I look to you...

Notice how some songs, enabled by a calming ambiance, have this magnetic pull, dragging us back into the creases of our minds, to a certain time, a certain moment perhaps? And that is why I don't listen to mushy songs when I'm on the way to work. Apart from making me drive like a ermm...pussy, I tend to get all mushy and in sentimental mode by the time I reach my work place. Oh, those malingerers would really love to see that happening don't they?

That song, Neyo "So sick of Love Song" is suddenly humming in my brains now.. ..I guess it kind of work both ways....certain sentences or instances makes you recall certain songs. I use to sing some phrases in between them talking, sometimes, only to certain friends of course, driving them up the wall ....we can't deny that most of the songs playing on the radio is about love...no wait...actually nowadays it's more about sex...don't let me start on that one....suffice to say that producers now are competing to put in as much sex as they can in 4 minutes. ... Pff...talk about musical Quickies. (ah yes...Madonna/Timberlake's "4 minutes" is playing in my head now)

Oh, let me just share it with you, just to digress...



I grew up listening to Whitney Houston, amongst many. She was at the height of her popularity when she committed the biggest career suicide of all. She married Bobby Brown, and no, I don't really listen to Brown's songs not because he's brown, but I don't really fancy his songs. I much preferred Loudness to him. And her journey have been downhill from that point onwards. Actually it was Jill who fell down and both Jack and Jill came tumbling down together...unfortunately, this video have not been created yet..

We've all been there before, right? Same old story. Girl meets boy. Some heartache eventually happen at some point of the relationship. We break up , part, go our separate ways ... and we start listening to songs like this;


Craig David - Walking Away

eric | MySpace Video


And some bastards we broke off with, deserve this song; (or sometimes we happen to deserve this dedication)



But being human, we tend to repeat the cycle of love, unless we have been hurt more than necessary. It's the masochism in us i suppose. It's like, once we've tasted the taste of love, we keep going back for more otherwise there will be this constant nagging craving in our hearts no matter how much we try to deny it. Injured big time, we retreat for a moment until our hearts are healed then we move on, to the next cycle....or maybe not...who's to tell when it comes to love...and we are not talking about love for our employers here folks... we only love them during end of the month and end of the year...(ain't got nothin' but love baybe..... Whitney's song playing...my head is a walking Ipod really)

But we gather experience as we go along. I guess it's true what they say, that it's better to love and get hurt, rather than never to experience love at all. It's a bit irritating that one has to experience series of almost endless crappy "love" just to get to the worthy one, which sadly, isn't many. (and that is why they make that song, "Endless Love" and not "Endless crappy love" because no one wants to hear about something they live up to, instead, prefer something they can fantasize with)... I suppose it's God's way of making us value the worth of that rare true love. Then again, as we gain experience, we too change as an individual and the game of love changes too. Frankly, I think it's just hormone compatibility for the bigger purpose of life - procreation...God is laughing up there...

You do realize that I don't know what the fish I'm ranting about right? But if you find any console or even truth in what I'm verbal diarrhiating, then by all means, please resume reading and I hope you learn something from this destructive piece of literature I'm writing. I'd like to think as myself as contributing to the world with my crappy writings.

Amongst many songs, this song to me carries a deep meaning, not just for me, but I can bet my bottom dollar to many men and women out there. Please listen to it's lyrics..it's powerful. Oh, don't forget to close your eyes while listening...(obviously not while you're driving)




If there's anybody who could feel the song as much as any one of us, women and men, it would be Whitney. She's the epic Hollywood story of a superstar, who fell in love with the just the wrong guy, and by God, did they not went to the dumpster with that...

This song however, to me, is about something many a times you and I have overlooked, love for ourselves. I've been down in an abyss of sadness. Turned out, there is no such thing as an abyss in life as I realized when I fell with a thud onto the bottom of a pit of which I thought was an abyss. Fell hard, injured myself pretty bad, I had to stay stagnant there for a while to accommodate healing. Then in the midst of sadness, as I realized more sadness is not going to make any difference, I looked up, instead of being angry at God (well, temporary insanity due to depression), I saw the light. No, not the one that people see just before they allegedly die.. I realized, that, if I'm at the bottom of the pit, there is nowhere else to go, but up from that point on.

When the tears that constantly filled my eyes cleared, I finally saw a clear view from where I stood. The only way I was ever going to get out of the pit, is for me to get up and get out of that pit. There was no hero in some embarrassingly tight at the wrong anatomical parts suit came to rescue me. The hero was within me. And so, picked myself up I did, and as I dusted away self pity, I found strength from within this small body and gathered courage to crawl out of the foetid sinkhole. Looking back, I did not know my own strength. And now I do. And if I can sing as excellent as Whitney, it would be me singing that song today.....well, the Chip Monk version of it anyway. I guess God did punish me after all...for that nagging I do on daily basis. Imagine if I have a loud voice...hmm..


And last but definitely the least, this is a kind of "gospel" , my prayers to my Creator. I usually talk to Him almost all the time, and that is why I know God is mighty loving, because he has not sent a lightning to strike me with all my nagging, whining, rantings, anger, admiration to him....well..yet.

And sometimes,when I'm doing a 60km/hour on the left lane winding down in my car, I sing to Him...



I realized time and time again, I need to remember to love myself more, and that the only real relationship I'm ever going to have is with god, err...not in a nun sense of it though...