ....we can't deny that most of the songs playing on the radio is about love...no wait...actually nowadays it's more about sex...don't let me start on that one....suffice to say that producers now are competing to put in as much sex as they can in 4 minutes. ... Pff...talk about musical Quickies. (ah yes...Madonna/Timberlake's "4 minutes" is playing in my head now)

Oh, let me just share it with you, just to digress...

I grew up listening to Whitney Houston, amongst many. She was at the height of her popularity when she committed the biggest career suicide of all. She married Bobby Brown, and no, I don't really listen to Brown's songs not because he's brown, but I don't really fancy his songs. I much preferred Loudness to him. And her journey have been downhill from that point onwards. Actually it was Jill who fell down and both Jack and Jill came tumbling down together...unfortunately, this video have not been created yet..

We've all been there before, right? Same old story. Girl meets boy. Some heartache eventually happen at some point of the relationship. We break up , part, go our separate ways ... and we start listening to songs like this;

Craig David - Walking Away

eric | MySpace Video

And some bastards we broke off with, deserve this song; (or sometimes we happen to deserve this dedication)

But being human, we tend to repeat the cycle of love, unless we have been hurt more than necessary. It's the masochism in us i suppose. It's like, once we've tasted the taste of love, we keep going back for more otherwise there will be this constant nagging craving in our hearts no matter how much we try to deny it. Injured big time, we retreat for a moment until our hearts are healed then we move on, to the next cycle....or maybe not...who's to tell when it comes to love...and we are not talking about love for our employers here folks... we only love them during end of the month and end of the year...(ain't got nothin' but love baybe..... Whitney's song playing...my head is a walking Ipod really)

But we gather experience as we go along. I guess it's true what they say, that it's better to love and get hurt, rather than never to experience love at all. It's a bit irritating that one has to experience series of almost endless crappy "love" just to get to the worthy one, which sadly, isn't many. (and that is why they make that song, "Endless Love" and not "Endless crappy love" because no one wants to hear about something they live up to, instead, prefer something they can fantasize with)... I suppose it's God's way of making us value the worth of that rare true love. Then again, as we gain experience, we too change as an individual and the game of love changes too. Frankly, I think it's just hormone compatibility for the bigger purpose of life - procreation...God is laughing up there...

You do realize that I don't know what the fish I'm ranting about right? But if you find any console or even truth in what I'm verbal diarrhiating, then by all means, please resume reading and I hope you learn something from this destructive piece of literature I'm writing. I'd like to think as myself as contributing to the world with my crappy writings.

Amongst many songs, this song to me carries a deep meaning, not just for me, but I can bet my bottom dollar to many men and women out there. Please listen to it's lyrics..it's powerful. Oh, don't forget to close your eyes while listening...(obviously not while you're driving)

If there's anybody who could feel the song as much as any one of us, women and men, it would be Whitney. She's the epic Hollywood story of a superstar, who fell in love with the just the wrong guy, and by God, did they not went to the dumpster with that...

This song however, to me, is about something many a times you and I have overlooked, love for ourselves. I've been down in an abyss of sadness. Turned out, there is no such thing as an abyss in life as I realized when I fell with a thud onto the bottom of a pit of which I thought was an abyss. Fell hard, injured myself pretty bad, I had to stay stagnant there for a while to accommodate healing. Then in the midst of sadness, as I realized more sadness is not going to make any difference, I looked up, instead of being angry at God (well, temporary insanity due to depression), I saw the light. No, not the one that people see just before they allegedly die.. I realized, that, if I'm at the bottom of the pit, there is nowhere else to go, but up from that point on.

When the tears that constantly filled my eyes cleared, I finally saw a clear view from where I stood. The only way I was ever going to get out of the pit, is for me to get up and get out of that pit. There was no hero in some embarrassingly tight at the wrong anatomical parts suit came to rescue me. The hero was within me. And so, picked myself up I did, and as I dusted away self pity, I found strength from within this small body and gathered courage to crawl out of the foetid sinkhole. Looking back, I did not know my own strength. And now I do. And if I can sing as excellent as Whitney, it would be me singing that song today.....well, the Chip Monk version of it anyway. I guess God did punish me after all...for that nagging I do on daily basis. Imagine if I have a loud voice...hmm..

And last but definitely the least, this is a kind of "gospel" , my prayers to my Creator. I usually talk to Him almost all the time, and that is why I know God is mighty loving, because he has not sent a lightning to strike me with all my nagging, whining, rantings, anger, admiration to him....well..yet.

And sometimes,when I'm doing a 60km/hour on the left lane winding down in my car, I sing to Him...

I realized time and time again, I need to remember to love myself more, and that the only real relationship I'm ever going to have is with god, err...not in a nun sense of it though...

Dating for Dummies?

2010-07-24T01:45:00.000+08:00

If there is any book any singleton of 40 and above, yours truly, included, need to read right now, it would probably be "Dating for Dummies", or perhaps "Dating for Dummies : Reloaded"?. I may be one of those blessed without the need for a book titled, "Sex for Dummies"..( I said "for" not "with" folks....pay attention puhleeezzzz), albeit recent discoveries regarding Anwar's alleged backstreet boy Saifoool's alleged involvement with case prosecutor and some kind of Hello Pussy....I mean...Hello Kitty strap makes me doubt my capabilities, I definitely need the former book.

Yes, don't tell me, I know. "Dating for Dummies" is already out on the market and it's one of the top ten best sellers, (the dummies list) yes. Well, I guess people like me are the people who gives people like the author good income and judging by the fact that it's one of the top ten best seller, I guess I fall into the statistics of dummies who have forgotten how to date. It's not like I date bicycles, whereby you ride it once you will always remember how to erm...ride it.

One man's ignorance is another man's income huh?

But wait a minute. I think I'm in a more chronic state than this. I'm probably going to need a pre-sequel, "How to get a Date for Dummies". Oh wait, maybe "Recognizing a Date Offer for Dummies". How humiliating is that!!! But you know what is consoling? I know for a fact that there are many men and women out there have passed the big 40, re-single or just a chronic singleton, who share the same problem as me, if at all it should be considered a problem, since at this age, dating is optional.

Coming back to the more popularly needed book, this is why I think more people above 40 need the "How to get a Date For Dummies" book more than we do the former, especially if you are a woman.

Why do I say that? Well, perhaps because;

1. The book is written by western standards, and we're living in Malaysia. It's probably our tosey and our teh tarik that makes us more confused about dating. For Muslims, dating is further made complicated with the existence of Malaysian Inquisition which is worst than Spanish Inquisition...at least the Spanish won the World Cup although Malaysians would have won the Bookie of the Year Cup if they gave us the chance. Dating with 2 people is traumatizing enough for some of us, imagine if there are 8 extra pairs of eyes watching your every move. What they do with their free hands while watching is something that may boggle our minds.

2. In Malaysia, a few men, but especially women above 40 have problems finding dates. One because of she finds dating revolting, obviously from past unsuccessful experience. Two, it's because there are not many men out there. In case you haven't notice, the ratio of men: women would easily be 3:1 today. That simply means, 3 women to one man. I blame "The Secret" for this because while we women were busy shopping for bags and shoes, and wishing for more of those, men just sat there and wished for more women at one time happening in their lives. For those who have read "The Secret" there's no excuse for you not to get this dumb joke. On top of the sad ratio for women, the little amount of men left have suddenly discovered that they are gay. I mean, I have nothing against gay men, but , can't they be gay in some other century when there are many men around to be gay with? How selfish can men be?!!

3. Let's face it. Men are shallow creatures. And it's not even their fault that they are. After all, women are blessed with only one head, and we need not share the blood supply with accessory head like men. For this reason too, dating older single men are tougher because as they grow old, their brains have no choice but to grow with them hence sucking the blood supply back up leaving the lesser blood supply ruling the other head. It was easier all that blood was down there, because they become more enthusiastic about women in general.

Most men, divorced or widowed, would prefer to date younger women. It's not their fault that they don't find us "innocent" , "mysterious " ergo more "giggly". After all, once they've heard a woman nag, how different can that be...it's just blah...blah..blah (men have developed a sophisticated technique to selective hearing after some time and they have us to thank for it).......the mystery is dead from that point onwards. .and women in turn, if we've been with a man at least once, I mean, really, how different can a snore and a fart plus a snore sound like? In this scenario, very elderly couples who have sinus and hearing problems would have a more harmonious life together, since they can't hear nor smell each others' farts, less one thing to fight about.

And it's not our fault that we need a certain amount of blood level alcohol (or halal tapai for Muslims) to find some men's recycled jokes funny. It's also not our fault that we need KY jelly on top of the other "home improvement enhancement" purchases.

Yes, of course there are women who date younger men, (usually muscular ones.....to make up for the lack of 'muscle that actually counts' perhaps), but really, not every women like Demi Moore, able to afford the next 50 plastic surgeries. Suddenly Samantha's quote from Sex and The City, regarding dating young men came to mind:

"These young men, I don't know whether to blow them, or to burp them"

4. Men, especially Malay men are downright greedy. How many do you think are matured enough to divorce their first wife before they embark into a new relationship? For non Malays, the problem would be the cost of divorce. It's cheaper to live in a miserable lie called marriage than to go through a divorce. Malay men are of course the champion. They can live in up to maximum of 4 lies, and use Allah's name to justify their actions. Then again, some Malay woman would rather be miserable in a failed marriage, rather than become a "Janda" and a society's mockery. Even if they are true to themselves, some Malay men have problems letting go..(actually the problem is selfishness from an immature brain). Hence, there are not many circulating recycable re-singleton out there who can begin their life in search of true love and happiness in all honesty.

5. If you think being a singleton above 40 living in Malaysia and getting a decent date is tough, try being a single parent. You have to think of the safety of your kids that automatically supersedes your potential happiness of having a normal dating life. And bare in mind, not many people out there are as willing to accept a single parents' "baggage"...obviously these are shallow people who have no love for children. If you're one of them who do not have the ardent desire to have children,( which I think everyone's entitled to not comply to society's general needs, we are after all not created on earth just solely for the purpose of propagating forth,although many would dispute this remark) then I suppose this won't be a problem.

I think, the reason why people get so screwed up in their relationship is because they do not understand the basic rule to a relationship. We spend more time looking for romance or relationship that will hopefully end up in a marriage, that we have forgotten to look for companionship in our spouse. Most of the time, we are unable to differentiate between love, lust and infatuation. Some of us are lucky enough to find true love. The rest had to settle with falling in love with love. Then comes the next level. Marriage. Some are lucky enough to have found true love that ends up with a marriage. Most of us have to settle for marriage that is a false sense of security. Some gets married because they need to keep up with their scheduled plans in life. Some get married for the heck of it. The smart ones are the ones who refuse to succumb to society's pressure to committing the same stupidity they have committed and yet these are the people who are mocked to the bones. (if ever there are such expression of course)

My usual advice to my guy friends who ironically seek my advice on relationship (goodness gracious me...they don't have a single clue what they're getting themselves into!!) would be, "if you're looking for a soul mate, stop looking at her boobs and start looking at into her soul". For girlfriend who seek for my CON-sultation, I say to them, "if you're looking for a soul mate, stop looking at his cheque book, start looking into his soul".

Dating would be easy if love didn't get in the way though. L..O..V..E..four letter words that can really complicate a relationship. Because love makes us have expectations out of a relationship. Love makes us do stupid stuff that injures our self pride not to mention our ego. And the best part is, love demands a lot despite being something no one can even define. Don't ask me about love. I think I have forgotten how love feels like, I need tutoring. Let's not talk about love. Let's just talk about dating. We'll talk about love if ever we survive dating. But is love all that worth it? Last I remembered, hell ya!!

I remember during my younger days, dating was simply fun. But I recall that there were some who were serial daters, dating recklessly as though they are going for the Guinness World Book of Records. These must have read the wrong book, titled, "Dating for Dumbasses).

At this point in my writing, I would be amazed if you are still with me, because, frankly, I don't know where this article is going and I do apologize for the wild goose chase...

I'm sure for those singletons out there, who are just sick of dating like me, gets really apprehensive when someone you actually like ask you out on a date. It's like you're damn if you don't and damn if you do. Somehow rather, common sense and a not so impressive IQ would tell us that "damn if you don't " kind of like more damning than "damn if you do" right? Well, actually, that depends on how badly you got hurt in the last relationship and if you have had a good closure. If one is not ready, then "damn if you do" sounds like a reasonable protective choice for one's heart, for the survival of one's sanity and happiness.

But if one decides that "damn if you don't " is more damning, then comes the dejavu...."oh, what if ...what if..what if...." then the reopening of the Pandora Box...the Ex-Files comes next, all ricocheting through your mind while you're getting ready to go out on that potentially damning date. If that cannot cause impotence for both females and males, I don't know what else can...oh wait, i do..a date with Samy Velu or Rosmah...

And all this is happening BEFORE you go out on the actual date, if assuming after all that tiring thinking, we actually decide not to cancel the whole event. What you're suppose to do on a date is another topic altogether.

There are no rules to dating, although according to the book ( I read the synopsis, enough to know that unless my date is totally worth it, I'd opt for "damn if I do"), there are. Great, now we've got to read up just to go for date....as though all that lifetime studying that got us smart and into trouble in the first place is not enough. But through my experience, it's best to go as yourself. If the person do not like you, what makes you think he's going to like you after dating you a couple of times more and after we've run out of dating tactics.

On personal note, I wouldn't want to end up with a guy whom I need to play tricks on just to get him to like me. If he does not have the mental capacity of deduction and the tenacity to unveil the mystery of me, not to mention the guts to risk his ego for me, then I guess he's not that into me and I do not want to settle for anything less. That's what happens when someone found true earth shattering, I-can't live without you, heart pumping, mental bedazzling love. We don't settle for less. Kind of like the domestic cat who won't want to chase after the rats, when they've tasted the delicious Friskeys. It's a all or non law for us. And equally important is that I have the same effect on him. Otherwise, I don't want to be something he "just settles" for.

A partner who wants you for any other reason other than yourself, is not worth all that torment love may put you through from that point onwards. Somewhere down the line, something's got to give and no matter how smart you play the game of dating, it's going to end you up in a farce relationship that has no strong foundation to it. Simple rule. If he can't read through me, and I can't read through him, maybe we are just not meant to be together. Basil and tomatoes, unless they are rotten will make a delicious pair no matter how they are cooked. If he doesn't know what he wants, unless you are willing to become his guinea pig in the experiment called love, then move on gurrrl....nothing there for you.

Don't you just miss the good old days when dating seem to be the most natural thing besides picking our own noses and we actually look forward to it without premonition to the doom that lies after that? Those were the days when you have all the energy to throw caution into the air and put up with all the challenge romance, love and relationship throw at you. Nowadays, just thinking about dating makes me jaded. Maybe because luck bailed out and just dating for the heck of it is more of a mental and emotional drain than just fun?

Ah, alas! Wisdom was coursing through the veins of Oscar Wilde when he proclaimed, "Thinking kills Romance". Well folks, maybe we should just stop thinking too much and just go out there and date....errr....with calculated risk and by calculated risk I propose we stay away from people's husbands/wives/spouse/partner/some other gay or lesbian's partner, especially Rosmah's. We all know how THAT'S going to end...Trial and error perhaps?

Well folks, if all else fails, well, there's "Dating for Dummies".

P.S this post was written in a jest, kind of an uncut/unplug version. I won't take it seriously if I were you ;->

I leave you with my super favourite song .....sang by my super favourite singer, John Legend...enjoy :-D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIpkE2lYmFs&feature=related

Not While I'm Around...

2010-06-07T20:27:00.000+08:00

I remember his 70ish birthday (well, past 40 everyone just don't bother counting any more). I gave him a card attached to his birthday gift. I wrote in the card,
" Men may come and men may go, but you will forever remain the man in my life"
Men of few words, he did not know how to react, I can see that it was so obvious. But when there were lack of words, his expression made up for it. What I saw was priceless.

He would be the one who will come for me when I'm in need. There is no time barrier when it comes to me. I'd get my tyre punctured and he'd drop everything and come to my rescue. So I had to learn how to change my own tyres, just so that I won't become a burden to the old man.
He would be the one standing behind watching over me even without me realizing it. Perhaps the reason why I feel so emotionally stable, no matter how bad things can go wrong, only because I know he will be there for me. Never once, even when I hurt him in some occasion that he turn his back on me. That alone is a soothing thought.

I remember when I was a teenager, I came home grumbling about some punk disturbing me on the road. I haven't even finish my sentence when I saw him heading towards his parang while asking, "Where is he?". I panicked because I thought we all do not need the scene as I could handle the situation quite well. I just needed to grumble to release my irritation by ranting, that's what we women do. We just need to have someone listen to our rantings, not so much of wanting a solution. Oh, by the way, didn't I handle the son of a bitch who thought he could get away with being fresh with me...but that is another story. Whatever he had done, I didn't think that he deserved to get chopped into pieces...which I know my dad will never in a million years hurt a single soul. He never laid his hands on us. It's the threatening that gets the job done actually. It definitely worked with his teenagers, why wouldn't it work with other peoples' teenagers.

Even today, I'd come back surprised by a repaired kitchen sink, or newly fixed rack I've wanted to put up but never seem to find the time to, or even find my bulbs changed. It's like having a handy man only more sincere in his work...actually, it's more like having a personal guardian angel....

He's educated but do not abuse his intelligence by insulting others'. I remember coming home to numerous hampers nearing the Hari Raya, only to find out that we were not to even so much as touch them because they were to be returned as soon as possible. I still recall the frustration we felt and I could have sworn the utilization of a transparent material for wrapping was done on purpose. It would have been less painful not to see what it was that we could have possessed or eaten rather than to have a peek only to leave our imagination unsatisfied.

He doesn't know how to suck up to his superior so he got to his post simply by hard work. He loathe asking others for professional favors. He hated interviewing people for a job because he hated turning them down. I remember he would not eat or sleep properly at one point, and we even heard the nightmares. He did it only once and refused the job after that. He came from a poor family. His father was a KTM laborer and he had 13 siblings, 1 died at an early age, and two more died giving birth. He would never fail to remind us in his own ways, the importance of staying grounded and humble.

I remember hating asking him for things I want, not what I need, at times. For a mere something that cost say RM5, I will have to justify my wanting. Otherwise, the story that came out of his mouth just to earn the something, were never happy ones.

For instance, I once wanted a new color pencil simply because I wanted a new one..hey I was a kid...,. My old ones were 3/4 used but there were the merely used ones and I thought I'd have a new set altogether, simply because I know my dad can afford it. He started telling me his childhood story, how he used to walked about 10 miles through the jungle to town. He would quietly sneak to take a peek into the dustbins of each of the houses belonging to the, well, relatively well to do, to find any remnants of usable color pencils, pencils, rubbers etc, to collect and use himself at school.

I remember that I would cry while he narrated me the sad story and my desire for something new just died there and then. Odd enough, he was not consistent with his actions. A few weeks later, he would take me to the shop to get a new color pencil. I was happy naturally. One for getting a new color pencil and two, much much later in life, I am happy that in his sadistic ways, he taught me the difference between needs and wants. I still go shopping for things I don't need occasionally, mainly to celebrate something. I know it's okay if I can afford it, but sometimes things can go out of hand, especially when credit card in in the hands...oh, but I do feel a pinch of guilt at times...that's improvement no?

I blame him for my difficulty in finding a decent spouse. Subconsciously, I tend to measure any guy I would want as my partner to him. Later, I found out, I stand a better chance if I lower my standards down by a quarter. Oh well, a gal need some TLC and no other man will ever love you as much as your own father. Same goes to mothers, although some mothers have problems of letting go, ergo contribute one of the leading causes of modern time divorce.

I love my parents. Well, the love did not grow overnight, or rather, was not realized overnight. I use to not really like them when I was a teenager. Then again, that was me, not them. The older I get, the more I understand why it was me, and not them. I began thanking God and them for being hard on me. I think, all children will grow up to be masochists...they will thank their parents for making their teenage lives miserable.

A disturbing thought would be loosing them at one point of my life. I know, that even though my mind tells me it's natural, my heart will never be ready for that moment...I learn one thing when my husband passed away. That we need to love that person when they are alive, not take for granted that they know you love them. But that is another story.

I always console my patients when they loose their parents. I will tell them that we will loose our parents ultimately. But how we treat them before they leave matters a lot, because parting knowing that they are loved, not just in words, but in deeds, is indeed the loveliest way to say goodbye.

Being a single parent, I can now relate to how my father felt about me. After all, I'm the father and the mother to my daughter...If there is any song for my dad to dedicate to me, even if he never says it, being a man of few words, at least he made me feel it; or for me to dedicate to my parents and my daughter, it will be this one ...there are many versions to this song, but I love the way Jamie Cullum sang it....enjoy the video...

Happy Birthday to Me :)

2010-04-09T23:30:00.000+08:00

I've just celebrated my birthday. Yes. Another one. How old am I? Well, just let me put it to you this way. I dare not put exact amount of candles representing my age on my birthday cake, because I wouldn't want to trigger the smoke alarm when I blow all of them out, of course if I manage to do that without running out of breath.

When a woman passes the four zero, there are incidences that happens to her body that she cannot be sure of. For instance, if someone compliments, "You look hot tonight", or if she bumps into a cute guy, she will not be able to make out whether she's blushing and palpitating in response to the compliment and the man, or whether she is just experiencing peri menopausal symptoms.

