Getting Lost

If ever you want to get lost driving in Malaysia, try this; make sure your car has full tank fuel and your smart tag has ample balance in it. Then you take a drive to a predetermined destination, and make sure you follow the sign boards. I have this conspiracy theory regarding the Malaysian sign board system. They have covet agreement with the toll system to ensure that the road users get confused just by following the signboards and when we get lost, somehow the signboards will inevitably guide us towards yet another toll. You have to try getting lost in KL to appreciate this theory.

But you know what is the good thing that comes from getting lost? Well, if you can hold your temper and accept the fact that you’re stranded in some place where most people have not heard of what an armpit deodorant is, sometimes, you may discover something new and interesting. Women may find a wholesale store that sells the exact same material at quarter of the price they get when the same thing is sold at a high end store. With women, most of the time, shopping would be the phenomena that will revert a tragedy into a blessing with or without the disguise..With men, well, probably they will discover some massage pallor that have real women with the Midas touch working. What better place to get a massage than a place where the Mrs won’t even bother going.

Or if you’re someone who comes from a struggling background, then maybe getting lost might find you in some posh area where two outcomes are possible. You may feel suicidal because life seem to be offering more for these rich people, or you may come out from that area feeling nothing but deep gratitude towards God for keeping it real for you, and you feel pity for those who have worldly material in a package of delusion called “achievements”.

You see, interpretation of success differs, depending on who sets the definition. It’s a relative thing. For example, when some people say “they have trouble with sleep” it means they need sedatives to help them go to sleep. While people like me, who like to keep life simple and real by redefining life’s expectations and definitions, my interpretation of “I have trouble with sleep” means I have trouble getting out of the sleeping state. Or another example would be when someone says, “I’m homesick” they mean they miss home, when I say “I’m homesick” what I meant is “I’m sick of home” (I see my parents too frequently sometimes there are moments, in absence of sanity that I forget why I love them). See, these things are relative and subjective.

Or perhaps you may come out of getting lost with mixed feelings of the aforementioned.

In life, shit happens. Just like you get lost on the roads, humans tend to get lost in life. Sometimes I think that the only time humans possessed true freedom was when we were in our mothers womb, happily floating in our own urine, (what did you think that amniotic fluid is all about eh?) in our most natural forms without the constraint of clothing nor society’s expectations. Happily sucking our thumbs and float away to our hearts content. Why do you think babies cry when they come out into the real world? They get slapped on their bottoms if they don’t. Being in a state of content with being reticent is not acceptable. Yes, the moment we come out of that safe haven of mommy’s warm and comfy womb, we were already graded by Apgar score standard, talk about keeping up with life’s expectations !!

Back to life, it is safe to avow that shit happens at least once in one’s life. Otherwise, I don’t think it’s called “living”. Yes, indeed shit happens. Things sometimes take a turn down the Mexican way, (or should I substitute that to the Malaysian way? We seem to be speeding down that lane), or sometimes things end. I’m surprised that people get surprise when life demands changes. Are we not part of the universe where the rule is constantly changing forms?
(Click on to loose your way)

Yes, things change. The only rule to determine survival is to adapt to the changes. How we handle changes in our lives is the key to staying significant. Life constantly tests us and sometimes, we end up lost, side tracked or even diverted from our destination.

I’ve been lost a couple of times myself. After the death of my beloved husband, I was kind of lost mostly in self pity more than actual misery. It’s not easy having to pick up the broken pieces of what could have been. I’m sure people who goes through divorces feel the same. You spend all that time building a highway towards a certain destination, then suddenly the earthquake struck and everything fell into shambles. It’s out of your control and you feel more lost underneath all that ruin. You begin to wonder, where to start picking up the debris.

If ever there’s a song in dire need to be written, it will be the song dedicated to all the single parents out there. People grumble about how hard it is to become parents, imagine how much more difficult it would be to carry two jobs of parenting, on one shoulder. Whilst the physical and mental aspect of single parenting is tough, I think most single parents find the emotional bagage the most toughest to handle.

I remember my kid’s first day at school. I remember watching her walk up to join the assembly, her oversized school bag overshadowing her little scrawny figure clad in the school uniform, one size bigger . I barely realised that I was whispering softly to my deceased hubby, “Look at her go jaan, she’s so brave, if only you could see her now”...Or there was that joyous moment when she scored in her major exams, my chest felt like it was going to explode with joy and at the same time I felt like I was choking with sadness that I could not share it with that special someone. I’m sure most of you have been there with me, caught in such moments. I call it the kodak meets prozac moments..

But being displaced from the intended path to that of a get by one, I discovered things about myself that I will never be able to do so, should I still be somebody’s wife. I’ve discovered my inner emotional strenght, (although in my moments of despair, I wonder what do I gain by being stronger) and more importantly, I’ve managed to discover my own identity. I’m no longer Mrs so and so. I’m just....me. I managed to nurture my writing skills, or so it seems. After all, what better way to channel your life’s frustration then to pen it out so that the whole world can learn from your experience right? I have all my failed short relationships (started dating again after 3 years of his death) to thank for making me come out of it a philosopher. Through all that tragedy and pain, I have managed to grow as an individual. But you know what? Given a choice, I'd rather discover my so called talents or grow as an individual, with a companion beside me. Cies't la vie....you don't always get what you want. Nevertheless, it's not so bad. Looking at my kid, I saw a happy ending to a sad tale...

So the next time you get lost, maybe it’s some kind of divine intervention, a window of opportunity for you to make full use of. Blast off your favourite music, sing along if you can carry a tune that is ear-drum friendly, it’s your own ear drums we’re talking about here, look around and explore. Who knows, you may discover something worth discovering....then again, it may not be divine intervention, just dumb luck..either way, the choice of making the best of it is yours.