Bra-ssure ah?

I hate buying brassieres!! It's mentally traumatizing and self esteem wrecking, well, at least to me. The stressful fact that my existing bra needed replacement…. yet again, could instigate a series of hormonal changes in my already failed to defy gravity body, resulting in zits that made my face look like a teenager, inconsistent with the theme of the rest of my body which is joining the rest of the Muslim country in Malaysia and The Club of Doom. It's not like my breasts had grown a size bigger. In fact, I secretly suspect that I may be the world’s first undiagnosed female, who have a polymastia/accessory breasts/or in laymen's term; THE THIRD BREAST , and probably the first to have the fourth one without actually having the first two... I read somewhere though, "this is the age when we finally get our head together, only to have the rest of the body falling apart". Well, at least I have one thing less to sag...then again, how can they sag when technically, they don't exist?

This is my dilemma. I take after my father, the flat chested part included in the package; how inconvenient. Let me put it to you this way; when others say they are worried about the small lumps they’ve discovered in their breasts, I worry about the small lumps on my chest are actually the breasts. Anyway, a friend suggested a push up bra, a maximizer apparently it's called. I try them on, and discovered that in order to look good in a push up bra, you need to have breasts for the bra to have something to push up. So, let me run you through with this; for your breasts to look good, you need a push up bra. To be able to use a push up bra however, you need to have a good size breasts. Therefore, if you are flat chested, you’re busted…in a non-busty sense of it. Indeed, it is but a vicious cycle. Oh joy, another potential topic for the Discovery Channel.

And why the hell women need to use a bra in the first place?!! Some tribes in Africa are happily moving around with their boobs dangling like they’re lunch boxes, which technically, is what they are. A twin set of lunch boxes to be precise. After all, if all women go around half naked - the upper half naked, just to be exact, then men would get used to looking at those dangling boobs and well, they won’t be ummm.. “moved” by them after some time. It’s just human nature really; they get excited when things aren’t accessible to them. Look at doctors for instance. Breast examination could actually embarrass the doctors rather than the patients. Gynaecologists be another example; when you bump into them in the hallway,chances are, they may not even recognize you, until you lie down on the examination table and they take a look at your “gateway to procreation” only then they may greet you, “Oh hello Mrs So and So, nice to see you again”. It’s a form of patient identification method rather than a sexual object really.

Why do you think the Arabs make their women wear the Hijab. It gives them prolong and never ending excitement. First, get excited with those lovely pair of eyes. When eyes don't excite no more, then the nose is next, the cheeks then…. by the time they get to see the hair (which would probably be the last thing to see because basically, covering the hair is given prime importance in Islam – never mind if you don’t wear underwear for convenience of the “thou shalt propagate forth” ), they would have gotten old and exhausted.

Then there's the line of comfy cotton teenage bra, (how sad, I’ve resolved to that) but alas! They do not have them in skin color. They have all the fancy designs in bright colors which made me wonder, aren't bras suppose to remain not just Victoria’s secret but secret of all women too?



What next, a sequel to Wonder Woman whereby she wears not only her underwear over her tights, but also her bra over her shirt? Oh wait…she did that already, redefining undergarment. In fact, she just wore the bra…probably in a haste all the time to save everyone's day, no time to put a shirt on . Hmm…maybe that was how Wonder Woman got her name…from Wonder Bra..
Sometimes I wonder, why bother with the bra. Flat chested women should just go around wearing that Pagoda Singlet…why bother hiding something that’s not there anyway.

So, why is buying brassieres traumatizing for some women again?, or perhaps it’s just for me. I don’t know about the others but for me, getting a bra is as tough as getting a man. You need something that is supportive, protective, reliable, trustworthy, comfortable, sexy and close to your heart. But unlike men, brassieres you can buy….
(don't bother clicking onto the link below...post ends here...it's a technical error of which I have yet to correct..after i do my brassiere shopping..sigh..)