I'm suppose to feel sorry for myself yaddaaa yaddaa, I feel indifferent. My problem is that I don't feel I'm aging, until someone reminds me that I am. Come to think of it, if given a chance to go back to being young again, I'll politely decline. I kinda like myself now. Not that I don't like myself yesterday. It's like, I kinda have gotten my head together, even at the expense of the body falling apart...okay, everyone's heard of that one, but it's true. I like having my head together. Don't you?

I was told from young to include longevity of life as part of my prayers. I never really did bother praying for that. I figured, since God is All Knowing, He probably would have given me the perfect exit time, after I've played my role in this world. Who am I to decide when I should go. After all, it's not about longevity, but about having a good meaningful life. What is the point of living all the way to 100 years when you lead a meaningless life?

Is my life meaningful? Yes, and it will become more meaningful in the near future. It's a working progress.

So here's to me...Happy Birthday "me"....I love "me" :)

Getting Lost

2010-03-13T23:13:00.000+08:00

If ever you want to get lost driving in Malaysia, try this; make sure your car has full tank fuel and your smart tag has ample balance in it. Then you take a drive to a predetermined destination, and make sure you follow the sign boards. I have this conspiracy theory regarding the Malaysian sign board system. They have covet agreement with the toll system to ensure that the road users get confused just by following the signboards and when we get lost, somehow the signboards will inevitably guide us towards yet another toll. You have to try getting lost in KL to appreciate this theory.

But you know what is the good thing that comes from getting lost? Well, if you can hold your temper and accept the fact that you’re stranded in some place where most people have not heard of what an armpit deodorant is, sometimes, you may discover something new and interesting. Women may find a wholesale store that sells the exact same material at quarter of the price they get when the same thing is sold at a high end store. With women, most of the time, shopping would be the phenomena that will revert a tragedy into a blessing with or without the disguise..With men, well, probably they will discover some massage pallor that have real women with the Midas touch working. What better place to get a massage than a place where the Mrs won’t even bother going.

Or if you’re someone who comes from a struggling background, then maybe getting lost might find you in some posh area where two outcomes are possible. You may feel suicidal because life seem to be offering more for these rich people, or you may come out from that area feeling nothing but deep gratitude towards God for keeping it real for you, and you feel pity for those who have worldly material in a package of delusion called “achievements”.

You see, interpretation of success differs, depending on who sets the definition. It’s a relative thing. For example, when some people say “they have trouble with sleep” it means they need sedatives to help them go to sleep. While people like me, who like to keep life simple and real by redefining life’s expectations and definitions, my interpretation of “I have trouble with sleep” means I have trouble getting out of the sleeping state. Or another example would be when someone says, “I’m homesick” they mean they miss home, when I say “I’m homesick” what I meant is “I’m sick of home” (I see my parents too frequently sometimes there are moments, in absence of sanity that I forget why I love them). See, these things are relative and subjective.

Or perhaps you may come out of getting lost with mixed feelings of the aforementioned.

In life, shit happens. Just like you get lost on the roads, humans tend to get lost in life. Sometimes I think that the only time humans possessed true freedom was when we were in our mothers womb, happily floating in our own urine, (what did you think that amniotic fluid is all about eh?) in our most natural forms without the constraint of clothing nor society’s expectations. Happily sucking our thumbs and float away to our hearts content. Why do you think babies cry when they come out into the real world? They get slapped on their bottoms if they don’t. Being in a state of content with being reticent is not acceptable. Yes, the moment we come out of that safe haven of mommy’s warm and comfy womb, we were already graded by Apgar score standard, talk about keeping up with life’s expectations !!

Back to life, it is safe to avow that shit happens at least once in one’s life. Otherwise, I don’t think it’s called “living”. Yes, indeed shit happens. Things sometimes take a turn down the Mexican way, (or should I substitute that to the Malaysian way? We seem to be speeding down that lane), or sometimes things end. I’m surprised that people get surprise when life demands changes. Are we not part of the universe where the rule is constantly changing forms?
(Click on to loose your way)

Yes, things change. The only rule to determine survival is to adapt to the changes. How we handle changes in our lives is the key to staying significant. Life constantly tests us and sometimes, we end up lost, side tracked or even diverted from our destination.

I’ve been lost a couple of times myself. After the death of my beloved husband, I was kind of lost mostly in self pity more than actual misery. It’s not easy having to pick up the broken pieces of what could have been. I’m sure people who goes through divorces feel the same. You spend all that time building a highway towards a certain destination, then suddenly the earthquake struck and everything fell into shambles. It’s out of your control and you feel more lost underneath all that ruin. You begin to wonder, where to start picking up the debris.

If ever there’s a song in dire need to be written, it will be the song dedicated to all the single parents out there. People grumble about how hard it is to become parents, imagine how much more difficult it would be to carry two jobs of parenting, on one shoulder. Whilst the physical and mental aspect of single parenting is tough, I think most single parents find the emotional bagage the most toughest to handle.

I remember my kid’s first day at school. I remember watching her walk up to join the assembly, her oversized school bag overshadowing her little scrawny figure clad in the school uniform, one size bigger . I barely realised that I was whispering softly to my deceased hubby, “Look at her go jaan, she’s so brave, if only you could see her now”...Or there was that joyous moment when she scored in her major exams, my chest felt like it was going to explode with joy and at the same time I felt like I was choking with sadness that I could not share it with that special someone. I’m sure most of you have been there with me, caught in such moments. I call it the kodak meets prozac moments..

But being displaced from the intended path to that of a get by one, I discovered things about myself that I will never be able to do so, should I still be somebody’s wife. I’ve discovered my inner emotional strenght, (although in my moments of despair, I wonder what do I gain by being stronger) and more importantly, I’ve managed to discover my own identity. I’m no longer Mrs so and so. I’m just....me. I managed to nurture my writing skills, or so it seems. After all, what better way to channel your life’s frustration then to pen it out so that the whole world can learn from your experience right? I have all my failed short relationships (started dating again after 3 years of his death) to thank for making me come out of it a philosopher. Through all that tragedy and pain, I have managed to grow as an individual. But you know what? Given a choice, I'd rather discover my so called talents or grow as an individual, with a companion beside me. Cies't la vie....you don't always get what you want. Nevertheless, it's not so bad. Looking at my kid, I saw a happy ending to a sad tale...

So the next time you get lost, maybe it’s some kind of divine intervention, a window of opportunity for you to make full use of. Blast off your favourite music, sing along if you can carry a tune that is ear-drum friendly, it’s your own ear drums we’re talking about here, look around and explore. Who knows, you may discover something worth discovering....then again, it may not be divine intervention, just dumb luck..either way, the choice of making the best of it is yours.

Sometimes.....

2010-01-27T15:07:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, when my hormones get the better of me, I’d sit in a corner and indulge in self-pity. I’d wonder how nice it would be to just sit around in idle, not having to work too hard (well, I spend a lot of time being at work. What I do at work is a different matter altogether ), yet have the money coming into the bank account. I’m sure I’m not alone in this.

My kid would laugh at me saying, “YOU, ummi….not working !!? You can’t even sit still when you’re sick!!”, when I voice out my jadedness and for a few minutes, my mind would be off the actual issue that was bugging me, diverted to trying to figure out, which one was more annoying, being laughed at by your own child , or what she was laughing about.

My hubby use to say to me, “Relax laaaaa”. Then again, he’s the anti-me who had no problem over-relaxing. In fact, that was why I called him, Relax Singh…(my hubby’s Punjabi by the way), when I was annoyed with him for refusing to help me out a little around the house. Not to generalize, but if you’re married to a Malay or Punjabi, or Indian, you’d be lucky if they can locate where in the house, the kitchen is.

Although fidgeting is a good method of loosing weight, not being able to relax is not really a good thing. Even on holidays, unless I’m reading a gripping book, only then I’d be able to sit and relax by the ocean. In fact, back in campus, a close friend of mine use to call me, “The restless soul”. Sounded very Red-Indianish indeed, only I am not red nor am I Indian. I’m just restless…

Unlike the women b.w.l (before women’s lib) who struggled for equal rights with men, the women of today are blessed with choices. I don’t get women who want to be equal with the men though. Equal rights yes, but equals? Women just can’t be equal to men, and vice versa. Well, for starters, women can’t pee straight and men cannot think straight when they are staring at our boobs. But if equal rights you are talking about, well, then there’s something there.

I can’t help but wonder sometimes, are women making their lives miserable by opting to jump into life on the fast lane, at par with the men? We were doing fine sitting at home, baking them pies, sorting out the bed sheet, taking care of the household and running them, until some smart ass woman put it in our simple minded heads that that is cheap labour. Come on. Think about it. Weren't we not smarter than men those days? By merely using our charm, we make them work to the bones to sustain our lives and the lives of our children, while we get away with the home chores, of which we love to do anyway.

Now, not only most women have to get up early to get our butts to work and earn a living, some may need to punch in the clock for another job the moment they punch out of the office, when they reach home, and that would be resuming as the maid. Of course nowadays, both partners working would mean we can afford the maid but seriously, can we afford to sometimes loose our cool, not to mention our minds putting up with these so called house helpers. The only thing some may be good at helping is themselves, when we are not looking, but let’s not indulge in this maid story, this may take an entire post by itself.

To answer the question whether women have made the mistake of fighting for equal rights and find ourselves where we are today. Well, I guess that depends, on what you define as “worst”, what your priority in life is, and whether you are a good multitask-er, or a multitask-err. If you think the best for your children is to stay home and be a homemaker, than there’s nothing wrong with that, in fact, homemakers are as noble as any other noble job can be. If you think staying home will make you crazy and depressed, well then, an unhappy mother is not a good mother. An unhappy wife is even worst. If you think you can juggle both, then by all means juggle it better than the clowns. Whatever it is, women have to realize that, we need to be true to ourselves. Whilst giving is a good thing, but you need to give it sincerely, otherwise, resentment may set in sometime somewhere.

As much as I’d like to stay at home and be the most remarkable homemaker, I can’t. One, because I’m a single parent but frankly, even if I’m not, I’m not cut out to be a homemaker. It takes a remarkable woman to be able to be a full time home-maker and fidget-ers like me may end up driving my family up the wall if I don’t go out there and mingle with the rest of the world. Having an aching body from getting up very early in the morning is a small price to pay. I’ve tried staying a home, and we’ve decided that for the sake of my sanity, and the sanity of those around me, it’s best to let me go to work. Again, I’m sure there are many more women who are like me.

In a way, we are masochists. But staying home may make us masochists AND a sadists. Although we think and dream of sitting idle with a fat account backing us up, but in practice, we are just not designed to live that way. Oh well,. Come to think of it, that’s what holidays are for…..

One thing remains true. The women of today, owe it big time to the women who fought under the banner of “Women’s liberation” for without that victory, women would become shun of the most important basic human right, and that would be “having choices”…

He

2010-01-15T23:22:00.001+08:00

The absence of the ring on his fingers made him look three times more attractive and promising, the first time we laid eyes on each other. He was clad in his khaki colored Bermuda shorts and white t-shirt, all sweaty from running around in the park playing with kids. Nothing melts my heart than watching a man, who show the simplest act of kindness like opening the door for old folks, or helping them with the overhead baggage, or a man fooling around with little kids in a non-pedophile manner. Of course, everybody loves a person who is kind. He’s kind the kindness reflects in his eyes every time our eyes lock in a gaze.

Strong and silent accept when there is the need to communicate, and when we do, we’d be able to talk about nothing or everything. An old man once told me that the secret to the longevity and happiness in a marriage, is good communication, great conversations and are able to laugh together, not at each other. He was married to his wife for more than 3 decades and they still sneak off together for a quiet date. He’d hold her hands when crossing the road. I just love watching them together. So yes, my man is a good conversationist. Feel good conversations gets him everywhere, including the G spot. It’s something for us to hold on to, after the body starts to hit past half-life decay.

He is intelligent yet down to earth and definitely not a megalomaniac. He submits to the One and Only, believes in the hereafter, live righteously or at least attempts to do so. Spirituality is kind of a sexy trait to me. Hmm….maybe I’m not alone in this. Obviously those who scream “God oh God, don’t stop….god” was being spiritual even at the time when they are suppose to loose their minds.

We have utmost respect for each other and even though we disagree with something, we’d try to work our way around it, compromise otherwise sacrifice. Or we would simply agree to disagree, not attempting to change each other to the point of damaging the beautiful relationship. I accept his short cummings ...I mean, shortcomings, as much as he accepts mine. After all, the perfect man or women, the perfect relationships only exist in our minds. The moment I gave up looking for the perfect man, I found a man who, together, we are perfect for each other.

Occasionally we fight but the making up makes us just want to fight for the heck of making up. Companionship is hard to come by. When one finds it, should try to keep it as long as one can. Occasionally, we will go about doing our own thing, so that we will have the time and space enough to miss each other. Some may call that the rubber band effect, but I'd call it just what it is, needing me-time and space. Besides, men don't like anything that spells rubber.

I would caress his hair and sing him to sleep whenever insomnia prevails. He would offer a simple gesture such as offering me a back rub or massage my feet whenever fatigue envelops me. Sometimes, I would cuddle up to him when I feel down and out, when I feel that the world is caving in on me…and he’d offer me his strong shoulder to cry on…and a strong arm that wraps around me, warm yet tender and he would know that that is the most rotten time to offer me any solution. For that sacred moment, all I would need is a strong shoulder and a good patient ear to relief my emotions…a true friend. And I know that he knows that I'd do the same for him when he needs to mend his ego.

We would go dancing sometime or perhaps catch a movie. He would occasionally surprise me with cooking for us, nothing sexier than a man cooking for his woman. Then we’d go to bed, reading, or browsing the net, exchanging thoughts. We would sneak quietly into the kitchen to look for food after making love, then go back to sleep only to wake up to make love all over again, wake up late on Sunday mornings…lazing around after breakfast in bed…it just makes it a perfect Sunday morning. Wait, perfect would be lazing around in bed with the one you love, on a Sunday morning, in one of those mornings that looks like it’ll last all afternoon.

It’s mandatory that we stay honest, loyal to each other, and trust each other simply because they are part of the pillars of any good, long lasting relationships. And when we are old, we’ll just hold hands and sit on a bench and watch the sun set…

Ah well, love is just love. Marriage on the other hand is about love with good timing. The problem is, we think that we can choose who we fall in love with….

My problem however, is totally a different one. The man I just told you about…well…..I just haven’t met him yet.

Please take a listen to this wonderful song in this video...it gives me the daisy effect, each time I listen to it :-D

Cleaning Up My Closet

2009-12-26T23:49:00.000+08:00

Sprint cleaning can be emotionally tiresome at times. More so when your spouse had just had passed on, leaving you with half a closet full of memories. It took me some time to clear my closet after the death of my husband. Actually, some time was about nearly 2 years. But I still have one or two of his shirts I hang in the closet, until about, last week.

My closet was totally cluttered and I realized, after nearly a decade past his death, I do not need material stuff to remind me he’s still well and alive in my memory. I’ve also realized, that I no longer need to block out the memory of him as I have tried hard to do but failed miserably for the past one decade, to protect myself from breaking down into little pieces. I dealt with my memories of him. I've learned to live with them.

I recall going through his stuff for the first time. In fact I did not manage to even look at it until after 6 months, without crying. It’s like every piece of stuff carries a memory of it’s own and while I was running my fingers caressing his shirts, his tie, flashes of incidents blared through my mind and again, I burst into sudden tears.

It took me 3 years until I could go through the photo albums without feeling a stab piercing through my heart, something eventually I’ve learned to live with.

Our marriage was not perfect, like any other marriages, we were thriving towards adaptation of two minds with separate and unique habits, finding their way around to be together under one roof, one bedroom, one bed. It’s the taming of two lives in search of harmony.

At one point, while going through his personal belongings, I stumbled upon an after morning pills, half a strip gone, used. It would have been bliss had I not known what those pills are and I’d mistaken them for mine. It’s just that, in my entire life, I have never used any contraceptive pills ever. He was adamant on not letting me consume hormonal pills and had volunteered to use the condoms instead. I was so touched by this gesture. It’s the small things that tell you he loves you a lot, and it screamed louder than the words “I love you”. But that pill just jerked me into the darkest corner of my mind. Basically, my heart was smashed to pieces.

The sound of two lovers fighting rang through my ears as I recall the nasty fights over him coming back late and that one past midnight phone call I caught him over my extension line with some bitch that changed the tempo of our marriage, the drunk driving that eventually cost him his life, the banging of the door, the screaming at each other, the making up after that just ricocheted through my mind as I ran my fingers through his possessions. It was then I had to remind myself, that he was just human and human makes mistakes. I may have forgiven him, but forgetting is much tougher.

I think, it is easier to go through the bad memories with anger, rather than going through fond ones. Anger helps me deal with the sadness, but good memories just make me miss him even more. Either way, I ended up crying.

There were days in the early part of his death when I use to lie in bed clinging on to the last shirt he wore so that I could still breath in the smell of him that lingered on that piece of material. It was a T Shirt worn just a day before the car accident. I remembered it as though it had just happened. I needed him to plant the banana tree and he was trying to get out of it by insisting that he’d only plant trees that will give out fruits, and not just for garden accessory purposes. With a poker face I insisted that it was a banana tree that gives out lots of fruits, and that lie actually worked, not in the sense that he bought it, but in the sense that I got my job done.

Next thing I know, he was digging a hole for me to plant the tree, of which I smugly did. He did, before performing the task said to me with a raised eyebrow and a suspicious eyes, “I know you’re lying to me sayang, but I’m going to dig this hole anyway”. I just gave him a cheeky smile like I always did when I manage to get away with things with him, like when I get caught wearing his underwear and I’d just shrug my shoulders, look him in the eye and say, almost purring, “yeah, so?”

Oh yes, if anything can kill, it’s cleaning up your closet when it is full of skull and daisies. Throughout the years, if there’s anything I’ve learned from cleaning up mine, is that there is no other way to carry on with life, until I’ve make peace with the bad memories, and cherish the good ones. After all, that was what “through thick and thin really meant”.

And after a while, you will no longer need to have his stuff enveloping you, as a reminder of the love you had for one another, and the life you build together, no matter how short it was. Cherish the moment, for the moment you have now, may not last forever. And if the beautiful moments do not last, there’s always the memories to carry within your hearts and your mind. You do not need to keep them in your closet.

Mother warned me there will always be one of those days...

2009-12-18T23:46:00.000+08:00

They say "Loneliness kills". Then how come I'm still alive? Funny, how life can sometimes turn out to be. What you plan did not turn out the way you'd expected it to and things you don't expect, sneaks insidiously and jump right onto your face to surprise you when you least expect it to. (well, it's not redundant because I'm including the surprise you're sometimes forced to fake...like your bloody birthday. Past 40 years old, you'd wish that your birthday wish will finally come true..that everyone including yourself will forget it. Unfortunately, some cheerful annoyingly optimistic character will without fail remind you what you prefer to forget and next thing you know, you HAVE to act surprise when people surprise you with a birthday surprise...ring a bell? So basically, although grammatically incorrect, "surprise you when you least expect it to" is NOT redundant when one is to apply the actual meaning).

Yupp. Life is funny that way. Maybe the Guy up there is having fun with all of us. After all, if you ask me, He's doing one heck of a super great job that He deserves to have fun once in a while.

Loneliness is something most people experience, yet are reluctant to talk about. It is as though when we talk about loneliness, we are rendering ourselves vulnerable. In a way it is true. I've had experience with people who prey on others' loneliness. Lesson learned is wisdom gained, unless of course, one did not learn from one's mistake. Making a mistake is just human. Not learning from it is just so lame. As for the opportunist, I don't worry, there's always karma to deal with them.

The beauty, well, one of many, about God is that He grants us human a gift called "free will". We are given the freedom to choose. Same as many other things in life, one is given the freedom to choose how he wants to handle this feeling called loneliness. You can choose to indulge in self pity and get drifted away, swallowed and drowned in an abyss of loneliness. Or you may choose to use loneliness as a tool to become creative. It is said that loneliness is the driving force of many famous artists and scientists. Then again, many suffer from depression and bipolar diseases, then unknown and was not an actual diagnosis. It was just called simply, "madness". How simple life was back then, when gay use to mean just.... happy.

For those who think that loneliness can be solved by marriage, well, only if you're lucky enough to have married your soul mate. You can be married yet still feel lonely. That is why I cannot understand it when someone claims that he/she is planning to get married in so and so timing. How can that be possible? You cannot time falling in love, so how exactly can you time a marriage? Unless of course you've found the one perfect for each other and timing is just of choice, then those claims are justified. Thinking back, I recall that that was the reason why I left my ex boyfriend. He proposed to me about three times and I was never ready. He loved me a lot, that I know. What I wasn't sure was, did he proposed because he loved me as much as I needed him to, or was it because he needed me to fit into his planner.

Life's funny that way. Out of billions of people on the surface of the earth most people have problems looking for the "perfect for each other". Some need go make a couple of mistakes before they ended up finding that perfect companion. How ironic is that? Out of that billions of people one should expect it an easy task to look for "the one"...hhhmmmhhh.....

