I hope you have a good listen to lyrics if not for the melody of this number from "The Phantom Of The Opera", otherwise, whatever I am about to write next would not carry any meaning to you.
It started with a question, "why are you so fussy about choosing a man to be your partner in life?" , posted to me by my long time friend who is worried that nearly 9 years after the death of my husband, I have not had a single decent relationship with any man, let alone re-marry.
I wonder if it was ever that easy to get a man you can get along with, let alone love, and miraculously, end up being married to the same guy. I found it difficult the first time around, and sadly, it gets more difficult the second time. Why? Simply because, over the years, I grew what romance dread as "basic common sense", and we all know that Oscar Wilde is right when he said, "Thinking kills romance".
That and the fact that,at this age, I am done looking for romance. Of course I enjoy the heat rush, the palpitations when our eyes lock, yadaaa yadaa..blah blah blah..(you can get the elaboration of "yadaa blah blah blah" in any lovey dovey romantic paperback or Romantic Comedy Movies)..but after sometime, it gets tiring and you know you long for the real thing. Now THAT'S when people run into trouble...when they crave for "the real thing".
Truth be told, the more older I get, the more annoying I find men. Not that I find women less annoying, especially the part where they would play "the game" and climb on top of each others' heads just to get the same man (and they keep saying women are smarter or even equal to men!!!)
I am 40plus and have had good relationships as well as bad ones. I do not regret any single one of them, because, good or bad, I learn something and become wiser, if not stronger at mind and heart. I realize something though. If you're looking for spending the rest of your life with a man in a bond called marriage, you don't have to go look for him. He will come to you in sweet serendipity, if destiny plans it that way. Trust me on this one.
But of course, if you have the energy for a roller coaster love ride, why not. After all, it can get a bit boring and lonely just sitting down and waiting for Mr Right For Each Other to walk into your life.
Back to "That's All I Ask Of You", the song is my conclusion of what I (and I'm sure most of us) look for in a relationship that may last as long as it lasts...I told a friend once that this will be my wedding song, if ever I am blessed with another chance. "It's suicidal", that's what she told me the song sounded like.
Ah well, marriage can sometimes be suicidal anyway. You just never know.
"Say you love me,
Every waking moment,
Turn my head with talk of summertime
Say you'll share with me
One love,
One life time,
Everywhere you go I will go too..
Love me,
That's all I ask of you"
Oh, since we're at it, here's a couple of things I'm asking from the Mr Right For Each Other,besides "love me", and I'm sure my sentiments are shared by many :
YOU are NOT;
- a philanderer
- out of job
- workaholic
- alcoholic
- politician
- commitment phobic
- mommy's son
and I'll think of something else as we go along.....
Well, I feel young, does that count?
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
That's All I Ask Of You....
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4 comments:
My problem was continuing to be a romantic, even into my fifties (yes 50s).
I say was because I married my love three years ago when I settled in Malaysia for good, well for now anyway.
Yes I do see this happening with people of both sexes - they become more self centred and unable to accept another's faults. That's so sad.
I noticed this inclination in myself too and I was lucky enough to get married before the condition became permanent.
Sadly this is not the case with many other people, and it is difficult to reverse once started - I have seen this in single friends in their 50s.
I wish you luck and say that if you truly do want a partner then first you have to look inside and see if you are being the right sort of person before you question if another is.....
Good hunting.
Thank you for your comment. It is possible to find someone and settle down for as long as it takes. I had that before hubby decided to die on me. Maybe for some of us, a second go would be even more difficult since the dead have the tendency to suddenly become perfect in our minds even though they may be assholes during their lifetime!!! And that is a standard set subconsciously in a widowers' minds,(or at least in mine).
Once you know what true love is, you kinda not want to settle for anything less...
To some extend, i agree with you that i need to look inside myself. But that's the problem. At 40plus, you already know who you are and do not need to be who you are not just to be in a relationship. So I guess, in a way, though occasional loneliness is the price you have to pay, it is still better to be in a relationship not for the heck of it, but because i have found the right one to be in it with. Am I making sense here? I dunno.
Fact is, it gets more difficult to find a life partner at later age, especially in Asian setting because, the "best men" are taken, the "leftovers" are either damaged psycologically and become commitment phobic, or just remain an unstable character so much so they cannot stand still and settle. It doesn't help that there are more women to men ratio, and the whatever minute men left would carry gays in the proportion(not that i have anything against gay men). Alas!! Ceis't La Vie!!
So, I guess to those who are already in a relationship, count your blessings, at times when you begin to take love for granted, remind yourselves to be grateful with what you have rather than what you don't, because,life is unpredictable and you may never get a second chance....
If you are happy with the way you are and the life that you are living that is great.
I can only sat that from my own perspective my wife has brought me things I was unaware of and my life has changed, probably for the better - certainly my life is different from how I had expected/planned when I came to Malaysia.
Maybe I need to have another person to be there for me, and maybe other people can be more self-sufficient. We are all different and have different needs.
I am lucky because I have not had to go through that trauma of the death of a spouse. I cannot imagine what that must feel like, nor what it must do to a person on a psychological level.
I was divorced and that was bad enough. It left me with many negative feelings, but each person is another unique individual and have their own ways and attitudes towards life, their own needs and wants.
It is a challenge to adjust your life to someone new, someone different - especially to a new religion and a new culture. It is a slow and gradual process which, I feel, never wholly ends.
Each day brings a new challenge and on some days it is harder than others, but then that is the risk you take when you open yourself up to another human being.
I wish you luck and I wish you well. I wish you what you would wish for yourself.
Loosing anyone, be it through death or otherwise, is definitely traumatising. Things end. I guess how we deal and adapt to that simple fact makes a whole lot of difference to us and the people around us. You are lucky to have been able to rebuild your life after the divorce.
Happy? I've been around long enough to comprehend that happiness comes from within,and one do not really have to have a partner to achieve happiness. Even those who are in happy marriages can experience unhappiness, and i'm not including those with bipolar disorders. It's when human forgot to be grateful, is when we start to allow feelings of "unhappiness" to get the better of us.
Of coz, no one wants to be alone, given a choice. It's human nature. But not everyone is blessed with that gift, perhaps due to their own journey that they have to learn something in life.
Along the way, men and women have evolved into complicated characters, based on life's experiences that conditioned us to become that way. It's a learning process. Complicated characters have problems finding spouses that they can be happy with. The price for being unique individuals most of us are now in this so called modern world is probabaly loneliness, to some extend.
Of coz if i find someone worthwhile standing still with, I would go for it. I haven't so far. There's no point brooding over it. And there is no point of being in a relationship just because it looks cool in society, like a handbag is to a woman or a Harley Davidson is to a man. It's tiring living in hipocrisy. Being alone and happy is quite a good option. The bright side of it is, I don't have to shave that often ;->
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