To romance or to Love Actually, is the question.....

A friend of mine asked me how do I know who is the right guy to marry, how I ended up marrying my husband. He is 40plus, never been married, (he may as well be gay) nor have a relationship that lasted more than 2 years..a toxic bachelor I believe is the general term.

Welcome to my world. I save lives. That's me. I save lives at work.(issuing MCs is kind of saving someone's life - the boss may kill him if he fails to make the deadline without being dead) I save the lives of toxic bachelors and bachelorettes after work. I wonder sometimes, with all the busy schedule, who's going to save mine?

I looked at him and ask him a simple question. " What are you looking for in life ?".
"What do you mean" was the answer, of which I expected. After all, the reason why the world is so screwed up today is because people do not know what they are looking for. I mean, look at George Bush Jr. He thought he knew what he was looking for in Iraq, and look how he's search hobby ended up.

"What are you looking for? Which part of the English you don't comprehend?". My sarcasms are what binds us together in this long platonic friendship. "I don't know...a smart girl who's good looking, and just nice boobs...", at which point I interrupted him,"Vokkkey...I got the picture. What is it about men and boobs anyway? It's no wonder Breast Surgeons drive posh cars and I have problems getting dates...".

I won't bother going into the next 15minutes of our conversation, most of it involved Dolly Parton's assets and my conspiracy theory that my father in law, who I truly adore, died not because of a massive heart attack, but suffocated in the arms of my mom in law's massive....oh..excuse me..I just got carried away, sorry.

Anyway, back to the topic of narration, I ask him,"Are you looking for love and romance, or are you looking for true love to live forever with?" He looked at me like I had just regenerated my hymen and said," Well all of it of course."

I returned him the same look, (we both know he had broken his virginity more frequent than the turnover of a cancer cells. It's amazing how some people can get away with philandering,unlike what they taught us in religious and medical school, I'm beginning to think that there is no god.) , and answered , "It's no wonder you are a toxic bachelor. You live in Bollywood."

The reason love stories exist is because they are surreal and hardly happen to anyone in the real life. So rare that they make it into movies. With such thirst for romance and true love to happen all at once, that is why Love Movies turn out to be Blockbusters. 'That is why, incidentally the movies a made in the first place. Should romance that ended up with a happy ever after, is a common phenomenon, then nobody would want to pay for seats and pop corns to go watch it, just stare out the window into the neighbour's house and watch romance and marriage happening simultaneously.

Come on!! I'm 40plus, formerly married, and I've never experience scenarios like turning my head around and bump into this gorgeous hunk and have the breeze blow through my hair at the exact moment our eyes locked. My hubby and I locked our eyes when I caught him cheating over a monopoly game we all played together at a gathering. The first time I set my eyes on him upon introduction by friends, my first impression was,"Yukh!!.Not my type!!".

Back to this romantic encounter,here's some reality check. I'd probably bump into this gorgeous guy and I'd be looking at him, while he would be busy checking whether his worked out muscles are well toned against the t shirt he was wearing, to even notice me. Even if our eyes locked, he'd probably look away immediately because he'd recognized that I was the doctor who had treated his Clamydia that he had gotten from some wild one night stand with a girl he picked up from Bangsar.(trust me, it had happened before. My love life is ruined because I am a doctor). These my dear friends, are stories of reality. I know. It bites.

So back to my poor toxic bachelor friend, I told him a few simple thing. What is he looking in a relationship? Is he looking for romance? Or is he looking for a lifetime partner?
If he's looking for romance, than,this is the easiest thing to do. Just go on out there as good as blindfolded, and fall in love with love. Get married, then divorce a couple of years down the line. I'm not being a pessimist. Go check the statistics of the rate of divorce hitherto. It's enough to make cupids opt for an early retirement.

But if you're looking for a soul mate, then start looking into her soul, and try to forget her boobs,at least for a while. He or she may not be as good looking as you painted in your imagination, the section in the brain that got you into this trouble in the first place.