Why am I writing all this? I don't know. Maybe because I'm feeling kind of lonely right about now, and want to tell the world that it's okay to feel lonely and there's nothing shameful admitting it. It's sort of a reminder that we are after all, human. Just like a storm that hit you and hit you hard, you'll just have to learn to wade it through, stay afloat, stay alive or even come up with something creative out of the whole ordeal. That guy who discovered electricity did just that when he felt the jolt as he touched the kite's strings as it waded through a stormy weather.

Through all this, do remember that God is always with you. He is as close to you as your jugular veins are. After sometime, you will get that warm fuzzy feeling like you're loved, and although you may be alone, you're not lonely anymore.......well, not until the next attack....

Alice in Widowland...

2009-11-01T22:10:00.000+08:00

Some people live in Wonderland. I live in Widowland. In Wonderland, you get lost in wonderment, in Widowland, some people would want you to just get lost. Yes, I am a widow. I’ve been a widow for the past nearly a decade hitherto. I hate every minute of it. I don’t hate my life per se, in fact far from it. My life is perfect, even when it’s not. Oh no. It is not my life I hate in Widowland. I hate the fact that society, well some of them, insisted that when it comes to socializing, I am to be avoided like a leper. Some tend to stay away, the moment they hear the word “widow”. Some even show their lack of empathy when they make those lame “janda jokes”. Things always look funny when they don’t happen to you. But I’m not mean. I do not wish for anyone to end up in Widowhood . If I have my wish, I would wish for people to have empathy, so that we will never make fun of other people’s mishaps.

When you’re a widow, namely a Malay widow, trying to blend into society, on the surface, everything seems A-okay, and everyone is friendly and nice. But when you take the friendship to the next level, for example including you in their circle of invitations, or inviting you to their homes, most of the time, you’ll be the last one standing. It’s not like I want to go to those gatherings anyway, I don’t really appreciate being looked upon like a giraffe in the zoo, the single species, all eyes rolling from the top of my head right down to my toe, overwhelming with what look like pity. Or is it really pity? It would be nice to get invited in the first place, just so I can most likely politely decline. I know, this doesn’t make sense, but this is my life.

I’m not talking about everyone in society. Some are really nice people and the women do not mind widows talking to their husbands, and not worry that their hubbies would fall in love with me upon one conversation and we would end up in the sack, or worst, eventually elope (well, which one is worst depends on your priorities in life). That’s the best thing about being single. You can have sex with anyone and anything, donkeys included……if you want to (hey, I said ‘if you want to’) because you don’t have a better half to hurt. “Why buy a whole pig when you can settle for just the sausages”, so the saying goes. So why on earth would any sane widow want to sleep with someone else’s husband, let alone get emotionally involved with them? It’s just so lame, not to mention pointless.

That is why I am more comfortable in the company of the non-Malays because somehow rather I am not made to feel like an outcast, just because I’m single and fabulous. The latter is really not helping, to the eyes of the insecure. Well, I can’t help being fabulous can I?

I had this one incident at the club a couple of years back. Mrs. X’s daughter and her mom took a liking to my daughter, then 9 years old. Mrs. X would insist that her daughter and mine enroll in the same tennis and swimming class together. There were times when she would call me to the point of stalking. But the moment she learned that I’m a single parent, the calls suddenly stopped coming, to my relief actually, because I have this problems with clingy beings….I just don’t like them clinging onto me..it’s suffocating.

But there is the truth in that term “There is a god after all”, because Karma saw my dignity reinstated. (“dignity” as in her context). I took the most handsomest looking guy and fun too, to a cocktail dinner where Jit Murad performed a live stand up comedy, and for once, the comedy was live in the sense that I had a good laugh at the live scene, unplugged, when the widow-phobic lady’s husband sat right beside me at the round dinner table. I SMS-ed my date from under the table and he was sporting enough to put on a live show, a demonstration of affection, for the jealous lady and her sad looking husband. Honestly, looking at her husband, I cannot decipher why on earth was she worried about? And oh, did I mention that my hunk date happened to be my gay friend? They are so handy, these gay friends.

Another thing, I hate the way most,Malay guys, especially the single ones thinks just because the world is in shortage of men, all women will be had at hello. Puuuhleeeezzzzz…let’s just leave the vomiting to morning sickness and to food poisoning shall we? This is the thing about Malay men, they think any women who are trying to be a little friendly with them, have the ulterior motive of tricking them into marriage. The guy Malay friends that I have today, are those from student days, and they know me too well, I value their platonic friendship more than anything else. Those who cannot comprehend the value of friendship, regardless of gender, color, religious belief, are those who act strangely and tend to keep the distance away. Maybe it is they themselves that they cannot trust. Well, obviously that is not my problem. It’s their lost…

It’s sad really. I am comfortable being single, and dare I say, happy. But society has it that they will not rest until they’ve figured widows out. Why had she not remarried? Is there something wrong with her? I should just go around wearing a T shirt that says, “SINGLE AND HAPPY. ARE YOU HAPPY BEING NON-SINGLE?” I have a high index suspicion that T-shirt will piss off many unhappy married couples. It’s the society, somehow insists that singleton is a pathetic way to be. How can I believe that when there are many married women coming into the clinic and crying their eyeballs off their sockets, narrating to me some of the most amazingly sad stories about their married life?

We don’t need the lame jokes. We don’t need a man to rescue us. We don’t need to have the authority to encourage Malay men to make single moms their second wives, or so forth, that is more of insulting, rather than helping. We don’t even need sympathy. What we badly need though, is a simple thing called “empathy”. Yes, that is all and the best part is, it does not cost anyone anything. Try to understand that even when sometimes we miss having a man in our lives, going all the way to jeopardize our integrity and values just to get another man, is not worth it. If you’ve experienced true love and marriage, then lost that, understand something; you won’t bother having a relationship just for the heck of having one…because not just any man will do.

Here's a song I dedicate to all single parents, men and women....there will be one of those days, when you will feel beaten down, jaded and lonely. But here's the good news...when you've hit bottom rock, there's no where else to go from that point except UP... stay strong and remember, you're not alone....God is with you...here's a beautiful song by Whitney, "I look to you"....

Learning to let go...

2009-10-19T22:12:00.000+08:00

I hope by now, you have gone to watch PapaDom, a film by Afdlin Shauki. Frankly, I think he's one of the most creative mind to grace our entertainment industry since the late P. Ramlee. I do hope people will appreciate him NOW before it's too late. Gratitude is more meaningful to man alive, rather than dead.

Please tell me you have not seen the movie via a ciplak cd, it'll really break my heart. I'm sure, just like me, you'd like to see Afdlin come up with more creative movies that will entertain us in the future, and hopefully our children.

I don't know about you, but I really love the movie. It made me laugh. It made me cry. It made me ponder. I left the theatre enveloped with a warm fuzzy feeling of love and tenderness. What more can one ask from a movie.

It started off kind of slow (for Afdlin's standard as he normally attack the audience from the moment he started to narrate things), but it picked up smoothly. Used to Afdlin' comedy mode, I was thrown off guard with some scenes, that instantly turned me into an emo twit.

I won't give away that much because I do not want to spoil it for those who have not seen the movie yet. I love it that it's a simple daily life plot that probably happen to most of us today, but narrated in an angle which brings out the humour and humanity of the ordinary people. If anything, it made ordinary people look extra ordinary.

My favourite bit was a bit more emo as I think, this particular movie touches the heart of all, but especially widows and widowers. I always tell my friends that I hope no one lives to experience what I've experienced in life, in a sense of loosing my hubby. That is because, you will never know how it feels like, until you feel it yourself. No one can feel for the widows/widowers. So there was this bit whereby Dom (Afdlin) said to his late wife in a melancholy tone,(in his imagination of his wife that came to life in the movie), "Abang rindukan Mun" (I miss you Mun), and there was a moment where there was a void of dialog, Dom and Mun looked at each other and then Mun put her chin on Dom's shoulders and lightly hugged him from the side. That particular silence was a loud scream of emotions for those who know how it feels like, to miss someone that they will never be able to be with again. Even as I am writing this, I can feel the gush of sadness dawning. If this be a piece of paper where I'm suppose to scribble with a pen, you'd witness dots of tears smearing the ink and crinkling the points on the paper where my tears had hit them.

Then there's the issue about letting go. If there's any song I see fit to play at the background of this post, it'll be "Strumming my pain, with his fingers, singing my life with his words, killing me softly with his songs..." because this movie sang my life out loud. I'm not as bad a stalker to my kid as Dom was to his daughter, but that words rang true, "Abah hanya ada Mia dalam hidup ni. Mia lah kehidupan Abah" or something like that (I only have you in my life. You are my life). It's true. For most parents, but especially single parents with a single kid, the kid's life becomes the centre of the parent's life, so much so, it will be very difficult for such parents to learn to let go. When the kid goes off to have their own take of the world, most single parents would probably feel a huge void where the kid had stepped away from.

Just like Dom, I know I have let go at some time in the near future. All parents know that. But we also know, that we will never be prepared to face it when the time comes. But I guess that is the ultimate sacrifice and display of love to our children. Learning to let go, and allow them to make their own life, giving room for them to make their own mistakes and to learn from it.

After preparing them for the real world, parents need to just let go, sit back and nibble our nails off in suspense,watching from a short distance and continue to pray ....

A safer way to get high....

2009-09-21T22:05:00.000+08:00

I have a few songs that when I take a listen, can make me travel far far away. They take my soul out of the body and make me feel like I'm floating to some place that is free and uninhibited. All I have to do is just close my eyes and imagine that I'm somewhere else, somewhere no one can find me, a little place I call my own, where I'm untouchable. It could be any time in the past, present or future. This is one such song;(ummmmmm...I did say close my eyes, and please excuse Madonna's performance in this video. I think she should just stick to music entertainment...just concentrate on the song kay folks...)

(POST ENDS HERE)

What is love to me....

2009-08-30T16:30:00.000+08:00

A facebook friend inboxed me, one fine day, asking me "What love is to you". My,my. That is an awfully difficult question, considering nobody knows the answer anyway, not even me. I'm past 4o heading gracefully towards the peri-menopausal age, and frankly, I still do not know what love is to me. But, nevertheless, I'll give it my best shot.

What love is to me:

1. It's when you start acting silly, and try hard to impress. (sometimes too hard and that could prove catastrophic!!)

2. It's when your tummy starts to rumble and churn before you go out on a date with him, and no amount of anti diarrhea drugs can simmer it down.

3. It's when you're there, but you're not. It's like your heart stopped beating and your lungs just decided to follow the protest, the first time you see him in that different way.

4. It's when you hurt for silly matters like him forgetting your birthday, which coincidentally, when you hit above say 35, you try your best not to remember it yourself.

5. It's when you smile like an idiot, eyes gazing far beyond your colleages in a meeting discussing "how did this patient died".

6. It's when you start to bother about how you look. Now, that's one thing I don't miss and I definitely do not miss shaving before going out on a date.

7. It's when you hear birds serenading songs of love.

8. It's when you start listening to heavy metal again, just because he does.

9. It's when you look into his eyes and everything else does not matter

10. It's when you know you're in deep deep deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep trouble...

There's more, but I'll just stop here.

Conclusion; love is just love - undefined, innocent, maddening, frustrating at times, can get you higher than any intoxicating substance can, can get you lower than low, can make you cry even more than a dead elephant in "Hati mere sathi" can, can make you laugh until you cry.

Honestly, I do know what love is to me, but somehow, I've just forgotten the feeling.

Hope that answered your question my dear Nia...

(The luuuuuuuuuuuurrve talk ends here)

The smartest of women...

2009-07-31T14:02:00.000+08:00

On my way to work today, I stopped to allow a family of Arabs to cross the road. It wasn't a zebra crossing or anything like that, but I saw that the couple had 3children and a baby in a whatever it is they call it today; we use to call it "Pram". I noticed that the husband was slightly ahead of his wife, who was pushing the pram and was with two daughters, whilst the he was with a boy held in one hand, and a bag on the other. It was not a narrow lane and I was on the right side of the it.

As I stopped, I notice the cars on the left did not, well, not many cars, the man could have crossed the road if he had wanted to. But he didn't. He just stood there, looking like he's waiting for oil to spring out of the earth. So there I was, stagnant in the middle of a junction, with MJ's "Beat It" keeping me company, which I find kind of ironic, given the situation I was in at the time, waiting for Adam's family to cross. (Come to think of it, that song, “Didi” , you know, the Arabic song that goes Didi here and Didi there and Didi all throughout the song, which I don’t comprehend anyway, except for the word Didi which I presumed is the lover’s name, is much more ironic should it be played while they were crossing the road). Actually, I was rather urging them to cross after feeling frustrated that the husband did not make the move to do so, so I had to give him the hand gesture, an international language understood by most, apart from the middle finger International Sign Language understood by all, to "cross the goddamn road cause I'm going to be late if I wait for you, dammit".

Suddenly there was movement going on with the man and he managed to get himself right in front of my car, waiting for the car on the left side, that by the way was about 50meters behind, as I caught a glimpse of the Toyota going on a speed slightly faster than that of the donkey cart's, to pass through. The man managed to cross after the Toyota passed by, but the wife stood there, in full splendor of the black hijab, with the baby in the pram and the two girls, probably aged 6-7 years, they look like they belong to the same ages, (they probably have not heard of the word 'gap your pregnancy' in all the excitement to propagate forth, to a nation of quantity, but don't know about the quality), who are by now excited to cross the road, after seeing that the father was already at the other side of the pavement.

The two kids, after receiving the signal to cross from the dad, gladly did so, but by the time they did, another car was forced to stop for them (well, the driver should have had half the common sense to stop for pedestrian voluntarily right?). Now, there were two cars in the middle of the road, waiting for Royal Ninja-ness to push the pram to cross the road, yet still, she hesitated, which left me irritated. Hello!! Do you expect your hubby cross the road and come get you to cross together? Or what then? Permission to move? Finally when she crossed the road, much to the relief of all, (not so much for them but for rather relieved for ourselves)to not be tipped off our schedules), life resumed.

Don't get me wrong, although there were no crossings to indicate the cars should stop for pedestrians, (does it make any difference with the Malaysian drivers, even if there were?), it seemed ethical to do so, and I strongly believe that the cars on the left should have stopped for the kids at least. But to not be able to cross a simple road without the help of your man, now, that is pathetic indeed. And don't let me start on that husband of hers, who could have taken the two daughters along with him when he first crossed the road. What is he? The King of England, and all women including children should walk 1 meters behind him?

It makes me feel so blessed indeed, upon looking at how that Arab lady was unable to do a simple thing like crossing the road all by herself, without becoming a nuisance by stopping traffic. I feel grateful that I am born a Muslim woman in Malaysia, rather than any other "Islamic country" that ironically seem to ignore the very essence of the reason why Islam is brought down upon them in the first place; that is to battle any form of oppression, and declare every soul as equal beings regardless of gender, color, culture and whatever it is that humans are fond of categorizing themselves, just to have a sense of belonging, or perhaps merely a victim of politicians' divide and rule policy.

I have mixed feelings when it comes to Arab women. I can't make out whether they are smarter in the sense that, unlike us, the "modern women", they don't need to bloody drive to work in an hour that is more suitable to roll around in bed entertaining our laziness, or just trapped in their culture. Let me not start on the traffic jam, if women were to drive to work slightly later. Or should I just envy them for being able to play that "oh, dear gawwwwd, aaah've just drop maah handkerchief" stunt and play the men by making them work like the dog only to have their women, who sit around all day long enough to even have time to watch their in-growing toe nail growing the wrong direction, spend it all lavishly.

Frankly, I think some of the Asian women, especially Malay women, are the least smartest amongst women. We let our men bully us by letting ourselves believe in the crap the Uztaz and Ustazah sell about,"women can go to work provided they do not neglect their households". This translated to women going to work, coming back and work as a maid if the family is unable to afford an actual maid, ergo contributing to the family in the sense of money as well as hard labor, which by the way, includes "entertaining the husbands past the kids' bedtime", (I consider having sex when one is exhausted is labour)

These women, are lucky if the husbands are able to locate where in their houses, the kitchen is situated. Some husbands may even get lost and end up in the maids' rooms on the way to the kitchen that they cannot locate. I've heard stories, even husbands suddenly developing "sleep walk to maid's room" syndrome without prior history of any sleepwalking during childhood.

And we look at the Arab women, feeling pity for them, just because they are made to wear something that hides all of god's beauty, and not able to drive nor go to work, or to have their own minds, let alone voice them. Just to digress a little, my Yemeni friend, Ali, back in college once told me that he got into trouble once with his mom for whistling at her, of course not knowing he was whistling at his own mother who just came back from the market. I mean, it’s not his fault either, except for the whistling, which I blame the hormones, because all Yemeni women are clad in black hijab. I smile when I recall Ali. He was a real joker, which is rare for an Arab. He once told me that he want to get married to four beautiful women, all from different races, so that even when they get angry with each other, none understood each other due to language barrier, so that will keep everyone, especially him, happy. Only he can get away with polygamy jokes that Ali…But we must remember, the Arab women may laugh at us, thinking how stupid we all are to let our men manipulate us in the name of Women's Liberation, have us do almost everything for them, running around like fools. It works both ways...

On the other hand, perhaps our lives may not be perfect, but we have what is called a choice to be independent. Unlike women,however, men do are not blessed with the same choice. Men, have no choice but to be independent and work, whether they like it or not. I'm not so sure where does all this womanly independence will get us, after all, those dependent Arab women still end up the same place we independent women brag to end up in,which is the shopping mall, and they do not have to sweat for the money they spent.(let the men think they are all macho, work like the dog and spend all their money....who's smarter eh?).

A point worth noting though; independent or otherwise, women however, need to be educated. An educated home-maker, (which incidentally is my dream job that could never really materialize), for instance, produces smarter off springs, if of course she spends quality time with the children. Imagine if a wife is totally dependent on the husband, and is not educated. What fate lies for here should, god forbidden, anything happens to the husband.

Independent or otherwise, I guess it depends on what makes a woman happy. However, it is safe to say that independent women, although sometimes secretly wish that they are having a fab time like the Arab ladies,(the part where they get money without having to lift a finger) have one thing that we seem to take for granted, but is very important for a human being to possess; it is called self value, err, not that those not working don't have it, it's just the independent women have more of it I guess. You do not have to kiss butt feeling unhappy about it, in order to sustain your own life. If you depend too much on men, you need to gulp your pride a lot too, and put up with their crap, and by god we all have lived long enough to note that most men are so full of crap. I don't know about you, but that reason is good enough for me....

Shari's Lists..........

2009-07-21T03:03:00.000+08:00

I have a list. Not as Blockbuster movie worthy kind of list such as the "Schindler's List" but hey, it's mine. Whilst Schindler may have saved lives with that list, mine would probably save some women, their sanity. I may be saving women from themselves, and from certain type of men. When someone goes shopping, he/especially-she will prepares a list, so that upon entering the shopping complex, the potent combination (to increase debt or spending unnecessarily) of ginormous distraction posed by the luring material displays and one's desire to own just about everything ( I believe a shorter description is "greed"), may still be entertained but not at the expense of loosing the main purpose of coming into the shopping mall in the first place. You need a list, to execute the job effectively and minimize time consumption.

The same goes with dating. You need to have a checklist of criterion to further shortlist the very short list anyway, of available men left on planet earth to date. (if your age is say, above 40). Unless we manage to find intelligent life forms in an unearthly planet somewhere out there, where incidentally where all the truth lies, then I have bad news for you ladies, "the list IS short", especially when your prime criterion is "intelligent". With a list as a guideline, you will never again waste your time on unsuitable candidate. The time wasted on worrying whether he'd call back is best used to say, increase the number of clean underwear in the wardrobe by having the extra time cleaning them (vicious cycle this one) instead of lying around listening to the Michael Bolton wailing "Tell me how am I suppose to live without youuuuuu", hoping that every time the phone rings, it would be him, telling you,"I've just left my wife".

It's a list, a checklist to be precise, of courting. I’m not talking about the checklist that checks whether you’ve shaved your legs or such, no, I’m talking about criterion checklist. Yes,. it's a checklist on who I'd go out with or not. This did not happen when I was younger (and probably more fun to fall in love with) because I did not bother with the checklist. My first, no, second date ended up with a relationship that lasted about 6 years. My first date was an arranged meeting with my distance cousin, and the "relationship" lasted for only 3 months. My mother was more devastated than I was with the break up. I had two little flings somewhere between my second date and my third, who turned out to be my hubby. When you are the career orientated type, and young, chasing after your ambition, basically you don't really have the time to date, so a list was quite unnecessary. And boy those days were fun. It was 3 years after my husband's death, that I began dating again. And the dating game seemed more complicated and tough, since I left it a decade ago, because, I now know what it feels like to be in a meaningful relationship, and something in the game of love began to change. It's called "being selective".

You see, when you're older and hopefully wiser, you've suddenly developed something that is potent in killing romance , it's called "thinking". You actually stop to think before committing to any relationship and basically, that's what thinking does, it kills romance, I have to agree with Oscar Wilde. So, you end up in this vicious cycle of hesitating to submit to romance, because you think too much and in the end, that thinking took too much time and it killed the moment, and even perhaps the potential romance. It is simply because we have past the age of looking for just romance. We've come to value the longevity of a relationship regardless of where it may end up. Taking the risk and jumping into a relationship with you eyes closed, which seemed natural when we were young, now seem to get you into this tiring emotional turmoil, and you act like a child who would hesitate upon just learning that the fire is hot and can actually burn your fingers.

