The smartest of women...

On my way to work today, I stopped to allow a family of Arabs to cross the road. It wasn't a zebra crossing or anything like that, but I saw that the couple had 3children and a baby in a whatever it is they call it today; we use to call it "Pram". I noticed that the husband was slightly ahead of his wife, who was pushing the pram and was with two daughters, whilst the he was with a boy held in one hand, and a bag on the other. It was not a narrow lane and I was on the right side of the it.

As I stopped, I notice the cars on the left did not, well, not many cars, the man could have crossed the road if he had wanted to. But he didn't. He just stood there, looking like he's waiting for oil to spring out of the earth. So there I was, stagnant in the middle of a junction, with MJ's "Beat It" keeping me company, which I find kind of ironic, given the situation I was in at the time, waiting for Adam's family to cross. (Come to think of it, that song, “Didi” , you know, the Arabic song that goes Didi here and Didi there and Didi all throughout the song, which I don’t comprehend anyway, except for the word Didi which I presumed is the lover’s name, is much more ironic should it be played while they were crossing the road). Actually, I was rather urging them to cross after feeling frustrated that the husband did not make the move to do so, so I had to give him the hand gesture, an international language understood by most, apart from the middle finger International Sign Language understood by all, to "cross the goddamn road cause I'm going to be late if I wait for you, dammit".

Suddenly there was movement going on with the man and he managed to get himself right in front of my car, waiting for the car on the left side, that by the way was about 50meters behind, as I caught a glimpse of the Toyota going on a speed slightly faster than that of the donkey cart's, to pass through. The man managed to cross after the Toyota passed by, but the wife stood there, in full splendor of the black hijab, with the baby in the pram and the two girls, probably aged 6-7 years, they look like they belong to the same ages, (they probably have not heard of the word 'gap your pregnancy' in all the excitement to propagate forth, to a nation of quantity, but don't know about the quality), who are by now excited to cross the road, after seeing that the father was already at the other side of the pavement.

The two kids, after receiving the signal to cross from the dad, gladly did so, but by the time they did, another car was forced to stop for them (well, the driver should have had half the common sense to stop for pedestrian voluntarily right?). Now, there were two cars in the middle of the road, waiting for Royal Ninja-ness to push the pram to cross the road, yet still, she hesitated, which left me irritated. Hello!! Do you expect your hubby cross the road and come get you to cross together? Or what then? Permission to move? Finally when she crossed the road, much to the relief of all, (not so much for them but for rather relieved for ourselves)to not be tipped off our schedules), life resumed.

Don't get me wrong, although there were no crossings to indicate the cars should stop for pedestrians, (does it make any difference with the Malaysian drivers, even if there were?), it seemed ethical to do so, and I strongly believe that the cars on the left should have stopped for the kids at least. But to not be able to cross a simple road without the help of your man, now, that is pathetic indeed. And don't let me start on that husband of hers, who could have taken the two daughters along with him when he first crossed the road. What is he? The King of England, and all women including children should walk 1 meters behind him?

It makes me feel so blessed indeed, upon looking at how that Arab lady was unable to do a simple thing like crossing the road all by herself, without becoming a nuisance by stopping traffic. I feel grateful that I am born a Muslim woman in Malaysia, rather than any other "Islamic country" that ironically seem to ignore the very essence of the reason why Islam is brought down upon them in the first place; that is to battle any form of oppression, and declare every soul as equal beings regardless of gender, color, culture and whatever it is that humans are fond of categorizing themselves, just to have a sense of belonging, or perhaps merely a victim of politicians' divide and rule policy.

I have mixed feelings when it comes to Arab women. I can't make out whether they are smarter in the sense that, unlike us, the "modern women", they don't need to bloody drive to work in an hour that is more suitable to roll around in bed entertaining our laziness, or just trapped in their culture. Let me not start on the traffic jam, if women were to drive to work slightly later. Or should I just envy them for being able to play that "oh, dear gawwwwd, aaah've just drop maah handkerchief" stunt and play the men by making them work like the dog only to have their women, who sit around all day long enough to even have time to watch their in-growing toe nail growing the wrong direction, spend it all lavishly.

Frankly, I think some of the Asian women, especially Malay women, are the least smartest amongst women. We let our men bully us by letting ourselves believe in the crap the Uztaz and Ustazah sell about,"women can go to work provided they do not neglect their households". This translated to women going to work, coming back and work as a maid if the family is unable to afford an actual maid, ergo contributing to the family in the sense of money as well as hard labor, which by the way, includes "entertaining the husbands past the kids' bedtime", (I consider having sex when one is exhausted is labour)

These women, are lucky if the husbands are able to locate where in their houses, the kitchen is situated. Some husbands may even get lost and end up in the maids' rooms on the way to the kitchen that they cannot locate. I've heard stories, even husbands suddenly developing "sleep walk to maid's room" syndrome without prior history of any sleepwalking during childhood.

And we look at the Arab women, feeling pity for them, just because they are made to wear something that hides all of god's beauty, and not able to drive nor go to work, or to have their own minds, let alone voice them. Just to digress a little, my Yemeni friend, Ali, back in college once told me that he got into trouble once with his mom for whistling at her, of course not knowing he was whistling at his own mother who just came back from the market. I mean, it’s not his fault either, except for the whistling, which I blame the hormones, because all Yemeni women are clad in black hijab. I smile when I recall Ali. He was a real joker, which is rare for an Arab. He once told me that he want to get married to four beautiful women, all from different races, so that even when they get angry with each other, none understood each other due to language barrier, so that will keep everyone, especially him, happy. Only he can get away with polygamy jokes that Ali…But we must remember, the Arab women may laugh at us, thinking how stupid we all are to let our men manipulate us in the name of Women's Liberation, have us do almost everything for them, running around like fools. It works both ways...

On the other hand, perhaps our lives may not be perfect, but we have what is called a choice to be independent. Unlike women,however, men do are not blessed with the same choice. Men, have no choice but to be independent and work, whether they like it or not. I'm not so sure where does all this womanly independence will get us, after all, those dependent Arab women still end up the same place we independent women brag to end up in,which is the shopping mall, and they do not have to sweat for the money they spent.(let the men think they are all macho, work like the dog and spend all their money....who's smarter eh?).

A point worth noting though; independent or otherwise, women however, need to be educated. An educated home-maker, (which incidentally is my dream job that could never really materialize), for instance, produces smarter off springs, if of course she spends quality time with the children. Imagine if a wife is totally dependent on the husband, and is not educated. What fate lies for here should, god forbidden, anything happens to the husband.

Independent or otherwise, I guess it depends on what makes a woman happy. However, it is safe to say that independent women, although sometimes secretly wish that they are having a fab time like the Arab ladies,(the part where they get money without having to lift a finger) have one thing that we seem to take for granted, but is very important for a human being to possess; it is called self value, err, not that those not working don't have it, it's just the independent women have more of it I guess. You do not have to kiss butt feeling unhappy about it, in order to sustain your own life. If you depend too much on men, you need to gulp your pride a lot too, and put up with their crap, and by god we all have lived long enough to note that most men are so full of crap. I don't know about you, but that reason is good enough for me....