No Sex? and the City

I just don't get it. What's the big hoo haa just talking about sex? You don't need licence for that do you? You definitely cannot get pregnant just talking about it? (Unless you're a member of PAS and actually believe that immaculate pregnancy can occur just by queing up together, men and women). Not talking about it is not going to decrease its practice, legal or illegally. It's human nature to want to do something that is prohibited unto them. It instigates curiosity of whether they can get away with it. No? Well, then, perhaps it's just me then. But hey, I'm one happy woman.

Sex, whether it is talked about openly or behind doors, will continue to play an important role in human lives. It is a known fact that prostitution is one of the oldest job since the beginning of mankind. Sorry, I rephrase that. I don't think Adam had any other women around to start any philandering activities, nor was he likely to do so. (but then again there was that incident with Eve that got them into trouble and out unto earth...). Perhaps it is more appropriate to say, that it is the oldest occupation since the beginning of civilization.

What's the oldest job you ask me? Politicians of course. Why do you think this world is so screwed up? They were here on Day One, well, almost. Come to think of it, corrupted politicians and prostitutes have one thing in common- they screw people for money, but that is another story. (one that would lead me into ISA if I go on about it)

Back to talking about sex ( yes, I know you like it when I talk dirty...), people find it uncomfortable to talk freely regarding sex, especially men, when they cannot rise to the occasion, for example. It's funny because, that is the exact time when they should be talking about it because keeping quiet is not going to get them anywhere.I'm sure men don't find it funny, try having a gun that wouldn't unload when you desperately need to.

So what, if your gadget of fertility could not perform, one maybe four times in a row. It's normal for a man to experience impotence at least once in his life time. It's a transient matter, of which it's longevity ( I'm talking in reference of time here..not the gadget) depends upon when the unfortunate man with the temporarily out of service love machine, decides to come clean with the problem and finally solve it. Finally, if all else fails, there's always the viagra. For those of you who still think I am talking about Lang Lang's piano performance on the Rachmaninov's piece, or Paladin in "Have gun will travel", helloooo!! Wake up!! You can't be that naive!!



I once had this conversation with my colleage and somehow, we ended up talking about .....syyyy.......sex. She commented something that left me ....I can't think of a term to describe my sentiment at the time, but I remember my mouth was agap, long enough for a spider to knit a web unto it. From what I gathered from her comment, she had sex with her husband only in one position, husband on top, anything else would be making her feel like a nymphomaniac. Then again, you can't blame her, she was born a malay and most malay women are brought up to let their men stay on top.



Hello!! If God had intended sex to be performed only via one position, why on earth create human's joints to accomodate flexibility??!! It's no wonder why most married malay men, ended up marrying at least another one, if they can't fill up the quota of four!! (trust me, it's every men's secret dream to have a harem of women, legally or illegally. They won't tell you that of course). These men were probably insiduosly looking for sexual satisfaction, which obviously one position cannot provide!! And since it is wrong in Islam to "testdrive" in bed, what the heck, they'll just legalize it by marrying other women. There you go, the reason behind the popular sunnah unveiled.

I know marriage is not all about sex. It's something like money. Money isn't everything, but it does help improve bargaining position...Trust me, if men or less likely women do not get a reasonably satisfying sex, they still will manage to keep a good marriage, by fucking some other woman on the side, quietly. You're not a philanderer until you get caught with your panties down, unless you are not the type to wear panties. Women however, can be amazingly loyal to their spouse. Some even have never experienced how an orgasm felt like, yet, they were fine about it. Well, you won't know what you're missing until you know.


You think that was shocking? Well, let me tell you another story. It's so shocking, this time my jaw instantly gave up it's fight with gravity, and I was never the same after that. The couple had been married for nearly 8 years now and they still haven't had sex!!! The reason how I found out was because she told me she could not do a pap smear.

I remember when she first ask me for help, I was so shocked, I remember uttering,"if you need me to give you advice on how to give someone the blowjob of a lifetime, I may be able to help you, but this, for the first time in my life, I am speechless". I was, in all honesty. But I did try to help by arranging for them, professional counselling. I am still hitherto, waiting for that call from my friend who will someday say what may seem like magic words to me, "Help me. We had this rough sex and now I have a condom stuck in my vagina and it would'nt come out"...anything as ridiculous, so long as I know their problem is regarding sex, not deprivation of it..Otherwise, should the therapy fail, she should just quietly go ahead with the pap smear, and at least would not suffer future embarassment of claiming to be a virgin after 8 years of marriage. It is however, a little sad, when she reflects back at her life only to remember how that cold vaginal speculum, of the smallest size, had broke her virginity.

I can't really laugh at her situation, however, because I use to be the joke of the campus, you know, when people are laughing at you, not with you? At then, 23years of age, I was a product of "hush hush sex", and by that , I do not mean I am an illegitimate child of sort, rather, just ignorant about sex altogether. That ignorance was hardly bliss. I remember Iwas reading this book and I sighed, saying,"I have to read this in and out". My then, boy friend, smiled wickedly and started teasing me," in and out, in and out". I looked at him disgusted, and said," In Islam, you can only penetrate once. Then you have to mandi junub." (I realized later, you are suppose to only have sex once, and have to bathe before restarting another session...not my fault the ustazah sounded ambigous back then). I had the cheek to argue about the matter, because I hate loosing any argument.

He in turn looked at me as if i was from Kingdom Far Far Away, and did not say anything for good 10seconds, then with that expression that cannot describe, but remember until today replied back, "Do you know that the penis have to go in and out of a vagina before achieving orgasm?". He then explained to me how sex is performed, and I sat there beside him in the library ( how boring can my life be) and finally learned from my boyfriend, how people actually have sex. And to add insult to injury, he rest his case by saying smugly and cheekily, "Celup sekali je, tak jadi apa, jadi tapai je laaaa"..It's not what he had said, rather the way he said it made me blush everytime I recall it.

I can imagine therefore, young girls who are naive yet desperately want to oblige their boy friends, ended up getting pregnant.

Sex is just a natural human need. How we handle it is totally up to us. There is nothing dirty about it, unless it is forced unto an unwilling partner, or err..sheep for example. We human need sex to regulate our hormones and hence become healthier. You know when your boss is being bitchy in the office because she was not getting any the night before, if you catch my drift. It's a mood elevator as well, works better than prozac I dare say. Tell me how much calories one burns sex-ercising?

I am not going to touch the religious aspect of it, you leave it up to the ulamaks, you'll never be able to experience a fellatio without having an image of you burning in hell just before orgasm. But apart from that, I think sex should practice in a healthy manner, medically and ethically. Talking about it certainly helps increasing our knowlege and the practice of sex itself. Look what I've learned since my "one dip orgasm theory" !!