Unless you've been a hermit prior to reaching peri-menopausal ages, then you'd have no idea of how time can get wasted if you don't have a list. When a woman ages ( I don't know about men, I've never been a man before) we have lost the ability to tolerate rubbish, and trust me, some men can be real rubbish. I'd rather for instance, sit and write something, or read, or even pull my armpit hair whilst listening to the mentally and audio-torturous dangdut music, rather than having to go out on a date with a guy who, say, is someones husband, because you know that it's a bloody waste of time. Why do you think most men find younger women exciting and fresh, and older women cynical and boring? Because older women "knows" and their tricks won’t work on experienced women, we can read them like the back of our hands. He farted and you will know what was the last content of his food, so to speak.

When I say date, I don't mean going out as just friends. I meant going out with the intention of having a relationship if both can at least tolerate each other enough to give relationship a try. In fact, when someone asks me out on a date, the very first question I'd ask would be, "Are you married?". Because I just don't go out with a married man, period, no matter how soon he claims that he's going to leave his wife. (Trust me, I've seen many cases whereby men date on the excuse of "miserable in life and about to leave his nasty wife", the women end up crying on my consultation couch, whilst the men who were about to leave the wives, took their wives to places like Paris to break off with them, only to come back and give another dumb excuse to delay the divorce. How soon this pattern ends, depends on how soon the women develop wisdom. Don't fall for that one girls)

I have two lists in fact. It's just an example of how a list can be made. If you're happy being alone, it's alright really, it's better to be happy alone than to be miserable in a relationship. One list, is the checklist of people I'd go out with the quality that I like, the other is the guys I won't even consider going out with, at all. Trust me, when you have aged and have a had a couple of failed relationships, not to mention a couple of rubbish ones in between, just to get you to the failed ones, before you finally get to "the one", even if you don't know what you're looking for, you will be sure as hell, know what you're not!!!

The former however, becomes shorter than the latter as time goes by. The first list gets shorter because, well, since I don't date married man, and most of the good men are taken (or don't have the balls to leave their wives no matter how miserable they appear to be in the marriage, they'd rather hurt others by cheating and philandering), and well, I don't mind dating men who are younger than me, which I have by the way, (but I guess the problem lies in my being slightly matured for my age and we all know that men grow old, but hardly grow up)., so, I guess the list is extremely short because of lack of supply of good available men, left for you to date. If you think things cannot get even more impossible, some men suddenly decided to become gay. I don't really care if they do, I have long past the days when I judge, it's their prerogative, but it's just a pity that the gays are the almost perfect men!!!

I mean, how can you compete with a gay for the same man, you tell me. You can't even tell that man you're after, "What has he got that I don't have?" because hello...how can you compete for a guy with a gay when you don't have a dick AND a hole in one package!!! Naah, just pulling a fast one. I think gay men make the best women pals because unlike the macho men wanabes with mostly, their ego that are bigger than their love tool, gay men understands women. And there is no competition, because gay men do not go after straight guys. So there you go..who say men and women cannot be the best of friends because the sex will get in the way?

So, anyway, here's my list of guys I don't even consider going out with. I'll list it as an example, for ladies out there who just don't have the time to put up with rubbish. You can come out with your own. Remember, this list is applicable for those who have had enough with putting up with rubbish. For those who still have the energy to jump with their eyes closed, and have the freakin' time, by all means, don't make a list!!!

(Click the link below if you have the passion and the patience to read on!!)

I'll start with the one list of men I won't even consider going out wit in no particular order (very Putrajaya indeed), because it's a shortcut to short-listing the probably non existing list of eligible men to have a decent relationship with.

1. Married men. I mean, unless you are totally desperate so much so you don't mind destroying a family not to mention the children's happiness, really, is there a point? Even if you manage to get him out of his marriage, break a home, marry him, one question shall haunt you forever, "will he do the same to me as he did his wife? Leave me for another woman. After all, he's done it before, break the trust of his former wife, he can do it again". You will forever not trust your newly owned husband and you will forever feel insecure, and jump the moment you see him talking to another woman, because you and you alone know what he is capable of when it comes to cheating. Do yourself a favor and answer this question, "Is that the happily ever after that you're looking for? A marriage not based on trust?"
I was asked out on a date a couple of times by married men,(trust me, the most eligible men in KL are the married ones) and when they answered my first question, whether they were single or married, I heard “I’m married, but errr…..”, I lost them at “err….”. Beyond “err…” lies all the insignificant details no one, except his wife, need to know or even listen. They can go on and on babbling, I’d keep very quiet and listen, but nothing really registers, since what went on in my mind was Nat King Cole’s song , “Fly right” , you know, the part when he said, “your story seem so touchy but it sounds just like a lie”. Then, upon finishing what he wants to say, I told them straight to their faces, “I don’t date married men”. When they come out with lines to convince me that it is okay, I just smiled and repeat the same mantra, “I don’t date married men, no point becoming just friends now, since I’m not comfortable with knowing you wanted more in the first place”…Astalavista baybe…….Well, even when they are not lying, would you want to be with someone who have the tendency to solve a problem, by creating a new one? It’s lame, I know….

2. Workaholics. Basically, when you marry a workaholic, you're automatically the second wife, unless you don’t mind sharing. Unfortunately, I’m an Aries, and Arians are forever a child, we need attention. Cut of the attention supply, we die. Most women who married workaholics are either more in love with the lifestyle these men can provide, rather than loving the men themselves, or love them tremendously to the point of stupor and have the patience to become understanding for the time he stood her up for the 55th time because he had to go golfing, or clubbing, in order to close a deal. Err...you need to have a man in the relationship, in order to have...a relationship, because you need to "relate" to each other, get it? relate-relationship?

3. Men who are just bad....not Michael Jackson's "Bad" but badder than bad. These are the people who'd kill, swindle, etc in order to gain power and wealth. Hmm..no wonder I have never dated politicians. My cousin tried to set me up, behind my back, with this diplomat, Malay guy, UMNO. He thought that just because he's got that fancy car and that fancy job and that fancy face, he could have any women he wanted. Maybe he did, but that was before he met me, and until I sent him off with what looked like his balls in his neck.( it's a talent, I call "intimidate", have coffee with me someday and I'll tell you all about it). I know my cousin meant well, but I felt secretly insulted, that she thought I'd be desperate enough to settle for a lame character. Needless to say, she never pulled any of her matchmaking stunt again. I know, even mafias marry. Well, notice why people make movies about the mafia, not their wives? It's because no one wants to watch a movie full of sadness from the beginning to the end....

4. Philanderers or playboys. Need I say more? You may say, “Oh, he sleeps around and is a playboy because he has not found the right one for him”. Trust me, 99% of philanderers and playboys will never find “the one” because “the one” is this perfect creature than cannot exist in one whole being, instead, only be made possible to exist in a form of “one in 5”. If you think that you can get to the 1% without having to go through at least 99% of the 99%, I suggest you reopen your Mathematics book, the chapter on "Kebarangkalian". By the way, people don’t change. They may think they do, and perhaps they may, for a while, until all that adrenalin of “love or lust at first sight, whatever”, wears off, and he’s off hunting again. It’s a game to them really. They’re not looking for “the one”. Like the adrenalin junkies, they’re looking for the excitement of romance and the getting away with cheating , like a Kleptomaniac.

5. Gamblers. A gambler is like a philanderer or playboy, only their romance is with chance. Notice that I did not put gamblers along with #3? That's because a gambler is not a bad man, rather, just have problems with self control, and they do not hurt others intentionally.

6. Megalomaniacs. I dated one a couple of years back, and it’s tiring just listening to how great he can be all day long. It’s a total put off. Who cares about how great you are, because if you really are, it’ll shine through somehow, and you don’t need to point it out. Hmm..maybe that is why I’ve not dated someone short lately…then again, I’ve always have this thing about men taller than me. A primal need to feel protected maybe, or just a victim of teenagers’ love paperbacks who put this idea of the perfect men as “tall dark and handsome”. I married one by the way…but the handsome part is debatable…if you think Ajev Devgan is cute, then my my hubby was handsome. To me, he’s good looking from the inside. It shined through. He use to buy the whole “pisang goreng” from the makcik by the roadside in the kampong where we were stationed, plus the bananas that was not cooked yet, to make sure the makcik was able to go home because it was getting dark and she was stubborn to continue selling. No, we did not constipate that week, because the bananas and the goreng pisang was distributed to our neighbours that evening.

7. Perverts. I especially hate it when they ask, “Do you sleep with your kid on the same bed?”. My my, jumping the gun aren’t we? I’d play along and say, “we come from a family who are independent in nature, and we begin with sleeping alone since childhood”, which is true by the way, but I just say it to make myself feel better, because, he’s gone after that.

8. Liars, pathological or not. This category of men may be able to get away with more than a couple of dates, until he gets caught. But, he will, because the truth will prevail sooner or later. If you are oblivious, then more likely later than sooner. I don’t mind white lies, but pathological liars are bad news. I’d rather sleep with the loudest snorer than a liar. At least, snores just deprive you from sleep, which you can replace later in the afternoon siesta. Lies deprive you of the truth, and to portray the ability for empathy.

9. Invertebrates. Men without backbones. Mommy’s son falls under this category, well, not all, but most. Or men from wealthy background whereby their parents hold them by the balls; weapon being the inheritance. Or men in general, who just cannot make their own decisions, even a bad one. I want a man. If I had wanted a kid to help make decisions for them, I’d get one. Oh wait!! You need a man for that, what a bummer. Oh well, at least not a man who’s developmentally retarded in the spinal sense of it.

10. Narrow-minded men. If I were to be a lesbian, then narrow minded women. Men, who think that women exist in this world to serve them for example, would sometimes pretend that they are okay with your being independent during courting time. The moment you tie the knot, then suddenly they will start to demand that the “Raja Sehari” status be extended forever, and try to decapitate you out of your freedom wings, and your right to be an individual. Suddenly, you are his subject and you must change to fit his life. This happens a lot with Malay men. I’ve seen couples hooked up after they met in places like the pubs and had a great time courting, but when they are married, suddenly, the girl was made to cover her head and stuff, just to make his mother happy. (she might as well marry the mother in law). For God’s sakes, the reason why you fell in love with each other in the first place was because you were being you. How the hell will they continue loving each other if they are forced to change into someone else?. It’s like you have to fall in love with a new partner all over again. Change can only happen from within, by the person's freewill. Even God grants us the freedom of will, to a certain extent. For this type of men, I say “Hatttttccchoooooo!!!” , stay away as any allergens that instigates allergy need to be…in a land far… far…. away.

I’m sure our parents did not spend all those time loving and caring for us, break their backs to put us through education process so as to give us away completely to some strangers known as the In Laws. That was why I’ve hardly, dated any Malay men. (and the ones I probably accidentally dated, kept reminding me, why I did not date Malay men in the first place). And needless to say, Malay men stay away from me because they cannot stand the idea that a woman can be more smarter, wiser then them, or worst, a smart mouth like me!!!. Basically, it’s to do with the big fat ego. Can’t blame them really, they were brought up to believe that men are superior then women. Malay women like me, comfortable with being independent yet capable of loving someone without being clingy at the same time, just intimidates them to the point of them being insecure. A total piss off. Honestly, if you want to win a heart of most of the Malay men out there, just pretend you’re stupid-er than them, become "gadis ayu" or just cover your head even though it’s not a requirement by God (I have nothing against those who cover their heads, it's their prerogative, it's the insistence that those who do not cover their head to do so, when nothing is stated in the Quran is what pisses me off. Here, read THIS if you have interest in finding out more), in short, learn how to be a hypocrite. (Of course unless if you are comfortable thinking that you are stupider than men, or some second class citizen, or perhaps comfortable at being a hypocrite, then kindly disregard my previous statement. Go ahead and be happy…after all, ignorance can be a bliss). If you can manage that for the rest of the marriage, then, both will have a happily ever after ending, never mind how much Prozak the woman swallows just to keep the marriage alive.

Furthermore, even from my younger days, I hardly have guy pals, who are Malays because they tend to “perasan” that any gal who comes in proximity of 10meters in diameter near them, is because she’s going to try and trap them into a marriage. Frankly, when it comes to most Malay men,(take note the word “most” attached prior to the word “Malay”), I don’t know whether to use my normal friendly tone, or just to ignore them completely, because if you become a little extra friendly, like dare crack some dirty jokes with them, many tend to get the wrong idea, like it’s a sign that you’re interested to jump into their pants…puuuuhleeeeezzzz…..or if you ignore them, then you become “sombong or berlagak”. I prefer to be called the latter. I married a Punjabi for God’s sakes!! hellllllooooo…at least he appreciated me for what I am and even made me more independent. ( a cibhai guy pal of mine, that’s Chinese mix with Bhai by the way, told me “once you kena kari, you tak boleh lari”….LOL!!! I guess that is a Malaysian version of “Once you go black, you will never turn back”…I can go on with this rubbish I tell you…)

11. A pussy. If I wanted to have a relationship with a pussy, I might as well start dating women and decrease my probability of staying home alone on a weekend since statistics shows that women outnumbered men. Obviously this was what men prayed for on mass prayers, since the last century. We women were busy fighting over men, when all we could have done a couple of centuries ago, was to pray for more men than women. Polyandry could have been the trend today, otherwise… ah well, …..could have, would have but didn’t…so don’t go around avowing that women are smarter than men when it comes to relationships.

12. A lazy bum. No need explanation for that right? Garfield characters are best left to read on comic strips, not to have a relationship with let alone marry. Besides, making love would be boring...

13. Men who had just gone through a divorce. It's like dating Smeagol from Lord Of the Ring. One day you're his "precious" (accompanied by the heavy breathing) and the next day he'll be withdrawn and alienated and left you wondering what happened to "precious". Unless you're killing time and while waiting, don't mind dating "The Rest" while waiting for "The One", or have time for another emotional roller coaster ride, then go ahead, be my guest. Otherwise, stay away from Smeagol until he's gotten over his ex completely.

14. Drunkards. Because drunkards have the tendency to commit attrocities and you'll be sucked into this warp of dramatic life...most of them involving anti anxiety and sleeping tablets to keep you going.

15. Ongoing list. Keeping it open to add more through experience. Kind of my “Keep In View” list, that potentially someday make dating almost impossible. So far, the potentials in this list are; politicians – specifically from UMNO, golf-maniacs (it’s bad enough that I’m a widow to a man I love, I ain’t gonna be a Golf Widow too), any maniac for that matter,

As for the checklist of people I’d go out with, .wait, .let me rephrase that, people who are still single, available, not gay and not looney, which incidentally happen to be very scarce but not to the point of extinction,...yet..... that I would consider going out on a date would be;

1. A good soul, someone who is rich with humility and humanity and kind. (The human pool available to date gets smaller.)

2. Spiritual and righteous and have the balls to stand up for his beliefs. Very shaggidalic, yeah, bayybee….I can never be with someone who don’t believe in the existence of god, because that would mean that he doesn’t believe a large part of me.

3. A potential good companion with whom I can have good conversations, doesn't have to be smart conversation all the time...(suddenly Billy Joel's song gave tinnitis to my ears with those words," I don't need clever, conversations"....). Plus point would be one who can make me laugh. (The human pool is slowly coming to a size of extinction). I once left a date in a middle of a date because I got bored with listening to him talking about himself. When I tried to change the subject to something general, he somehow rather brought it back to him, and how he saved some lives who were lost in the jungle (yeah, a Singaporean lost in tertiary jungle, big deal. They can even get lost just following Malaysians signboard). I excused myself to the ladies, called my friend up, told her to fake an emergency and call me before I become the first person to die from a boring conversation. I know…. it’s lame.

4. Someone who portrays the ability to empathize, who’d understand that when a woman whines, she’s not looking for a specific solution, but just wanted a shoulder to cry on. A foot massage would make me fall in infatuation instantly.

5. Someone low keyed. I don’t enjoy much attention and value privacy like it’s oxygen (privacy, yeah, that explains this article…). Let me rephrase that; I enjoy physical privacy. I hate making small conversation, even if my job turned me into a good small-conversationist, if such a word exists.

6. Someone who have a job, an honest one. It doesn’t matter what, as long as he’s not unemployed. Men who are not happy with his life especially with his work, let alone with unemployment, will never be happy in any relationship. I don’t want to date an unnecessarily unhappy man.

7. It's an ongoing list.

Don't get me wrong, look not for the perfect man; for such a man or a woman for that matter, does not exist...because, nobody IS perfect......the perfect-for-each-other would be a great start....

N.B Because of this list, I have now live a life of a hermit. Oh, but don't feel sorry for me because it's by choice. Let's just say, I've been there and done that and frankly, I'm jaded. It occurred to me, that when I first met my husband, I did not even have to work on it. I was in a relationship with my boyfriend, ex boyfriend, and was hanging out with this guy pal pouring my heart about love and life, (innocently thinking he was just there for me as just friends, until he started sending me roses when I told him I fancied my late husband!! He's a Malay by the way..who's to know what goes on inside a Malay men's head..they like to wait the last minute don't they?) when our destiny crossed each others' paths. Only for the reasons that I will know, and God of course, I took an unlikely path and it accidentally bumped into his. The rest was history. I shouldn't be proud of this, but I left my then boyfriend (in a good way, complete with closure) who was already a full fledge doctor, and hooked up with my hubby instead, who was still struggling to pass his final year exams. How can I explain the strange thing called serendipity and destiny? The answer is, I can't. Neither will I attempt to. If I were to do it all over again, knowing that I'd be a widow today, I'd still pick my husband.

The beautiful thing about being a human being, is that we have something to get us going and it's called "hope". Who knows, I may get lucky again and fate has it that I stumble into the path of another "the one".(judging by the list...I think God has to intervene.heh..heh....well,it wont' be the first time.). I'm not hopeless, just hopeful. .
Do listen in to the lyrics, they're beautiful..

In the meantime, there are other beautiful things in life, awaiting to be embraced..

Bra-ssure ah?

2009-07-14T11:04:00.000+08:00

I hate buying brassieres!! It's mentally traumatizing and self esteem wrecking, well, at least to me. The stressful fact that my existing bra needed replacement…. yet again, could instigate a series of hormonal changes in my already failed to defy gravity body, resulting in zits that made my face look like a teenager, inconsistent with the theme of the rest of my body which is joining the rest of the Muslim country in Malaysia and The Club of Doom. It's not like my breasts had grown a size bigger. In fact, I secretly suspect that I may be the world’s first undiagnosed female, who have a polymastia/accessory breasts/or in laymen's term; THE THIRD BREAST , and probably the first to have the fourth one without actually having the first two... I read somewhere though, "this is the age when we finally get our head together, only to have the rest of the body falling apart". Well, at least I have one thing less to sag...then again, how can they sag when technically, they don't exist?

This is my dilemma. I take after my father, the flat chested part included in the package; how inconvenient. Let me put it to you this way; when others say they are worried about the small lumps they’ve discovered in their breasts, I worry about the small lumps on my chest are actually the breasts. Anyway, a friend suggested a push up bra, a maximizer apparently it's called. I try them on, and discovered that in order to look good in a push up bra, you need to have breasts for the bra to have something to push up. So, let me run you through with this; for your breasts to look good, you need a push up bra. To be able to use a push up bra however, you need to have a good size breasts. Therefore, if you are flat chested, you’re busted…in a non-busty sense of it. Indeed, it is but a vicious cycle. Oh joy, another potential topic for the Discovery Channel.

And why the hell women need to use a bra in the first place?!! Some tribes in Africa are happily moving around with their boobs dangling like they’re lunch boxes, which technically, is what they are. A twin set of lunch boxes to be precise. After all, if all women go around half naked - the upper half naked, just to be exact, then men would get used to looking at those dangling boobs and well, they won’t be ummm.. “moved” by them after some time. It’s just human nature really; they get excited when things aren’t accessible to them. Look at doctors for instance. Breast examination could actually embarrass the doctors rather than the patients. Gynaecologists be another example; when you bump into them in the hallway,chances are, they may not even recognize you, until you lie down on the examination table and they take a look at your “gateway to procreation” only then they may greet you, “Oh hello Mrs So and So, nice to see you again”. It’s a form of patient identification method rather than a sexual object really.

Why do you think the Arabs make their women wear the Hijab. It gives them prolong and never ending excitement. First, get excited with those lovely pair of eyes. When eyes don't excite no more, then the nose is next, the cheeks then…. by the time they get to see the hair (which would probably be the last thing to see because basically, covering the hair is given prime importance in Islam – never mind if you don’t wear underwear for convenience of the “thou shalt propagate forth” ), they would have gotten old and exhausted.

Then there's the line of comfy cotton teenage bra, (how sad, I’ve resolved to that) but alas! They do not have them in skin color. They have all the fancy designs in bright colors which made me wonder, aren't bras suppose to remain not just Victoria’s secret but secret of all women too?

What next, a sequel to Wonder Woman whereby she wears not only her underwear over her tights, but also her bra over her shirt? Oh wait…she did that already, redefining undergarment. In fact, she just wore the bra…probably in a haste all the time to save everyone's day, no time to put a shirt on . Hmm…maybe that was how Wonder Woman got her name…from Wonder Bra..
Sometimes I wonder, why bother with the bra. Flat chested women should just go around wearing that Pagoda Singlet…why bother hiding something that’s not there anyway.

