Some things that makes you go hmmmm....

I was singing away to Jamie Cullum's song whilst trying to restore the color of my car simply by washing it, (I too, sometimes forget that it's not gray color...but red when it's washed), when my eyes were suddenly feasted upon another pair, that seemed to be observing me. He looked like he was having some kind of deep thought, head tilted to one side but not drooling simultaneously. His eyes were full of queries, bewildered, as though I was the ultimate mystery and he the Sherlock Holmes. In Hollywood, I would have love to think that this scene was one from a Romantic Comedy blockbuster, and those pair of eyes boring into me belonged to Clooney. Unfortunately, this is real life and in real life, romance don't really exist. I guess that is why romantic movies gets the thumbs up because if it is common, then it won't be anything special to watch.

Anyway, those pair of watchful innocent eyes belong to my neighbour's son, around maybe 9 to 10 year old. After wondering for about 2 minutes, as to why I was a mystery to him, I realized that it could not have been because I look like a mummy, I mean the actual Egyptian mummy, as I don't even look like someone's mommy and I did comb my hair that morning. Then it dawned to me. He was curious as to why a woman was washing the car. I guess he's not used to seeing a woman doing a man's chores.

My neighbour, that particular one, are one of those people who think embracing Islam is converting into Arabs. They certainly dress like Arabs, but well, at least the wife is not clad in one of those "can see a pair of eyes only" hijab. About that attire, I was told that women wear those so that men won't get steamed up looking at them. Have it occurred to anyone that maybe the reason for them to wear that, is for the women to curtail steam from being visibly seen evaporating from them as a result of looking at the men? Just a thought.


Anyway, I have nothing but neighbourly respect and amiability shown towards them whenever we bump into each other, although the husband, who was friendly to me, up until he learned that I'm a widow, tries his best to "lower his gaze" after the revelation. Actually it's fine by me, because it's less one person to have to crack a smile to when I don't feel like smiling. And I thought that "Though shalt not covert thou neighbour's wife" was merely an urban legend....


I guess it's the culture. When you're a widow, you are a WMD to any marriages apparently, well to the insecure ones I guess, not that that is my problem. I don't blame the insecure wives either, but I wish people should not stereotype people. If I'm a home wrecker like Angelina Jolie, which I'm not since I don't look anything like her, (albeit I am capable of acting a femme fatale, if I want to), I would have been re-married a long time ago. Can't help it if I don't look depressed, worn out, dressing down for the occasion or however it is a widow is suppose to look like. I do what I like anyway. I don't try to fit into society, I make society fit into me :-D

My principal is simple. If you don't like looking at me clad in skimpy attire, and that you're too "righteous" and all, then stop looking. Look away from something that can dissolve your marriage, just like how a cross can dissolve one's iman according to some of our Muftis. I think the Muftis today are bored of looking for the anak bulan and never being able to locate it, like ....ever....so they are now indulging in becoming comedians instead. Can you blame them? You think it's not boring just sitting around polishing the Mohor Besar Raja Raja, and only get to use them 2 times in a year to deliver the Muslims the same sad news of not being able to sight the anak bulan? Oh but I digress.


Speaking of culture, I remember once when I was caught kissing my late husband just outside the house. Well, it was very early, how was I to know that there were people up and about at that wee hour of the morning, let alone kids. My late hubby was in the car and was about to pull off the driveway when I ran out to hand him his wallet, that he had left on the dining table. So he pulled me through the side window and gave me a kiss, enough to say that it was a little bit too French than intended. As I withdrew my face from the window, and turned around to head back into the house, I saw this two of my neighbour's kids just frozen in their steps, eyes wide, pupils dilated and mouths agap. Poor souls, we must have shocked them to their very cores with what they saw. I gave them my Julia Roberts smile and winked at them, turned around to throw a glance at my hubby just in time to catch him smiling at me. I wonder today, what impact we may have posed on those kids. I hope it is a positive one. I hope they learn that it is okay to show love in a form of physical touch.

I guess we Asians are a bit introverted when it comes to demonstrating our feelings in a form of physical gestures to one another. I can relate to that, because I was one of those people. That changed when I married my hubby. He was a Punjabi. And it was a bit of a cultural shock that everyone seem to be hugging each other tight and kissing each other on the face. I remember the first time when I met my parents in law. I bowed over to kiss their hands, a Malay culture to show respect for the elderly, and in return, they hugged me tight and kissed me. I remember wondering if I'd be crushed to death by my mom in law, with good intentions. She's kind of obese and I was 42kg, so I think you can just imagine how the scene would look like. But it gave me this unfamiliar warm and fuzzy feeling inside....

Back to the boy, that look he gave me was priceless. It was total honesty, that only a child can reflect in his eyes. This is the point where it all begins. This is where children are restricted in their minds as to what defines the role of a woman and a man. Seldom boys are taught to cook in the kitchen because "it's a woman's job" to do so. Girls are not allowed to do manly chores because it's "unlady like".


Question. Why do we restrict our kids from doing everything so that they will grow up to be self sufficient being? Some men marry women simply because they need a home maker to run things domestically, so that they would come home to a organized household. Most Malay girls are taught that, as long as they keep their duty as a wife (that includes running the household single-handedly, feed the husband, feed the kids and "feed" the husbands at night), then it is okay for them to go out there to work for the money. I never understood that really . Women expect the same from men, for them to perform their manly duties.

Why not husband cook for a change (god nothing is ever so sexy than a man cooking for his woman), and women wash their cars? Think about it. Is that so bad?

Why do we keep doing dumb things or not doing good things, insisting it's "preserving the culture"? Why can't we just all become eclectic ? Think about it...