So, why is buying brassieres traumatizing for some women again?, or perhaps it’s just for me. I don’t know about the others but for me, getting a bra is as tough as getting a man. You need something that is supportive, protective, reliable, trustworthy, comfortable, sexy and close to your heart. But unlike men, brassieres you can buy….
(don't bother clicking onto the link below...post ends here...it's a technical error of which I have yet to correct..after i do my brassiere shopping..sigh..)

"When Harry Shagged Sally..."

2009-07-07T23:19:00.000+08:00

I was doing 90km/hr on the highway, just cruising along on a snoozy Sunday afternoon when I decided that I have had an overdosed of zen from "The Phantom of the Opera" sound track, and changed the mode back to 89.9. No, wait, that's BFM, something I listen to when I've had enough with the "Black music" singing mostly about how horny they are or white boy trying to rap like da brothers yo.... It's kind of amusing to listen to how a white "black wanabe" Eminem slams a black "white wanabe" Michael Jackson in a talking "singing wanabe" music we call "rap". Actually, I think it was Jules and Prem on the Fly Fm chatting away. I'm pretty sure it was not Hitz FM because I haven't been feeling mentally retarded for quite some time now.

What were the DJs talking about? Well, whadaya know...It's that cliche topic "Can men and women be just friends". Oh! For Gawd's sakes, can they move on to some other up to date topic like, "Can men and women still remain friends after they shag each other stupid once upon a Heinnekken?" or something like that. Then there will be the battle among sexes. Guys will say this and gals will say that, sometimes more to spite each other rather than answering the question, which was kind of cool for me.

If it's not for my loosing my hands-free,well, actually I still would not have called to tell them the answer. Fortunate for the human species, the answer is not 42 (hah..trust some Artificial Intelligent being to come up with an answer. Oh, and you've got to be a fan of Douglas Adams to understand what I've just said). What is the answer you ask me? Well of course there is an answer. It's just that I don't have it with me. You see, the truth is OUT THERE, not in here. But if you insist on me answering a question for the heck of answering, well then, then my answer would be "Yes of course a man and a woman can be just friends!!! If one of them is homosexual......duuuuuhhhhhh...". I think gay men and women make the best of friends. Besides, there's no competition for total men out there amongst women and gay men because, if you're gay, you're gay, it just happen to be that way. Gay men don't go after straight guys.

Okay, here's the rest of the answer for those who are straight ; "Yes, a man and a woman can be just friends only if the woman decided so". I say that not because I'm a sexist, but via my observation through time, based on my experience and the experience of others that confided in me. Besides, most of my closes friends are guys...I know what goes on in their minds because, sometimes, they tend to forget that I am a woman.....Noooo...not because I'm not attractive..it's because I lay down the terms and take control...just show them it's more fun being friends than having women as sex objects...(why...?! You actually were gullible enough to think that men actually evolved from apes? Psssstttt.....they never did you know....they have yet to evolve someday when it comes to their luuuuuuurrrrve tool...)
( Click below to find out why "men and women cannot be just friends unless..." and some video scenes from "When Harry Met Sally").

You can't blame men for this. It's just that nature have it that way, that they have to share the total body blood supply amongst two heads. You can't trust an oxygen deprived male brain (the actual gray matter)when it goes into autopilot mode. All the more should it be intoxicated with alcohol, although sometimes, poor ol' alcohol gets the blame when men looks for loop holes to fill up holes using alcohol as a lame excuse. Sometimes they're not even drunk yet before those hands starts sending drones. This is why, women should get drunk only with gal pals. Okay, perhaps not a very good suggestion as you never know, the next day you wake up, suddenly you've become an overnight lesbian. Well, unless of course if you want to, otherwise, just don't get drunk. Drinking and driving may just be the least of your problems. Here, listen to what Harry said:

I can go on and on, but I've decided to post another scene from "When Harry met Sally". This clip is a little long, but it summarizes the whole "Why it is women who can control the situation to just keep it as just friends". Take a peep...this is what happened "When Harry Shagged Sally"...

Notice how Harry's expression differs from Sally's during the aftermath? Well, ladies...do the math......

I hear someone say that "well, they ended up happily ever after". My dear friends, I have bad news for you. Happily ever after only occur in small percentage of statistics. It's so rare, that was why they made it into a movie!!!

I mean, watch this happy ending here and tell me this happens in real life; It's endearing no doubt..but still...surreal...

I know...it's this kind of happy ending that make those who make the bigger portion that made up the statistics of unhappy endings, do idiotic things in the name of love.....

"Friendship is more tragic than love. It lasts longer"
- Oscar Wilde -

To love and be loved in return....how now?

2009-07-04T14:13:00.000+08:00

I was going through my CD collection, in an effort to compile most of these songs into an iPod, (yes, it’s time to move a step forward from the Dinosaur Age) when my eyes locked gaze with Nat King Cole. I was not born in the era of artists like Oscar Peterson, Nat King Cole, Duke Ellington, Ella Fitzgerald and many more, but having an uncle who was fond of playing even the National Anthem in jazz arrangement, somehow helped made me appreciate conventional jazz, even more than I do the fusion and fission version. The oldies seem to have songs with simple melody and a simpler lyric that do not offend or cause discomfort to the genital areas of some listeners. You don’t know what I mean? Well, take Pussycat Dolls songs for example. I won’t even bother to comment on the market strategy of the group name (pussy…yeah….), so let me go straight to the lyrics;

Funny how a man only thinks about the..
You got a real big heart
And he’s lookin’ at yer…
You got a real big brain
But he’s lookin’ at yer…
Girl there ain’t no pain in me lookin’ at yer..

“I don’t give a damn
keep lookin’ at maah…
cause it don’t mean a thayng if yer lookin’ at maah…
ammedo maah thayng while you’re playin’ withcha..”
(some heavy breathing HAH HAH HAH ensues…)

My pussy though, (as in my kampong cat) can co a better job with the lyrics by summarizing the whole lines to a simple “NNNGGGAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUU” that comes from deep within the gut. Now, every cat in the neighborhood understands that simple lyric to be a booty call. Pussy cat doll, my foot!!! It is a tragedy though, to the music industry, that the melody is damn catchy!! It is not amusing when you get caught singing the lyrics without you realizing you’re actually singing when your ears are stuffed with them earphones, and some guy with a big PAS turban happen to understand what you’re humming about. Hmm…maybe that is why they go around in that white jubah; to hide all possibility of erection from environmental stimulations, be it intentional or otherwise.

Now, listen to the lyrics of Nat King Cole’s “Nature Boy” and tell me they instill wisdom and love, (the kind of love where the actual head do the thinking). The main words that struck me right through the heart was, “The greatest thing, you’ll ever learn, is to love and be loved in return”.

I wish the modern lyricists would quit writing garbage mainly expressing how horny a person can feel within that 4 minutes of melody and start unraveling how is it that in this modern times, we can learn how to love and be loved in return.
I mean, I have absolutely no idea what love is anymore. On second thoughts, I do. But I don’t know how to find it, or should I just chill and let it find me…again? Can I be lucky the second time around? I’m dead sure I’m not alone in this.
In this modern life, relationship is complicated. Halt!! Let me rephrase that. Relationship is simple, but human have evolved into this complicated species, ergo complicates a simple matter such as a relationship. Then again, if we manage to complicate a grave thing like a religion, what’s complicating a relationship right? a piece of cake, no doubt.
(more on relationships, if you dare...., click below)

If anyone ever wonder why the rate of divorce had gone up since the days when Doris Day was prancing around in clothes that do not show off what her mama gave her, it’s because women have become more independent and refuse to tolerate men’s rubbish. Our mothers seem to have high tolerance rate for their men, which I think is kind of cool because women have accepted the fact that most men just grow old, but they hardly grow up, but women had since lowered their threshold of putting up with men’s nonsense, and they do not hesitate to exercise their women’s right hence the increase number of divorce cases we hear lately.

What nonsense you ask me? Some men and women mistook philandering as another adventure like back packing or traveling, but compared to men, women who are married are less likely to get involved in an extramarital affairs. We would rather imagine an extraterrestrial affair rather than an extramarital affair. Conscience no longer haunt the soul of people who took the vow in a contract called marriage, yet continue to live their lives as though they a singleton. When God encourages us to be active socially, He did not mean sexually active in society, I’m sure. But is divorce is such a taboo? Is divorce worst than say, staying miserable in a marriage? Having said that, I believe, a couple should exhaust all efforts to maintain and work things out, before they put up the white flag. After all, marriage is a vow, the decision to keep it solely ours to make. If we decide to keep a vow, we’ll do everything necessary we can to keep it, but I think if all else fails, including the sincere and tenacious effort to keep a marriage alive, perhaps divorce is a way out to staying insane.

Women have passed the age of depending solely on men. Love a man not because you need him. Need him because you love him. Since some women do not need men to be financially stable, why bother love him. That may explain women becoming choosy when it comes to tying the knot, all because she can afford to do so. After all, why bother buying a whole pig when all you need is a pound of sausage. Oh well, maybe 3 pounds. Can’t tell because sausages are evaluated by their circumference and length, the last time I checked.

As for men, they can afford to be choosy because there is 3:1 ratio of women to men today. So, instead of having to work out a marriage,on top of trying to handle the overrated mid life crisis, why bother to sweat when he can just settle for a younger meat, take a shortcut, and file for divorce. To make matters worse, current world population showed that women have outnumbered men. If you think things cannot go any more worst than that, men have decided that being cavemen is so not retro,and they’ve become confused with too many choices of women, some decided to just become gay. The ample women pool now have less men to tame, so they too, in the spirit of “if men can do it, so can we” (although no one brag about being able to pee straight from 3feet away from the source of urine) decided to become lesbians. I can grasp the concept of gay men, but what is there to rub in between two woman that is more satisfying than the conventional method? I’m just old fashion and a bigot, tell me to my face and I really could not care less.

I am old fashion when it comes to relationships. Although I personally use the Smart Tag on the road, on the contrary, I believe that “touch and go” should just be exercised on the toll, not in relationships. I don’t dig one-night stands just as I don’t dig Mawi. I’ve seen enough highly communicative people ending up in my clinic for treatment of equally highly communicable diseases. Trust me, once you experience warts in your love tool, you ain’t gonna feel that lovey dovey no more…

Where do all these life’s complication leaves us all? A little lonely I guess. Oh, even in marriage a person can still feel lonely, even though he/she is not alone in a physical sense of it. What can one say except, c’est la vie. Someone asked me why I’ve stopped dating. It’s been 9 years now since the death of my loving husband. Well, I did start dating again after 3 years of mourning for his death, but it has been one disappointment after another. If it’s not me being too good for someone, apparently I was told by them as a break up line, which for once they actually meant it,(I can’t act like a dumb blonde just to get laid can I?) or we both decided that we were better off as friends, or it’s that someone who is just an asshole. Most of the time, men gets intimidated by me. Well, I don't intend to not be myself just not to intimidate them - it kind of separates the boys from the men actually).

Either or, they all ended up with disappointments. So much so, that I’ve grown comfortable in being disappointed, I prefer not to go out on a date at all. I’ve reached my 40s and the best thing in life when a woman reaches her 40s, is that they already know what they want in life. As for me, I’ve already tasted true love. I won’t settle for less. I no longer see the need to put up with crap just so I can show the world that I have somebody in my life. A spouse is not like what a new handbag is to a woman, or a Harley Davidson is to a man with a midlife crisis. When you grow wiser, all you want is a companion and it doesn’t really have to be a person of the opposite sex, (and I do not mean this in a lesbian manner). After all, before you fell in love for the first time, your life alone before that had been happy too. Besides, everyone dies alone. If all else fails, well, there is always Prozac to help you get by those sleepless nights…(Prozac is the official companion for relationships – with or without )

I know this is rather a pessimistic and cynical view of love. Don’t be fooled by it. When true love comes, you will be left with no choice but to embrace it, trust me on this one. I’ve live and loved long enough to believe in serendipity and in destiny. That was how I met my hubby.

So for the women out there who are frantic upon being alone, well, don’t. Stop making excuses for men should they fail to call you back after that date. It’s not that they are too busy, or too confused or their fingers caught fire and could not touch that dial, it’s simply because they are not into you. No point pondering why, just carry on with life. Do not think a failed relationship is a waste of time, because it is in failure that you learn and become wiser. You are what you are today because of what you learn in life before this. Have faith and your wishes will flower. Someday somehow some way…true love will come knocking on your door…..and you’d be surprised that you are happy that there is no other door that have the word “EXIT” on it..

Ummmm......., I think someone ought to gently break to her the bad news..

err..there is no such person as the perfect man/woman...it's the perfect for each other we should be looking for...

Tribute To MJ - Best Dance Performances

2009-07-02T17:09:00.000+08:00

Despite the controversy surrounding Michael Jackson, here is how most of us would like to remember him.......We Love You Michael...

We are Ordinary People

2009-07-01T23:09:00.000+08:00

In a course of my job,many a times I've come across questions that made me answer for the heck of answering, yet manage to keep me awake some nights, actually pondering over it. One of the frequently asked question is "How do we make it in a relationship? What is the secret to it's longevity? Wait, that is two question. Oh well, perhaps they are redundant, but you get my point.

I've been in quite a few relationships, yet, no, I have no idea why things turn out well, or why they turn and headed through the door. I would however, have an idea of what makes me want to stay and play, and what makes me flee. Well, if you've been in enough relationships and manage to savor the last piece of your heart from crushing, even if you don't know what you are looking for in a partner, you sure as hell know what you don't!!

Then along came John Legend. When I heard his song, Ordinary People, it finally dawned to me...

Have a listen, if not browse through the lyrics below the video. Yea..yea..so I'm a control freak....sue me..

In a way, he answered some of my questions, if not all. Perhaps he will answer yours.
Maybe when someone ask me the question again, I'll just pass them this song in a CD and tell them, "Go figure....."

"Ordinary People"

[Verse 1]

Girl I'm in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss then we make up on the way

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby you and I

We are ordinary people

The Last Rehearsal

2009-06-30T16:32:00.000+08:00

Still look good to me...gone too fast...just too fast...

Here's some good news for older women...well it's about time!!

2009-06-22T23:37:00.000+08:00

I was sitting quietly in the library the other day browsing through magazines I love reading but don't bother to buy (well, that's the whole idea of going to the library right?) when my tired eyes caught sight of this little article. Go ahead and click on the image and have a good read.

Well, well, well..If only Woody Allen had known this before he left Mia Farrow for their adopted teenage kid...All his brilliance won't be passed down to his child from that, what should I call that ungrateful adopted child of theirs? Can't call her a bitch, because both adopted parents are from the homosapien species.

Come to think of it, it kind of explained why this world is full of morons, characters who think they are smart...Apparently,this is what happens to kids born from older fathers (presumably left their Starter Wives for a better life. One word - "Karma"). Oh but I don't mind having a below average intelligence child if George Clooney fathers them. Besides, I'm...errr...not young, so I'll kaotim the dumb effect of his defected sperm producing love tool, so perhaps we'll get average intelligence kids. That'll work. Of course I've got to do it before 45 so as not to end the argument of who's smart genes won when we are reminded with a simple fact that mothers above 45 have higher risk of producing Down Syndrome kids. ( I said higher risk, don't panic. My grandauntie gave birth to my now, auntie, at the age of 49. The only dumb thing about the whole thing is that we can't bully her since she's higher by hierarchy) No, I will never make fun of these precious kids, the Down Syndrome. I will however make fun of the normal people who choose to behave like they have the same kind of genes as these special kids...so who doesn't make fun of most of them sitting in parliament anyway.

God...Imagine if Hugh Hefner decided to have one kid each from his Miss January till Miss December Pin Up gals!!! Imagine if there are more than one Hugh Hefner character!! Democracy can be really a dangerous choice for a country full of under average intelligence beings....I chucked aloud at that though, the librarian gave me that look as though she was about to throw me out but knows she can't.

Basically, the take home message would be;

1. Don't mess with Karma

2. Older men should stop having fantasies of having kids from younger women with mind boggling boobs that do not compliment with their messed up sperm producing genes, instead settle for older women who can counter those effects, should they decide to have above average intelligence kids. Alas! Like I said before..the world is full of morons and schizophrenics, we just found out one other reason why and I don't think it will ever change that soon. Hmm...I wonder what age the late Tun Abdul Razak had Najib.....

3. A new IQ testing method should be derived simply by coming up with an equation that comprises of the ages of both parents.

4. An atheist, upon reading this article may have this take home message; "There is a God after all"................

Top Ten Aging Indicator

2009-04-07T15:30:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I wrote in this blog, I almost locked myself out by forgetting my own password. That's another thing about aging. I don't know about aging gracefully, but the memory certainly excuses itself gracefully. Like, oops, excuse me, I've forgotten my own birthday, although this may be due to the brain trying hard to block out the birth date (it happens when the numbers start to hit 4 , with nothing comprising of a single digit, perhaps the brains is superstitious and start thinking "aiyah, 'say' lor"), or oops, I left my kids at the petrol pump toilet, or some singleton like me may forget where our "G" spots are. (that explains why the need to occasionally, from time to time "take matters into our own hands" so that we are reminded of where our love spots are and rekindle how orgasm may actually feel like, otherwise we may actually have to fake it, under pressure). And for those who have no clue what a "G" spot it, it's never too late to Google it....

Where am I going with this article? Well, actually I have forgotten the purpose of me writing this, but trust me, I'm blessed with the gift of describing a confused moment, turning it from an intentional short note into a verbiage. That's a talent any aging, especially women, obtains the moment her body starts to loose the battle against gravity.....(and trust me..everything else will follow that direction from there on), we automatically become naggers. By the time we reach the age of 60, our nagging skills reaches their peak performance and the more you nag, the more people will discover that your memory have caved in ergo you earned the term "senile" . For instance, this nonsense talking had taken up 2 paragraphs, and I still don't have a single clue as what I shall right about.

Ah well, since I've been babbling about aging, why not resume about it. In case you are wondering how to tell that you are aging, here are some tips, from the top of my head, that I think may be worthwhile to know, especially for those who are in denial, on how to know for sure that you are getting old;

1o top signs and symptoms of aging:

1. You look into the mirror to perform the routine facial exercises and wondered whether you have done the frowning expression twice because when you smile, you still look as though you are frowning. You can't really tell, because there are too many lines running across your face, competing with each other to express themselves.

2. Therefore you no longer laugh at the Bulldog.

3. You require longer sleeping hours to recuperate, sometimes too long, even your dreams may run out of ideas. Garfield's quote finally came true "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak" but for those who deny aging, they may say "I am not sleeping, I am in deep thought", a line my daughter likes to use when she gets caught sleeping on her homework.

4. You are ample with wisdom, even long after all your wisdom tooth had fallen off. It's like,just when you've finally gotten your head together, your body starts to fall apart.

5. You are in the middle of having sex and about to have a massive orgasm only to forget which bodily fluids that you're suppose to discharge, the urine or the semen. (applicable to men only)

6. You wonder when someone commented "You're hot", whether he meant that he could actually feel your hot flushes by radiation (applicable to women only, men suffers a breakdown of menopause which is "men-no-pause", trust me, it's more detrimental to others' mental health)

7. You save money; on shavers as hair voluntarily falls off before you can muster the energy to get to the nearest shop to buy them, and on sanitary pad, unless of coarse it is substituted by pad use for incontinence. Apparently, Kiegel has the last laugh for not performing his suggested exercise.

8. You no longer have Mother In Law problems, as most likely she's deceased.

9. The same deeds that your kids use to do that got you screaming at the top of your lungs, somehow seem adorable when your grandkids do them.

10. You don't get amused very easily, and only exceptional people like Samy Vellu makes you laugh, even when he's not attempting to be funny, or when his toupe did not get blown away by the draft.

There you go. If you have some if not all the symptoms above, I suggest you get out of denial, upgrade your will, stop browsing through Playboy magazine, or Home Decor books unless it's the "Home for the elderly - top 10 "

"Get Lost"!!

2009-02-19T21:53:00.000+08:00

In life,one of the easiest thing to do is to get lost. You don't think so? Well, then you've not been driving in Malaysia roads. Let me rephrase that, you've not been driving on Malaysian roads, and follow the sign board. Oh, just to prove my point, try that stunt driving through Putrajaya. Don't worry, you wont get totally lost in this little experiment, just make sure the car has full tank petrol filled and the smart tag uploaded. One do not get lost in Putrajaya, merely delayed. And can someone tell me, why are the precincts in Putrajaya are not in sequence? There is a reason why Town Planners are called "planners"...or was there some precincts unplanned, like that accidents that happen with the type of condoms that gave Red Indians' names like "Broken Rubber"?

It amuses me to learn that a group of Singaporean got lost in Malaysian jungle some time back. I suppose they presumed that Malaysia, like Singapore have got proper sign boards that get the job done getting you from point A to point B. We Malaysians get lost following our sign boards in town, what makes the Singaporeans think that they won't get lost in our jungle!!

You can get lost in your thoughts. I do that all the time. I would be made to realize that I did just that when I start talking to myself with hand gestures thrown in, the moment my daughter would give me that look, equavalent to a rolled up eyeball and tongue in cheek moment. The latter would probably get her into trouble for attempting to be rude to the elderly, so she somehow had mastered this "look". The look that says, "you're doing it again....that talking out loud thing"

I remember one incident in an elevator when I realized I did a boo-boo. I saw this man giving me this weird look and before I could figure out why, the words,"Amma do mah thayng while you're playin' witcha", came out of my mouth in some distorted melody, as the earphones that blasted the Pussycat Doll's song prevented me from singing in tune. It doesn't help that the earphones were well hidden underneath all my big hair. I guess you can get lost in a song...

Then, you can loose your identity. That happens easily when you are married. Suddenly, you are no longer simply Mary for instance, rather, Mrs So and So, or So and So's mom. You play your part so well, setting your family as top priority, sometimes you forget to save a piece of you. There are occasions whereby, you don't recall who you really are, as an individual. You don't know what is your favourite song, because you are too busy running around at work, or running your home, or entertaining your husband's colleagues at work. You no longer have time for the simple pleasure of having fun like dancing, or grooming etc. You've been to everywhere but you've not been to YOU. You're just hopelessly lost.

Then you can get lost in Malaysian politics. You start to wonder, where do all these politicians come from? I mean, Men are from Mars, women from Venus..... politicians? At the rate they are going, they cannot possibly be human. Watching the local news is like watching wrestling nowadays. You know they're staged and have a stupid plot where one gets cheering for hurting the other party, yet you just need to stay tuned to see how bad the plot can get and you get lost in that.

See how easy it is to get lost? It's no wonder people like to say,"Get lost"..because getting lost is easier than "Go away" or "Fuck off" (how can someone have sex and disappear simultaneously, oh wait...invisible man, when he takes off his clothes..silly me..). I think I should abort writing now, because I can feel myself getting lost in my own writing.

Female fatale? Oh no..just feminine, thank you

2008-11-25T18:05:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I have doubts that I'm genuinely a woman. No, I'm not talking about me being a hermaphrodite or anything anatomically or physiologically of the sort. Just, you know, my gist. Does every woman feel this way? Or perhaps just those you became wiser through the process in life and a couple of bad ...I mean really baaaaaad relationships, so much so, we became stronger inside. More like loosing the "innocence" as men would put it.

Well, if knowing all men's tricks just to get laid means loosing innocence, than I'm glad I'm not one of those woman who is naive enough to think that men don't lie when they say they'll never lie to you..now, THAT is the biggest lie ever by the way.

I'm talking about feminity or femininity. I googled and Merriam Webster Online Dictionary gave the definition as "the quality or nature of the female sex". Okay, this definition, to me is not helping. Just having a vagina does not constitute femininity, I'm sure those people who are responsible for the irresponsible release of fatwas must know more than say, why it is not right to blow up civilians in the name of God. So I resume my search for the meaning of femininity
(I'm using this term instead of the shorter "feminity" because, my notebook keep underlining the word "feminity" in red, just to suggest it is wrong in spelling, everytime I type the word, and it is driving me nuts). Good old Wikipedia came up with a better answer,

Femininity (also called womanliness) refers to qualities and behaviors judged by a particular culture to be ideally associated with or especially appropriate to women and girls. Distinct from femaleness, which is a biological and physiological classification concerned with the reproductive system, femininity principally refers to secondary sex characteristics and other behaviors and features generally regarded as being more prevalent and better suited to women, whether inborn or socialized. In traditional Western culture, such features include gentleness, patience, vanity, superficiality and kindness.

Apart from the intact secondary sex characteristics (so okay, I take after my father in being flat chested, but hey, I did breast fed my kid although I lost to the cows milk in preference due to the inability to cope up with infant's demands, but small does not constitute absent), gentleness...well, my husband never complained (then again, I married a Punjabi), patience...hmm...this is where I'm getting screwed by definition...vanity...oh..oh..when was the last time I saw my reflection in the mirror? Just like sex, if I pause to think of an answer, the answer would be "too long"...superficiality. Wait a minute....not all women are superficial!!! I'm deep. I'm basically deeper than an abyss of deepness!!! So deep I sometimes cannot decipher my own depth...what the fish do they mean by superficiality as a characteristic of a female !!! Half the men I dated and dumped are superficial, and trust me, they don't have a vagina to match!! Snort!!

and kindness...well, if being cruel in order to be kind is considered as kindness, than I'm all female..phew!!

It's either I'm not feminine, or the people responsible in defining "femininity" should rewrite the definition. Or wait, perhaps the females of today need to redefine femininity, taking into account, the evolution women have gone through to become the women we are today.

How would I redefine femininity? Assuming we've established the fact that all femininity constitutes a vagina, boobs and butts as qualification, well for starters, the habit of crying to get what we want, should not be ascociated with femininity ( albeit it still works and you may find this trick in "How to boss men around for Dummies" reserve this for emergency casses only). The old trick of "Oh mah gawd, I've dropped maaah handkerchief" should be made obsolete. Well it's halfway there because women hardly use handkerchief anymore, since Kleenex. Instead, women should learn how to just voice out our needs, sparing the lacrimal gland from work. It's too demeaning.

For the married single parent women (married to a hopeless man who doesn't contribute ergo as good as being a single mom plus the occasional mercy corpulations), who should be wearing their underwear over their pants just like the other Superheroes, may not have time to be vain or patient (infants can sometimes take up 2 hours just to finish a meal), but I think they are more feminine than any femininities put together.

Kindness. Well, I can't say this to women who'd go all the way to wreck a happy marriage just to get laid, or worse, married. There's no kindness in there but they are the type who have time to indulge in vanity and patience....patience of plotting and planning how to get her man. For the women who struggle to keep a family together, and who have encountered with these unkind female species, trust me, you are more feminine than these bitches. You know what they say about poison fruits that has to look attractive for the animals to come eat them? Well, only dumb animals eat poison fruits. So, don't cry a tear when your husband fall for this type of bitches. It's like getting rid of a dumb animal....

Strenght. That's what redefines the women of this millenium. We have no choice but to be strong. Strong of course do not mean steroid muscullar, I can take my hubby down in a fist fight strenght, although there is nothing wrong with that too. But strong inside I guess. "For every successful man , there is a strong woman behind him" , it's true. What is not written in that phrase is "a woman, who is not just strong, but supportive, understanding, emphatic, loving woman just waiting to kick the hubby's butt should he slackened"...take that for femininity yawl...

So yes, having written this, and redefining "femininity" , now I feel much better and all womanly....too bad not many men are wise enough to realize this. In Malaysian setting, to me, (who happens to be a screwed up female, and nightmare to the male species, if not a weapon of mass destruction yet) femininity still constitutes ;(here are the top 10)

1. Inferiority - women are just inferior to men. The more you accept this fact, the more feminine you are regarded.
2. Superiority disguised - even if you are smarter than your man, at least have the audacity of pretending to be dumber...it's socially acceptable.
3. Should not drive (although this one I tend to agree)
4. Exclusively for Muslim women - the enormous ability to sacrifice your gray matter and accept things that allegedly will get you go to heaven, such as polygamy, cover up the whole body, be totally if not partially dependant to the husband, did I mention polygamy?
5. Able to giggle with a single sigh
6. Nagging. Women should nag. Otherwise men won't have another reason to cheat.
7. Shopping. Well, someone has got to finish the lump sum of money the husband is making otherwise it'll be wasted.
8. Look good and sexy at all times - the bitches who have no problems breaking a marriage will tell you that.
9. No futsal...are you mad!!! You're as good as a lesbian if you play football, didn't your mom tell you that!!!
10. Able to produce tears with a single blink of the eye...

Well there you go....having said all I've said, there are women out there who are just total opposites, but know that they are all woman anyway...

"He who knows, and knows he knows,
He is wise - follow him"

To all the true feminine women out there, don't even doubt it!!! Let's redefine it instead.

The Ex Files.....(rolling up the eyeballs and yawning....)

2008-10-29T17:51:00.000+08:00

I guess this is going to be one of the cliche stories, amongst millions,about someone, bumping into the ex. Yes, talk about the Ex Files. I ran into mine the other day and the thing that amazes me most,is how a little glimpse could open up a huge Pandora Box.

I'm not going to talk about how we met, or how we broke up. You can get that from watching the telenovelas or movies from Bollywood. There are hundred reasons for two people to meet up and billions of reasons for them to break up. No. Things begin as well as end. That is destiny. I'm not going to talk about what and why it is destined, rather, how we handle that destiny.

Somewhere between "goodbye" and "one last cry", there is this huge space filled with mixed emotions, weaving, intertwining, overlapping,co-existing emotions of emptiness, anger, bitterness, sadness, gratitude, bewilderment,dejected, despondent, rejected,ergo there will be a point where it makes you wonder, why do we keep falling in love, only to have that love die,and you, in utmost pain, picking up the pieces.

Then when time passes on, you begin to accept the fact that thing have ended and whatever said and done,he/she is gone. Sometime you sigh in relief, because breaking up is hard to do, but sometimes, breaking up is necessary. Deciphering and digesting this fact makes healing faster. But when you realize that, the person who had walked out of your life, or who you've walked out on, is a person you cannot imagine your life to be without, then, there is a possibility that you may never heal at all.

Of course there are many sad songs to make you cry. Crying helps really. Then you talk about it. Gradually, insidiously, you begin to realize, that the crying gets lesser, and you smile more often that you did the days before. And you know, you are on the road to recovery.

Then you've recovered fully, or so you thought, until one fine day, you bumped into that person you use to love. In that few instances, you will be forced of a verdict on whether you have actually recovered. Because how catastrophic your heart beats could possibly be a way to measure that recovery.

Out poured the contents of Pandora Box and the next thing you know, you're listening to suicidal songs in mid afternoon again. Then the recovery process repeats itself.

If you are lucky, you may fall in love again, but you know,deep within you, unexplainably, that it may or may not be as good. Alas!! It may even be better. Maybe you will learn in the next relationship, that love doesn't really have to hurt after all. That previous hurt made you wonder, should I or should I not get involved again? Then there are the "ifs"...what if it works, what if I end up where I started,in pain. Can I live through that pain a second time around? You will be drowning in an abyss of uncertainty. But you know you have to go on in life, as it is pointless to stay melancholic forever. Life, have to go on, no matter how cliche it sounds when people tell it to you. Perhaps the most annoying thing would be, that you know they are right.

The saddest revelation someone could have when the love of his life walked out the door,is the feeling she left you. It makes you feel worthless. You tell yourself good things to pacify the hurt, but deep down, you cannot escape that feeling of worthlessness.

So it brings me back to the question, "if love hurts like hell, why do we keep falling in and out of love?". Well, I'm no genius, but I figured, to be able to recognize and appreciate true love, perhaps you need to experience a few degrees of love. I hate to say it, when it comes to love, you're damn if you do and damned if you don't...until you find that true love, if you are lucky enough that is...

There is a positive side to this whole emotional mess that I've gone through. I use to take for granted that love is for everyone, until I missed that boat. As I browse through life and and love,sometimes taking my time when all is worth, I begin to actually comprehend, what Nat King Cole meant when he sang,
"The greatest gift, you'll ever learn,
is to love
and be loved in return"
Something I've known all along, but never really deciphered, until of course, I deciphered.....

Love is a gift. Marriage is the bonus. A lasting marriage between two people who love each other,truly, is a miracle......

I am woman

2008-08-03T00:18:00.000+08:00

If ever reincarnation is true and I am given the chance to pick a gender of which I'd be born as, I'd probably want to be born a woman all over again. Not that there is anything wrong with being born a man, or gay since if I'm looking for challenges in life, being born a Gay in one of the Arab countries would be it. Being born a gay in Malaysia is not too bad, as long as I stay out of politics. I have no problem being reborn other than a woman,nor am I attempting to be condescending towards beings, other than women, rather, it's just a matter of preference.

Wait, it's a tie between the Gays and the women in Arabs countries. Being born a woman in one of the Arab countries would, I reckon be as tough since I am being pampered to the point of taking my independence for granted now, to tolerate female oppression. I'd be hanged the moment I learn how to think. Besides, I think being banned from driving like what is imposed onto Arab women in Arab Saudi,right now would cramp my lifestyle since I take a fancy in driving like Schumacker, only in a less fancy National car (not that I'm THAT patriotic). Jeez..why do they do that to their women, the bearers of their legacy. They're women, not invalids.

On the other hand, if I want to look for stress free and pampered life, it is not so bad to be born as a dog in some Western country, but I prefer scratching my ass with the fingernails of my hands rather than those of my foot.

Yes! I want to be reborn as a woman..."Why?" you ask me. Why not. Women are soft yet strong and resilient, smarter than men albeit to survive, we let men think otherwise. You can't blame men really. They have two "heads" to distribute their brains into. Imagine how tough is that!! You don't agree with me, check out the history of the fall of most empires. The truth will lead you to the real instigator of of war,men needing more power, more money, more land..and that would ultimately be..for more women. Romans for example. Caesar then Mark Antony were AWOL, busy conquering Cleopatra, ruling Rome from Egypt. I guess the concept of "work from home" may have evolved from these two prominent leaders. Hail Cleopatra!!

We women have only one head and that itself is tough to handle, not only by ourselves but especially men. They can't even read what's going on in one head, imagine if we have two!! It's detrimental to the mental health of men!! Being fickle minded is not an option, as women need to focus in order to divide the interest between working to earn a living, taking care of family and shopping for all the excuses to going shopping.

Ergo, wanting to be born a woman is a deduction to a choice by exclusion actually. But if you ask me for the actual reason why I prefer to be born a woman, I'd say that I enjoy the nature of a woman to nurture and love.

I want to be able to relive the experience, the joy of delivering a human being into this world,( well, not exactly from the moment of it's parturation,. My memory of child bearing comprises of interwoven flashes of pain,sometimes anger and expletives to the father for getting away with just donating the sperm, but that is another story,followed by post natal blues. Hey, you try pushing a whole watermelon through your ass. If you don't get post defecation blues, you may as well indulge in sodomy ).

To experience that moment when it dawned to me, after that point of my life, nothing else could matter more than that little being with little fingers, nose, mouth,.such a small being that could bring such huge joy to the life of it's parents. But after that, yes, after that, to watch it grow gradually into a however it is you mould it to become. There is no other joy that could replace the joy of bringing up a child into this world. It's the only thing that make sense in this world that doesn't. Well, that and love, and oh..sex...

I want to enjoy each emotion without inhibitions, to be able to cry at the time I feel the moment's joy, or when sadness envelopes me, that only a woman can get away with. I want to be able to appreciate and embrace the joy of just being happy for no apparent reason, right after going through my premenstrual stress. Although, I must say that I haven't gone into menopause just yet, perhaps then I'd have a different outlook in life and change my mind about being reborn a woman.

Sure most men could have sex without having any emotions attached to the act, less likely to get hurt, unlike most women. Maybe that is why it's the women that God had granted the ability to have multiple orgasms, kind of like a reward of sort?

We are so different, men and women,yet sometimes we are the same. Hitherto, I cannot decipher why people compare men and women on the same turf. It's like comparing Coffee and creamer.We are two different beings, design not to compete with one another, rather complement each other.

Yes, without a doubt, (until a new set of hormones governs) I want to be reborn a woman, if ever reincarnation is true, and if we are blessed with choices.

That's All I Ask Of You....

2008-05-27T16:11:00.001+08:00

I hope you have a good listen to lyrics if not for the melody of this number from "The Phantom Of The Opera", otherwise, whatever I am about to write next would not carry any meaning to you.

It started with a question, "why are you so fussy about choosing a man to be your partner in life?" , posted to me by my long time friend who is worried that nearly 9 years after the death of my husband, I have not had a single decent relationship with any man, let alone re-marry.

I wonder if it was ever that easy to get a man you can get along with, let alone love, and miraculously, end up being married to the same guy. I found it difficult the first time around, and sadly, it gets more difficult the second time. Why? Simply because, over the years, I grew what romance dread as "basic common sense", and we all know that Oscar Wilde is right when he said, "Thinking kills romance".

That and the fact that,at this age, I am done looking for romance. Of course I enjoy the heat rush, the palpitations when our eyes lock, yadaaa yadaa..blah blah blah..(you can get the elaboration of "yadaa blah blah blah" in any lovey dovey romantic paperback or Romantic Comedy Movies)..but after sometime, it gets tiring and you know you long for the real thing. Now THAT'S when people run into trouble...when they crave for "the real thing".

Truth be told, the more older I get, the more annoying I find men. Not that I find women less annoying, especially the part where they would play "the game" and climb on top of each others' heads just to get the same man (and they keep saying women are smarter or even equal to men!!!)

I am 40plus and have had good relationships as well as bad ones. I do not regret any single one of them, because, good or bad, I learn something and become wiser, if not stronger at mind and heart. I realize something though. If you're looking for spending the rest of your life with a man in a bond called marriage, you don't have to go look for him. He will come to you in sweet serendipity, if destiny plans it that way. Trust me on this one.

But of course, if you have the energy for a roller coaster love ride, why not. After all, it can get a bit boring and lonely just sitting down and waiting for Mr Right For Each Other to walk into your life.

Back to "That's All I Ask Of You", the song is my conclusion of what I (and I'm sure most of us) look for in a relationship that may last as long as it lasts...I told a friend once that this will be my wedding song, if ever I am blessed with another chance. "It's suicidal", that's what she told me the song sounded like.

Ah well, marriage can sometimes be suicidal anyway. You just never know.

"Say you love me,
Every waking moment,
Turn my head with talk of summertime
Say you'll share with me
One love,
One life time,
Everywhere you go I will go too..
Love me,
That's all I ask of you"

Oh, since we're at it, here's a couple of things I'm asking from the Mr Right For Each Other,besides "love me", and I'm sure my sentiments are shared by many :
YOU are NOT;
- a philanderer
- out of job
- workaholic
- alcoholic
- politician
- commitment phobic
- mommy's son

and I'll think of something else as we go along.....

I wanna be a stupid girl....

2008-05-01T18:24:00.000+08:00

Listening to Pink's song, "I don't want to be a stupid girl", it just hit me how much fun stupid girls actually have. I can't say I'm all that intelligent, but I definitely am not stupid. In Malaysia, if you are a Malay woman with authentic way of thinking that just so happen not to tally with the norm, you'll either find yourself with dates that you just want to run out of even before they serve the main course, or totally without one.

It's to do with our local guys. They love women who are less intelligent than them. Most cannot handle a smart woman, unless she is smart enough to pretend to be stupid(oh yes, pretending to be a dumbo gets you laid, if you are looking for that sort of arrangement that is), but trust me, that kind of relationship will not last long. It's a bit too tiring to pretend to be stupid almost all the time.

Let me get something straight. I have nothing against women who lack intelligence. In fact, I envy them. Perhaps, they are more happier in some sense. Ignorance can be bliss. I'm not regretting to not be a stupid girl either. It's just that, I wish there are more intelligent men around. Now I'm being condescending to the male species. Nope, not going anywhere to being condescending, rather, just stating the obvious. Women don't really mind having a slightly less intelligent men in their lives, it's just that, it doesn't work vice versa. It's to do with men's nature of wanting to be great all the time. Men are Narcissists, period. Women on the other hand, are looking for companion, not competition. (unless they're bitches). I can hear myself not making sense. Or am I?

It'll be a worse case scenario if the smart woman happen to have contracted a verbal diarrhea, oh yes, the ultimate endorsement to repelling most men, just as effective as Sheltox would be to a mosquito. There are of course a few exceptions, but trust me, these men are taken even before they graduate from the university, if they do go to the university. You don't have to go to the university to become intelligent, just to get things straight. In fact, Malaysian Universities are places where people go to have their cheery personality die. You either become a zombie by graduation time, or you just are not allowed to graduate because you are not dull enough.

Back to the topic, one of the reasons why most women in Malaysia, who are intelligent and self sufficient, ended up single, is that do not make men feel that they are wearing their underwear over their pants, like most Super Heroes. Single, by the way, is not an expletive. It only becomes one when society starts making it as such. I hate that glance I get upon purchasing a movie ticket for one person and the smart mouth at the counter will ask you, with that tone and that look, "One only?". Normally, my standard answer would be, "No, I'm bringing my imaginary hot hunk but you guys don't charge for imagination do you?", which by the way would be reciprocated with this weird expression that shows either they're too tired to have a sense of humour, or they just don't get my dry humour. Hey, I am at the near age of menopausing, all my jokes are getting drier, even KY jelly can't aid.

I want to be a stupid girl. A stupid girl have no problems getting dates. Even better if they are bisexual, they will never run out of dates. Men love them (Not referring to the bisexuals by the way.I'm done talking about them). They're more fun to be with, no fuss, no need for men to think hard. Especially Malay men, because I suspect that stupid women give cunning Malay men to have an excuse for to marry more than one. Smart intelligent women will figure out cunning ways to cover their tracks after they've castrated these philandering men, and men know that.

I had an experiment done once actually. I went out on a date and suppressed my 2cents thoughts. I look good with my mouth shut, that I have to say. Very vogue and poised. I had just enough make up not to look like a slut, that helped I guess. I waited until the 5th date when I started showing my true self. I was surprised that it lasted a couple more dates after he found out what I do for a living and before we call it quits. I guess he was very polite. God it was tiring for me to suppress my thoughts and my verbal diarrhea, but he was a hunk , and a sweet one too and that was one experiment I did not mind partaking. But gosh...the amount of effort it took me...

It's true I suppose, that men feels insecure and intimidated when they date smarter women. Not all men, just most of them. ...So ladies, if you feel like you sad and lonely and feel like dating someone, try the "oh gawd, I 've dropped maaah handkerchief" stunt, then try to have a brain constipation for as long as you want the date to last. It works most of the time....

To romance or to Love Actually, is the question.....

2008-04-13T19:58:00.000+08:00

A friend of mine asked me how do I know who is the right guy to marry, how I ended up marrying my husband. He is 40plus, never been married, (he may as well be gay) nor have a relationship that lasted more than 2 years..a toxic bachelor I believe is the general term.

Welcome to my world. I save lives. That's me. I save lives at work.(issuing MCs is kind of saving someone's life - the boss may kill him if he fails to make the deadline without being dead) I save the lives of toxic bachelors and bachelorettes after work. I wonder sometimes, with all the busy schedule, who's going to save mine?

I looked at him and ask him a simple question. " What are you looking for in life ?".
"What do you mean" was the answer, of which I expected. After all, the reason why the world is so screwed up today is because people do not know what they are looking for. I mean, look at George Bush Jr. He thought he knew what he was looking for in Iraq, and look how he's search hobby ended up.

"What are you looking for? Which part of the English you don't comprehend?". My sarcasms are what binds us together in this long platonic friendship. "I don't know...a smart girl who's good looking, and just nice boobs...", at which point I interrupted him,"Vokkkey...I got the picture. What is it about men and boobs anyway? It's no wonder Breast Surgeons drive posh cars and I have problems getting dates...".

I won't bother going into the next 15minutes of our conversation, most of it involved Dolly Parton's assets and my conspiracy theory that my father in law, who I truly adore, died not because of a massive heart attack, but suffocated in the arms of my mom in law's massive....oh..excuse me..I just got carried away, sorry.

Anyway, back to the topic of narration, I ask him,"Are you looking for love and romance, or are you looking for true love to live forever with?" He looked at me like I had just regenerated my hymen and said," Well all of it of course."

I returned him the same look, (we both know he had broken his virginity more frequent than the turnover of a cancer cells. It's amazing how some people can get away with philandering,unlike what they taught us in religious and medical school, I'm beginning to think that there is no god.) , and answered , "It's no wonder you are a toxic bachelor. You live in Bollywood."

The reason love stories exist is because they are surreal and hardly happen to anyone in the real life. So rare that they make it into movies. With such thirst for romance and true love to happen all at once, that is why Love Movies turn out to be Blockbusters. 'That is why, incidentally the movies a made in the first place. Should romance that ended up with a happy ever after, is a common phenomenon, then nobody would want to pay for seats and pop corns to go watch it, just stare out the window into the neighbour's house and watch romance and marriage happening simultaneously.

Come on!! I'm 40plus, formerly married, and I've never experience scenarios like turning my head around and bump into this gorgeous hunk and have the breeze blow through my hair at the exact moment our eyes locked. My hubby and I locked our eyes when I caught him cheating over a monopoly game we all played together at a gathering. The first time I set my eyes on him upon introduction by friends, my first impression was,"Yukh!!.Not my type!!".

Back to this romantic encounter,here's some reality check. I'd probably bump into this gorgeous guy and I'd be looking at him, while he would be busy checking whether his worked out muscles are well toned against the t shirt he was wearing, to even notice me. Even if our eyes locked, he'd probably look away immediately because he'd recognized that I was the doctor who had treated his Clamydia that he had gotten from some wild one night stand with a girl he picked up from Bangsar.(trust me, it had happened before. My love life is ruined because I am a doctor). These my dear friends, are stories of reality. I know. It bites.

So back to my poor toxic bachelor friend, I told him a few simple thing. What is he looking in a relationship? Is he looking for romance? Or is he looking for a lifetime partner?
If he's looking for romance, than,this is the easiest thing to do. Just go on out there as good as blindfolded, and fall in love with love. Get married, then divorce a couple of years down the line. I'm not being a pessimist. Go check the statistics of the rate of divorce hitherto. It's enough to make cupids opt for an early retirement.

But if you're looking for a soul mate, then start looking into her soul, and try to forget her boobs,at least for a while. He or she may not be as good looking as you painted in your imagination, the section in the brain that got you into this trouble in the first place.

I'm not being condescending to the good looking people out there. It'll be great if you could find someone who you like as a person and coincidentally, is good looking. Looks is not important by the way. It's just bonus. I don't know about you, but I've dated good looking guys and wonder, "is that all? come on...there must be something to back up that good looks. My heart can't pump this fast too long. I need something else to sustain this pace"

For me, I'm not looking for perfection. That's because nobody's perfect. I am looking for someone who is perfectly imperfect but perfect for each other. That was how I married my late husband. I saw his soul and he saw mine. Coincidentally, the sex was good too. So I guess, should he be alive today, I'd probably still have lots of fights with him, but it's only because we love each other very much.

One more thing. The trouble with us is we think we could choose who we love. Love is just love. We can love just about anyone. But when longevity is concern, can we imagine life without that love? That, should be a good start to finding our soul mates.

You must know yourself in order to know what you want in life. If you are looking for a soul mate to settle down with, then start with looking into her soul. Otherwise, ah well, there are plenty of people out there to have romances reinvented over and over, until the right one comes along.

Dating A Recycled Man

2008-04-12T15:08:00.000+08:00

Many people say that unless you have the energy for a relationship roller coaster, gamble and not know what will come out of it, feel free to get involve with a "recycled man". Okay, I'm not trying to be a feminist here. The reason why I am not addressing a "recycled woman", (there is a recycled man, ergo there will inevitably be a recycled woman, unless we are talking about paranormal relationships, of which I am not.), is simply because I have never dated one.

So who is this man branded as "recycled", you may wonder? Well, it's a term that has been going on longer than the time I first lost my virginity, and that was looooong time ago..He's a man who have had failed relationships, got hurt over and over,ergo, termed recycled. I know. We are all damaged and recycled goods, but hey, I'm just recycling the term that is already in the market.

Like I've said before, we're all recycled and damaged goods. It's just how we handle broken relationships that will differ us from becoming a heart breaker, or a person who picks himself up, shake off the blues and get back in the quest of searching for our soul mates.

We don't need soul mates you argue with me. Well, sorry honey, we do. We're humans and we are designed that way. If you don't think so, then you're still in denial. Anyway, most of us function very well in society, some even hold top posts yet, we walk around feeling powerful because we are in control of many people's lives, yet we can't seem to get a hold on ours. Some of us walk around looking with deceptive aura of supremacy that we carry along as we walk past the corridor of our offices, feeling hollow. Of course that is but another story.

It is okay if you are lucky enough to have that recycled man learn something out of the previous broken relationships. But we all know that most men grow old, they hardly grow up. So you'd be lucky if you are involved in one who is matured.

I've gotten involved with such a person. A recycled man. It was hard (in a non harlot aspect of it), because it gives the term "fly kites" a new meaning. It's like with him, I was pulling and tugging one minute, then I could sense that I have to loosen the grip on the string in order to let him fly away just a little bit, before the whole process of tugging is repeated.

You can see him struggling with his emotions. He gets uncomfortable with feeling comfortable with you. It's like it is his mission to not get close to anyone. If I observe close enough, he reminded me of Smeagol from The Lord of The Ring, strugging between two personalities, one let himself go to his emotions and learn to love again, the other, opposing this very idea. Lucky thing he did not look like Smeagol, otherwise the involvement would have never even started. Or perhaps it was actually unlucky.

Actually, on second thoughts, no relationships be it bad or good is unlucky because you will learn something when it is over. That would make you more experienced and help you choose better in the next relationships (well, until you find the right on of course to spend the rest of your life with.). Even if you don't know what you're looking for, you'd definitely know by now what you ARE NOT looking for, so it kind of narrows the search spectrum, until one day, you will find yourself not looking at all because the spectrum had gotten so narrow and you have become so choosy that there is no one left to date...heh..heh...Kind of like what I'm going through right now. It's a nice feeling actually. I'd rather be alone rather than living in a lie, or simulated "happiness" when you get in a relationship for the heck of it. It's all or none law for me, yessirreee...

He is a divorcee. Now, there is a difference between dating a divorcee and dating a widow. The later will make you find yourself in constant competition with the late spouse. She'd be the most kind human being on earth when she is dead, even though she use to be the wife from hell when she was alive. Her death would automatically turn her into this angel in his mind. A divorce may think that you are his ex every time both of you get into a fight. Either way, you are seen as somebody else, other than yourself.

Truth be told, a recycled man is like this unstable atom that had been discharged and on it's way to looking for that next proton or electron to stabilize himself again. In the process of stabilizing, you may get repelled or worse, used and then chucked aside like that last rag you put outside your toilet door, yes, the one you wipe your feet as you are on the way out of the loo. Nothing wrong with that if you're in it for the ride actually. But if you're not, then you'd get hurt. Just like I did.

When should you date a recycled man? When he's out of that commitment phobic phase and had realized that everything in life ends, sooner or later. It's just too bad that it ended up sooner for them. But life has to go on and he will heal, albeit how he heeled depends on how he wants to do so, or whether he wants to heel at all. If he had decided to be wreckless about relationships, then any woman he encounters and decided to get close on the way to his personal healing, may suffer, should, may I reiterate, the woman is looking for the real thing, not just a fling. Otherwise, than I guess it's okay.

Nobody wants to be be a widow or a divorcee or to be alone. But we all know that there are certain things in life that one cannot fully control, even for a control freak for that matter. That is when you know God exists. But we are granted the gift of choice. We can make choices to either hurt people or just don't, when we take a step into the journey of recovering our lives. I believe in Karma. Also known as Qada' and Qadar. Just like how things will end, sooner or later, what goes around will come around, sooner or later......

To all the recycled men and women out there, it is okay to hurt and get back into the game if you still have the energy. We're only human and there is this journey in life we and only we alone will have to take. It's called destiny. Hurting is part of the process. That's when we grow and learn. But try not to hurt others while on your own journey towards recovery...... Because Karma lurks out in one of those corners. Do not underestimate the power of good communication.. Only with effective, honest communications, one may spare the other, the hurtful feelings. Because via communication and honesty, one can understand why the other have to end things.....Like I said before, things end. It's how you handle it that will make the difference...

Women Rule!!! Men just don't know it..

2008-04-03T19:00:00.000+08:00

Notice how, in a relationship, or in a marriage, women get away with getting away with what they want? Women almost always get their way, at the end of any argument long as it is with a man . It's just a matter of time, or whether the male counterpart realizes it or not, or how long it takes for him to realize it. The sooner the better. That is why the male have a so called feminine side of them. It is a backup excuse in case they can't win a fight. Women will just say, "get in touch with your feminine side" to salvage a male's ego, and the male would take it as a gentle passage out of an argument. Frankly, who wants men to be in touch with their feminine side. The reason why women fancy men is because they are not feminine. Otherwise, we may as well be a lesbians, if we're looking for feminity, and it'll be one "head" less to worry about malfunctioning or misbehaving.

Trust me. Anyone who is and had been married to any woman would know that it is crucial to keep her happy. An unhappy woman has nothing to loose. A person with nothing to loose is a dangerous person. So can you imagine how dangerous an unhappy woman can be?

We almost always get our way. Men think they rule. That is because we women allow them to think that way. We have got the art of making men feel they won the battle, while we silently gleam at our actual victory. What can I say, it is but an art. That is why I guess gay marriages are called "gay". Both partners are happy because none of them are female and not much arguments involved in ascertaining who wears the pants in the house ( because both do, unless well, when they don't ). In straight marriages, men wears the pants but we women have the talent to determine the type and color of pants worn, or in some cases, on what day should each pants be worn. Women are cunning creatures and want their way most of the time. That is why I will never be in a lesbian relationship.

My daughter got this from god knows where, "The men are the head of the household. Women are the neck, we determine which direction the head points towards". It's one of the best kept secret of longevity of marriage. The women makes the men think that they are in charge. As long as men think that, then women can rule insidiously in peace. Otherwise, the marriage will just feel long.

Absolutely No Sex And the City

2008-02-26T17:45:00.000+08:00

Some of us women have our moments when sex seem as distasteful as having a pap smear done. Your body is tired from the office work followed by the house work the moment you enter home. The last thing you have on your mind would be working overtime in bed. Ran out of excuses?

It's the millenium for god's sakes, be a little creative. Men nor women no longer buy the "sorry dear, I have a headache" excuse because you may get an aspirin shoved into your throat and still have to oblige as soon as the aspirin, according to the drug prescription pamphlet, kicks off to work. Here's some creative ideas for excuses:

1. "I went to the doctor today for this vaginal discharge problem I've been having and it's itchy. Doctor had given me vaginal tablets for insertion and she told me not to have sex for one week, at least."

2. Just as you sense that your partner is about to get horny, start a topic beginning with, "My mom called just now.....", then create something that you know will cause him transient impotence, like your mom is planning to stay over longer this time around.

3. Just as you sense that your partner is about to get horny, inform him that he's got a letter from income tax department.

4. Or if you reaaaaally don't feel like having sex for a long time, just tell him,"I went to the doctor this morning. Apparently my menses turned out to be a threatened abortion and we should practice abstinence for at least 2-3 weeks."

5. "I have this mastication muscle spasm and I can't seem to control the clenching of my teeth when I'm excited. Doctor gave me muscle relaxant, and it's going to knock me out apparently. It's still risky for you even if I don't take the medication. We don't want both of us ending up in the Acute and Emergency Department do we? "

There may be some truth in the saying,

"A newly wed woman is an artist at home, an economist in kitchen, and a devil in bed. After some time, they become a devil at home, an artist in the kitchen and an economist in bed."

No Sex? and the City

2008-02-16T00:58:00.000+08:00

I just don't get it. What's the big hoo haa just talking about sex? You don't need licence for that do you? You definitely cannot get pregnant just talking about it? (Unless you're a member of PAS and actually believe that immaculate pregnancy can occur just by queing up together, men and women). Not talking about it is not going to decrease its practice, legal or illegally. It's human nature to want to do something that is prohibited unto them. It instigates curiosity of whether they can get away with it. No? Well, then, perhaps it's just me then. But hey, I'm one happy woman.

Sex, whether it is talked about openly or behind doors, will continue to play an important role in human lives. It is a known fact that prostitution is one of the oldest job since the beginning of mankind. Sorry, I rephrase that. I don't think Adam had any other women around to start any philandering activities, nor was he likely to do so. (but then again there was that incident with Eve that got them into trouble and out unto earth...). Perhaps it is more appropriate to say, that it is the oldest occupation since the beginning of civilization.

What's the oldest job you ask me? Politicians of course. Why do you think this world is so screwed up? They were here on Day One, well, almost. Come to think of it, corrupted politicians and prostitutes have one thing in common- they screw people for money, but that is another story. (one that would lead me into ISA if I go on about it)

Back to talking about sex ( yes, I know you like it when I talk dirty...), people find it uncomfortable to talk freely regarding sex, especially men, when they cannot rise to the occasion, for example. It's funny because, that is the exact time when they should be talking about it because keeping quiet is not going to get them anywhere.I'm sure men don't find it funny, try having a gun that wouldn't unload when you desperately need to.

So what, if your gadget of fertility could not perform, one maybe four times in a row. It's normal for a man to experience impotence at least once in his life time. It's a transient matter, of which it's longevity ( I'm talking in reference of time here..not the gadget) depends upon when the unfortunate man with the temporarily out of service love machine, decides to come clean with the problem and finally solve it. Finally, if all else fails, there's always the viagra. For those of you who still think I am talking about Lang Lang's piano performance on the Rachmaninov's piece, or Paladin in "Have gun will travel", helloooo!! Wake up!! You can't be that naive!!

I once had this conversation with my colleage and somehow, we ended up talking about .....syyyy.......sex. She commented something that left me ....I can't think of a term to describe my sentiment at the time, but I remember my mouth was agap, long enough for a spider to knit a web unto it. From what I gathered from her comment, she had sex with her husband only in one position, husband on top, anything else would be making her feel like a nymphomaniac. Then again, you can't blame her, she was born a malay and most malay women are brought up to let their men stay on top.

Hello!! If God had intended sex to be performed only via one position, why on earth create human's joints to accomodate flexibility??!! It's no wonder why most married malay men, ended up marrying at least another one, if they can't fill up the quota of four!! (trust me, it's every men's secret dream to have a harem of women, legally or illegally. They won't tell you that of course). These men were probably insiduosly looking for sexual satisfaction, which obviously one position cannot provide!! And since it is wrong in Islam to "testdrive" in bed, what the heck, they'll just legalize it by marrying other women. There you go, the reason behind the popular sunnah unveiled.

I know marriage is not all about sex. It's something like money. Money isn't everything, but it does help improve bargaining position...Trust me, if men or less likely women do not get a reasonably satisfying sex, they still will manage to keep a good marriage, by fucking some other woman on the side, quietly. You're not a philanderer until you get caught with your panties down, unless you are not the type to wear panties. Women however, can be amazingly loyal to their spouse. Some even have never experienced how an orgasm felt like, yet, they were fine about it. Well, you won't know what you're missing until you know.

You think that was shocking? Well, let me tell you another story. It's so shocking, this time my jaw instantly gave up it's fight with gravity, and I was never the same after that. The couple had been married for nearly 8 years now and they still haven't had sex!!! The reason how I found out was because she told me she could not do a pap smear.

I remember when she first ask me for help, I was so shocked, I remember uttering,"if you need me to give you advice on how to give someone the blowjob of a lifetime, I may be able to help you, but this, for the first time in my life, I am speechless". I was, in all honesty. But I did try to help by arranging for them, professional counselling. I am still hitherto, waiting for that call from my friend who will someday say what may seem like magic words to me, "Help me. We had this rough sex and now I have a condom stuck in my vagina and it would'nt come out"...anything as ridiculous, so long as I know their problem is regarding sex, not deprivation of it..Otherwise, should the therapy fail, she should just quietly go ahead with the pap smear, and at least would not suffer future embarassment of claiming to be a virgin after 8 years of marriage. It is however, a little sad, when she reflects back at her life only to remember how that cold vaginal speculum, of the smallest size, had broke her virginity.

I can't really laugh at her situation, however, because I use to be the joke of the campus, you know, when people are laughing at you, not with you? At then, 23years of age, I was a product of "hush hush sex", and by that , I do not mean I am an illegitimate child of sort, rather, just ignorant about sex altogether. That ignorance was hardly bliss. I remember Iwas reading this book and I sighed, saying,"I have to read this in and out". My then, boy friend, smiled wickedly and started teasing me," in and out, in and out". I looked at him disgusted, and said," In Islam, you can only penetrate once. Then you have to mandi junub." (I realized later, you are suppose to only have sex once, and have to bathe before restarting another session...not my fault the ustazah sounded ambigous back then). I had the cheek to argue about the matter, because I hate loosing any argument.

He in turn looked at me as if i was from Kingdom Far Far Away, and did not say anything for good 10seconds, then with that expression that cannot describe, but remember until today replied back, "Do you know that the penis have to go in and out of a vagina before achieving orgasm?". He then explained to me how sex is performed, and I sat there beside him in the library ( how boring can my life be) and finally learned from my boyfriend, how people actually have sex. And to add insult to injury, he rest his case by saying smugly and cheekily, "Celup sekali je, tak jadi apa, jadi tapai je laaaa"..It's not what he had said, rather the way he said it made me blush everytime I recall it.

I can imagine therefore, young girls who are naive yet desperately want to oblige their boy friends, ended up getting pregnant.

Sex is just a natural human need. How we handle it is totally up to us. There is nothing dirty about it, unless it is forced unto an unwilling partner, or err..sheep for example. We human need sex to regulate our hormones and hence become healthier. You know when your boss is being bitchy in the office because she was not getting any the night before, if you catch my drift. It's a mood elevator as well, works better than prozac I dare say. Tell me how much calories one burns sex-ercising?

I am not going to touch the religious aspect of it, you leave it up to the ulamaks, you'll never be able to experience a fellatio without having an image of you burning in hell just before orgasm. But apart from that, I think sex should practice in a healthy manner, medically and ethically. Talking about it certainly helps increasing our knowlege and the practice of sex itself. Look what I've learned since my "one dip orgasm theory" !!

Happy Valentine's Day??

2008-02-13T14:22:00.000+08:00

Damn! It's that time of the year again...It's Valentine's Day. Rats!! It's a fantastic time for those who have someone to flaunt their affection with. But for a singleton like me...hmmm...it's a day that nudges me in the ribs to say smugly, "you are alone still, while the rest of the world is celebrating.". Well, I am celibating, if you can just ignore the absence of the letter "r" and stop poking me with the fact that I am without the love of my life?!!

Come to think of it, Valentine's Day become suddenly meaningful to me, not because it's meaningful per se, rather because it didn't use to be special, when I was with someone and the same day turn out to be annoyingly significant when I am single again. In fact, we, my hubby and me, never bothered acknowleging Valentine's Day as we could not really work out what it means. I mean, when you're in love, everyday is valentine's day. You don't need to have one day you declare to be special and go all out to get roses that will cost three fold its normal price just to prove your love.

It was one of those ordinary day, when my hubby came up to me one and presented me with what he claimed to be "the most unique flower on earth that no one could ever thought of presenting to their loved ones". I was overjoyed with his words (then again he could describe hell in such a manner that it made me look forward to go to hell...no, he was not a diplomat), adoringly sniffed the bunga kantan wrapped in beautiful wrapping paper and gave him one of that kiss that was potentially lethal and contradicting family planning.

Valentine's Day is like a day to more like reiterate rather than remind the singletons that they are singletons. I am reminded everytime I turn on the TV or radio. It makes you want to find that cupid and slap it stupid.

It's a day when it means nothing until it means something. It's like playing tennis, you always have something to complain about your tennis mate, until you end up playing with the wall. Dang!!

Ah well. Happy Valentine's Day to the people who are lucky enough to qualify to celebrate it. And for those of you singletons out there, remember how Valentine's Day use to not mean anything when you had that special someone. That will at least get you through tomorrow. But for those of you, who are singleton, and Valentine's Day use to mean everything....oh, stop whining and grow up!! Otherwise, get drunk or sedated. It's only until tomorrow when the whole world will shut up about it...Thank God Valentine's Day is not like fasting month, and that it's just one day.......

So how now?

2008-02-12T13:31:00.000+08:00

Okay. I do not date married men, full stop. (for God's and our sakes, please read the article prior to this if you need to decipher what I'm about to babble about). Now that I've proven that I have some portion of principals, when it comes to relationships, where does that leave me? What do people like me do now? I can imagine how Patrick Teoh in his blog "Niamah" would put it, "So, how now?"

I'm in my forties, and most men my age group are married. It doesn't help that there is a shortage of men in Malaysia. Why I say there is a shortage of men, is because, statistics show that there are more women than men of my age or anywhere 5 years plus minus. To make matters worse, probably a quarter of this extincting males species are gays. Just what we women need. Gender confused homo sapiens... And by gay I don't mean "happy", please keep up with the time people. The rest are either ;
A) happily married
B) not so happily married and looking for escapism and blame it on the hormones then call it a midlife crisis,
C) married but desperately wanting to be single again but don't have the balls to do anything about it or even if they do have the balls, cannot afford a divorce,
D) unmarried but have "internal problems" hindering them from sustaining any relationship,
E)unmarried but have "external problems" hindering them from sustaining any relationship...
F) unmarried and they are the problem

My, my. The list seem to go on, it's no wonder there are women who take matters into their own hands (well, women have long benefited from the women's liberation movements and are learning to DIY, just like men, and of course, it is the age of technology you know....) or just settle by way of nature, and become lesbians. It is known that nature has it's ways of "sorting things out" as evidenced by some fish species that are capable of changing gender when situations require them to do so. They give "go fuck yourself" a more meaningful term I guess.

How do I go about this matter? Well, I settled it by being truely muhibbah and open minded. I started dating men younger than me regardless of race or beliefs, I do not really fancy dating too old a man, even if they are sinfully rich, because, I know this sounds unfair, but I would like to marry someone someday who I do not have to get up in the middle of the night, wondering whether had he stopped snoring because medical science had cured him, or whether he had passed on. At least with younger men, my only worry is not sleeping with a corpse without even realising it, but instead, the sleepwalking some men do to the maid's room. Besides, it's a bit risky when you get involved with old men taking viagra. You may not be able to differentiate between a scream of pleasure, or a scream for help from a cardiac arrest!!

Well, at least that was what I used to do, dated men. Nowadays, I've grown jaded of the dating scene and have decided to just let destiny try fiddle it's fingers on my life. See where this leads me. Why I am jaded, well, stay tuned to my writings. You'd probably learn something out of my experience, I hope.

It is true what they say about love. The miracle of love is to love and be loved in returned. It happened to me once, who knows, true love may find me the second time around. All I've got to do in the meantime,is to fiddle my G-spot occasionally, just to remind me it's still functioning and to keep the motor running just in case, sometime in the future, I may need to reactivate it. I hope I won't grow tired of technology, just like Justin Timberlake in his song.. I may be transiently out of the dating scene, and sleeping soundly without a hubby snoring into my brains, but I am strangely, contented. I am alone again, naturally. But for now, I'm not hopeless, just hopeful.......

I am damsel in distress, but please don't save me...

2008-01-19T15:51:00.000+08:00

Ask me. Go ahead. "Who are the easiest men to get in KL?". At spinal level, most singleton like me would answer,"the married men". Honestly, I just don't get it. What is it about unavailable men and single women? Wait, let me rephrase that, "unavailable men and women, single or not.".

Greed? Escapism? Horny? Men are horny most of the time. That cannot be just it. They are so horny, their dicks are called ''the other head", because after some time, "the other head" will take over "the actual head" in decision making. When the other head over rules the actual head, there will be headaches for everyone else around him. No? Explain Anna Nicole Smith to me. See. I rest my case .

I learn that being a widow, there are many men, but especially unavailable malay men, who felt obliged to come save me. Save me from what, I still cannot figure that one out, considering my pay is double,probably tripple theirs. If not, I am self sufficient. I need empathy, not charity, thank you. Save me from opportunistic men? Well, then stop calling me after 10pm then. Save me from thieves in the middle of the night? I've got my alarm system set up, thank you. If saving me means making me the second or third wife,or mistress, again, thank you but I'd rather be alone, than at a threat of a raging 1st wife. Now that is dangerous and need saving from.

I just don't get women who get involve with married men. What are they thinking? Or perhaps it is the contrary, that they are not thinking. What do you stand or hope to achieve? That he's going to leave his wife for you because after 20 years, and after meeting you, he suddenly wake up one fine morning, with his wife still beside him in bed, and realizes that you are the one for him and that his wife is not. Then how do you explain the 4 kids he is sharing with the wife? Are they mistakes too?

What makes you so sure that he won't turn a fickle mind on you, 20 years after he left his first wife, and married you and find another woman who he finally think is his actual soul mate, most likely 10 to 20years younger than you? He did it once, he can always change his mind again. After all, it's just his mind. If it is really soul mates these men are searching for, how come they hardly, by statistics, found it in older women with boobs that had given up the long time battle with gravity?

Relationships, that go the distance, comprises of pillars such as trust, respect, love, understanding. How can one build a relationship when the first grounds laid is flaky. Trust. How can a woman trust a man who have had the history of cheating on his wife, with you? You know he cannot be trusted. You will always, at the back of your mind know, even you you do not show it, that he cannot be trusted.

Of course there are unavailable men out there who prey on vulnarable women, not revealing their marital status until the woman is way in too deep into the emotional aspect of the relationship. Still, ask yourselves, was that love based on something pure, or lies? The next step is more difficult to do and that would be overcoming yourself to do the most decent thing any woman could do, when she finds out the man had lied to her, no matter what bull shit excuse he gave her, and that is to walk out of the whole thing before more destruction is done.

I was married once upon a time. My late hubby experience some midlife crisis and had an affair with another woman. I had my suspicion but it was only after he died, when I went through his possessions, that I found the evidence. My only regret at the time, was, he died from a tragic accident earlier, and I was deprived of the opportunity to strangle him with my own bare hands..But during the time we were squabling about "the other woman", he told me straight on my face, "no matter what happens, I love you and I will never leave you". It's not even a matter of believing him, I knew he meant it.

Two things;

1. A man may be playing around for whatever reasons or excuses imaginable, but when they have to choose, will seldom leave their family for the other woman. Even more so for those who have to suffer financially, should there be a divorce. If they do, it just goes to prove he is unworthy and hardly a trophy to whoever it is that have "won" him.

2. I know exactly how painful it is to know that your husband is having an affair with another woman. I could still recall the chest tightness, the difficulty in breathing and the spinning of the world around me as the axis, when I first found out. I cannot inflict the same torture to any other woman. Perhaps that is where I got my empathy, and hitherto, despite being single again for quite some time, have made it a rule of thumb, not to even consider going out with a married man.

The first thing I'd ask a man when he asks me out on a date would be, "are you married". The standard answer so far has been, "yes, but errr.....". In my mind, the "err..." is not my problem and I shall not make it my problem. Settle your "err" and come back see me say 4 years after you've gotten over your "err". Because, ladies, "err" of a married man is as good as "no praabbllleeem" of some of the Indians in India. It's a synonym to "yes, problems".

So ladies, listen to your mamas when they say, "you don't go and break people's marriage and get involve with a married man". Remember, mom knows best. Getting involved with married men is pointless, unless you're as desperate..

Alone again, naturally....

2008-01-17T05:01:00.000+08:00

I am a widow. I hated every minute of it. It's been 7years, 4months, 26days and 12hours since my late hubby passed away in a tragic accident. Or was it 22days? Then again, who's keeping track. I guess that is why they call it "tragic". It's tragic to the people involved in the accident, even more so tragic to the widows, orphans, families and friends they left behind, emotionally. As for the widow, it is quite an adaptation. One day you are someone's wife, the next day, you are a widow.

Looking back, I cannot decide which situation I hated most. The fact that I am suddenly left alone without my soul mate, or the fact that society made it harder on me to be comfortable being alone. I am talking in context of Malaysian scenario. I think it is easier to pick up the pieces and rebuild your life in the sense of getting another partner in life, if you are a Westerner, rather if you are an Asian, comparatively ,I think. And they say divorcees suffer society's ridicule even more so. Widow's gets more sympathy because "it is not their fault that they are seperated". Then again, I have trouble comprehending why divorce is anyone's fault.

You know what I hate most about being single again? You go to a kenduri and people start asking you the famous question," bila nak cari ganti"? (when are you remarrying again?). Everytime someone ask me that question, I cringe inside, and I always hope first and foremost, that she (normally it is the she rather than the he) does not have the capability of reading my mind, or reading my facial expression. Because if she could, she will get this answer," Oh, it is so easy to replace a husband nowadays. All you got to do is wreck someone's marriage, by becoming the, well, at least 2nd wife, or the much less hypocritical non muslim men, their mistress. Or perhaps just get married for the heck of getting married, and settle with loosers, or emotionally unstable recycled men(now, stay tuned for this topic sometime soon) , workaholics, commitment phobics, gay men looking for camourflage marriage, straight men who have sexual dysfunction or whatever it is that make them loose their self confidence, etc...etc.....". But to avoid being rude and wrecking the harmony of someone's party, the standard answer would be,"tak de jodoh lagi". ( No calling yet ).

Having survived and acquired to skill to handle "the question", I slowly realized, that being single again, isn't that bad after all. For starters, I no longer have to put up with that dreadful snore. I bet no one dare say this, but in actual truth, when you work at odd hours and is deprived of precious sleep, the sound of snore may trigger transient insanity so much so, there will be moments when you actually look at the source of that annoying sound, wondering where all that love had gone to, in the dim light, thinking, for just that brief moment, again thinking, will you be able to get away with smouldering a pillow over that source of intolerable decibel by pleading temporary insanity in the court of law.

After all, there was a case in Holland whereby a wife got away with murdering the husband based on transient insanity due to PMS ( that's pre menstrual stress for those who obviously do not suffer from the PMS to not have know what the abbreviation means, or suffer being around insufferable women who suffer the PMS).

Just when I was about to get into comfy zone with being single in society, then shit would normally happen. I will be reminded, that single women are seen by most married women as "weapon of mass destruction". I remember an incident at the club, whereby a lady was very taken in with my daughter and wants her daughter to spend more time together when they are at the club. She kept contacting me to make sure arrangements were made for these two girls to be in the same tennis classes etc.. ( Maybe she thought her daughter may be more like mine . Daaaaaahling...you only catch the flu, not people's contagious personalities and intelligence. That's what one acquires...). I remember her asking about my husband at some point of our brief encounter. It was when she learned that I am a widow, that her call stopped coming.

But what goes around comes around I guess. One fine day, I attended a function and walla, somehow, I ended up sitting beside , guess who? Not the lady with the no-personality-gene to pass down to her daughter, but , walla!! her husband!!! I took one look at him and wondered, in all honesty, what was the reason for her insecurities?? There is a God that night however. I came with a drop dead georgeous date. It really helped that my date was a male. Somehow rather, her phone calls returned. I decided to let it ring, simply because I had a very nice ring tone and I enjoyed listening to it, before dunking her when I changed to a new number.

What is it about not all, but many married women and their insecurities? I agree that there are some women out there who'd stop at nothing to get a husband. Some find it challenging to get someone else's. These women normally look for rich and successful men. After all, if you want to go through all that trouble wrecking up a marriage, might as well make it worthwhile right? Otherwise, it cannot be love, because love is not about demanding, it's about giving. You cannot destroy a marriage, and trust a man who leaves his wife for another women, because, you of all people will know, that he may repeat that habit when he's married to you. The distrust will always be at the back of your mind. What kind of a relationship is built on distrust? Think about it.

But not all single women do that. There are decent singletons who awaits for recycled men to come clean with their problems, and start a new relationship. Unfortunately, or fortunately, however you choose to see it, in Asean setting, marriage is considered to be sacred. It's good, in a way because both husband and wife will give their all in a marriage. But people change, and grow through time. It is the law of the universe, that nothing stays stagnant. It is the ability of a couple to adapt to these changes that will ascertain the longevity of a marriage/relationship, whether it will go the distance. This requires a lot of love, trust,loyalty,compromise, understanding and patience. And trust me, great sex is a big plus point too. Most importantly, all this could only happen if two people have made a decision and decide to stick to it.

I guess, that is what they mean by, "thru thick and thin"

My point? Well, if you are married, and have accomplished all that with your partner in life, why the insecurity? Even more so, why take that insecurities on others?

I read this somewhere. Marriage is a false sense of security. I have to agree. Two people in love, and lucky enough to be married, must not fall into the too secure mode because that is when they start taking each other for granted. I guess we must practice a little bit of insecurity and throw in a little bit of jealousy to keep the fire burning. But overdoing it is totally unnecessary. It could backfire and kill the love, trust and marriage.

Someone told me, that the secret to a good marriage, is good conversation. I agree totally, but in this millenium, we've got to start adding "good shags and quickies" to the list too. Hey, what did I tell you about human evolution? We need to keep up with times.

What happened to my date that night, you ask me? We are so compatible and would have been married instantly, had he not been a gay. He enjoys (notice the present tense?) the privilege of being my camouflage boyfriend. That is why gays are women's best friends. The sex part do not get in the way. Who say men and women cannot become best of friends?

Sometimes, when I sit and talk to people who face marital/relationship problems, I've come to realize, that, there are many married couple out there who actually wish that they are single again. Some have the courage to settle their problems. Some don't. Some, don't bother. Some can't even though they try. Whatever the reasons are, I sense that there are married people who envy my position of being single again.

At the end of the day, I discovered one thing. You do not need a partner/husband/wife to make you happy. Happiness comes from within. But if you do find that soul mate/companion that you can build a life together, for as long as it takes, then that is a bonus in life. And all you need to do next is to take good care of that gift, and be grateful that you are amongst the lucky ones to be blessed by it.

To all the widows, divorcees out there, trust me when I say, there is life after death. Being alone doesn't mean you are lonely. Well, perhaps at times, but I felt lonely even when I was in a marriage. I guess, happiness does not solely come from having a spouse, rather, happiness comes from within. If you have that special person to share that happiness with, then by god it's a gift, treasure it.

Thou shalt not coveth thy neighbour's wife (or wives,just in case.)

2007-11-27T10:19:00.000+08:00

So what's so great about being in the 40s? It's not. Great in a sense of "yeay..I've turned 40", I mean. What's so great about knowing you're approaching nearer to the grave? Rather, being in the 40s gives you a sense that you have finally established your inner self, or at least getting closer there. You're blessed with the realization that makes you feel, that perhaps you have finally got it together. Like a veil, lifted away from your vision and you more or less understand yourself, and you can see life in a much clearer perspective. It is more about you, rather than what people think about you. You're beginning to know who you are. You define yourself, and not let others' do that for you. Now, THAT is great.

When I was much younger, although I kept saying that I don't really give a fish what people think or say about me, I realise now, that subconsciously, I did care. I cared about what people say about my dressing, I know it mattered because, when I get negative feedback from others', I felt hurt easily.

Today, I could just walk out in my shorts and spaggeti string top when I throw my garbage without a care in the world. In my mind, if my righteous neigbours don't like how I look, then settle their sentiments by simply not looking. I mean, if you claim you are "alim", then even naked women won't move your iman, or if it does, the next best thing is to look away. After all, I will be in my own compound which I have paid for not from their pockets but my own, therefore, let me have my privacy. The best thing to give each other privacy is not by spying, prying or looking into the neighbours house. The time to look into neighbours' matters is when they need help or when there are suspicious characters hovering the house,or it's vicinity, or when you just want to be friendly. Otherwise, if you have nothing good to say, practicing reticence would be wise. (especially when you have pseudoschizophrenic with verbal diarrhea neighbours like me!!). Funny though, where the so called "alim" people dissapeared to when you need help trying to catch the robbers. (trust me, I am talking from past experience) .

Hmmm...maybe that is why 3 of my neighbours right across had shifted out. Maybe they reaaaallllly cannot tahan to see me in my skimpy attire, and in a last attempt to save their marriages from crumbling due to insecurities of their overweight wives, or husbands with philandering records, they've decided that it was better to move out to a less vulgar neighbourhood!!!

Turning 40...The Beginning....

2007-11-24T19:00:00.000+08:00

Oh yes. I remember my 40th birthday. I was down with a 39degrees fever unlike described by Frank Sinatra's "you give me fever, what a lovely way to burn.". Instead, it was an old lady who gave me that darn fever and trust me, fever caused by bloody virus is definitely not a lovely way to burn. My favourite teacher use to tell me to think of something positive, when you are down. The only positive thing I could think of at that time, was that I was running the right body temperature for giving an excellent felatio. What? It's impossible to think about hiking the Everest when you're already more nauseaus than imagining what the altitude could do to the last content of your food intake.

On a hindsight, I wouldn't have it any other way. You know what they say about a little near death experience is good to get one's life into perspective. ( Hey, I am an Aries, and an Arien is an eternal attention seeking child. It's not my fault I'm a Drama Queen). Well, in my time of despair, there and then I made an important decision in my life. I've decided that it was awful to plunge myself in an abyss of self pity and misery and I will not allow myself a second visit there. I've decided that, turning 40 will be a dawn of a new chapter in my life. I've decided to take charge in writing the plot in this chapter and the theme is being happy while continuing my pursue towards achieving harmonious wealth.

Oh yes, I am an Oprah sucker and in case you've missed the episode where the some experts defined "harmonious health", I'll just fill you in. Harmonious wealth comprises of 5 elements which are, intelligence, spiritual, relationships, health and material wealth. Sitting alone in bed running a temperature that could cook an egg had it landed on my naval (which is a tricky thing considering the extra fat deposited through the years had made it convex rather than concave...) , obviously I need to work more on the health part.

So, on my 40th birthday, I did not go anywhere to celebrate it. That night, I realise I had been in a place where I've not been for a long time. I had been to ME......Suddenly, turning 40 sounds like a dawn of a new begining...

Welcome to my age box...The Introduction

2007-11-22T22:39:00.000+08:00

Welcome to my new blog. You can call me...oh..just call me Auntie Dot, of course that is not my real name. Nobody puts their real name on the blog. Only idiots do I suppose. Just think of me as the new aunt on the blog. I know it sounds less appealing than the New Kids On The Block, but I think boy bands are so yesterday. The stories in here however, are going to be, I promise you, as authentic as it can get.

Of course I am 40 plus. ( Hellooo....notice the blog title?) . I got it from somewhere that, 40 is the begining of an end, which I beg to differ really. I also got this from somewhere,"40 is when I finally begin to get my head together, only to have my body starting to fall apart." . This one I cannot contradict. It's true what they say, that you can't win them all. C'est la Vie !!

Of course I am a woman. Why would I open up a blog about being in the 40s unless I am one. Men don't talk like we women do. They are so busy trying to live up to their macho expectations. Otherwise they are busy trying to conquer something or fight evil or create issues that cause us women talking in the first place, or whatever it is men do to show how different they are from women. Of course I am not talking about Metrosexual men. Now, someone should open a blog on Metrosexuals.

Unlike men, when women have a crisis, we talk, and talk and talk about it until we decide we are tired of talking. How do you think Oprah is ranked Number 1 in Forbe's "Who made the most money" list, three years in a row. The fact that she is a Billionaire, simply goes to show how much women like to talk. We do it not so much of trying to find solution to a problem, but more so of having to get the problem off our chests. That's when men do not decipher us. They offer solution and get upset if women reject them, when all they could have done to spare the squabble is to just shut up and listen. Not hear us, but listen. Not too hard isn't it?

I will stop at this introduction. There are many interesting things that I would like to share with you from my own experience upon turning 40. I will now go sit in my garden, and get inspired, or get sick of the zen-ness, or whichever that comes first, and come back in here with brilliant things to narrate. I will try to bring you into this journey called life, as a 40year plus sees it (with or without the glasses. Now that's another addition to a 40year old. You can disguise the gray hair with a bit of coloring, but the reading glasses is a dead give away!!!).

This blog may come in handy for men who need to understand women,(or even those who have given up understanding women and prefer to stay obtuse) and women trying to understand themselves. . (See, that is why men find women hard to understand.. Even the women find it almost impossible to comprehend ourselves!!!) . And about men and women trying to decipher life itself. You may learn something from my past experiences. Until then, ladies and gentlemen.......welcome to my age box....

Posted by Auntie Dot at 4:17 AM 0 comments

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