I'm not being condescending to the good looking people out there. It'll be great if you could find someone who you like as a person and coincidentally, is good looking. Looks is not important by the way. It's just bonus. I don't know about you, but I've dated good looking guys and wonder, "is that all? come on...there must be something to back up that good looks. My heart can't pump this fast too long. I need something else to sustain this pace"

For me, I'm not looking for perfection. That's because nobody's perfect. I am looking for someone who is perfectly imperfect but perfect for each other. That was how I married my late husband. I saw his soul and he saw mine. Coincidentally, the sex was good too. So I guess, should he be alive today, I'd probably still have lots of fights with him, but it's only because we love each other very much.

One more thing. The trouble with us is we think we could choose who we love. Love is just love. We can love just about anyone. But when longevity is concern, can we imagine life without that love? That, should be a good start to finding our soul mates.

You must know yourself in order to know what you want in life. If you are looking for a soul mate to settle down with, then start with looking into her soul. Otherwise, ah well, there are plenty of people out there to have romances reinvented over and over, until the right one comes along.

Click here if you have the passion and patience to read more!!...

Dating A Recycled Man

Many people say that unless you have the energy for a relationship roller coaster, gamble and not know what will come out of it, feel free to get involve with a "recycled man". Okay, I'm not trying to be a feminist here. The reason why I am not addressing a "recycled woman", (there is a recycled man, ergo there will inevitably be a recycled woman, unless we are talking about paranormal relationships, of which I am not.), is simply because I have never dated one.

So who is this man branded as "recycled", you may wonder? Well, it's a term that has been going on longer than the time I first lost my virginity, and that was looooong time ago..He's a man who have had failed relationships, got hurt over and over,ergo, termed recycled. I know. We are all damaged and recycled goods, but hey, I'm just recycling the term that is already in the market.

Like I've said before, we're all recycled and damaged goods. It's just how we handle broken relationships that will differ us from becoming a heart breaker, or a person who picks himself up, shake off the blues and get back in the quest of searching for our soul mates.

We don't need soul mates you argue with me. Well, sorry honey, we do. We're humans and we are designed that way. If you don't think so, then you're still in denial. Anyway, most of us function very well in society, some even hold top posts yet, we walk around feeling powerful because we are in control of many people's lives, yet we can't seem to get a hold on ours. Some of us walk around looking with deceptive aura of supremacy that we carry along as we walk past the corridor of our offices, feeling hollow. Of course that is but another story.

It is okay if you are lucky enough to have that recycled man learn something out of the previous broken relationships. But we all know that most men grow old, they hardly grow up. So you'd be lucky if you are involved in one who is matured.


I've gotten involved with such a person. A recycled man. It was hard (in a non harlot aspect of it), because it gives the term "fly kites" a new meaning. It's like with him, I was pulling and tugging one minute, then I could sense that I have to loosen the grip on the string in order to let him fly away just a little bit, before the whole process of tugging is repeated.

You can see him struggling with his emotions. He gets uncomfortable with feeling comfortable with you. It's like it is his mission to not get close to anyone. If I observe close enough, he reminded me of Smeagol from The Lord of The Ring, strugging between two personalities, one let himself go to his emotions and learn to love again, the other, opposing this very idea. Lucky thing he did not look like Smeagol, otherwise the involvement would have never even started. Or perhaps it was actually unlucky.

Actually, on second thoughts, no relationships be it bad or good is unlucky because you will learn something when it is over. That would make you more experienced and help you choose better in the next relationships (well, until you find the right on of course to spend the rest of your life with.). Even if you don't know what you're looking for, you'd definitely know by now what you ARE NOT looking for, so it kind of narrows the search spectrum, until one day, you will find yourself not looking at all because the spectrum had gotten so narrow and you have become so choosy that there is no one left to date...heh..heh...Kind of like what I'm going through right now. It's a nice feeling actually. I'd rather be alone rather than living in a lie, or simulated "happiness" when you get in a relationship for the heck of it. It's all or none law for me, yessirreee...

He is a divorcee. Now, there is a difference between dating a divorcee and dating a widow. The later will make you find yourself in constant competition with the late spouse. She'd be the most kind human being on earth when she is dead, even though she use to be the wife from hell when she was alive. Her death would automatically turn her into this angel in his mind. A divorce may think that you are his ex every time both of you get into a fight. Either way, you are seen as somebody else, other than yourself.

Truth be told, a recycled man is like this unstable atom that had been discharged and on it's way to looking for that next proton or electron to stabilize himself again. In the process of stabilizing, you may get repelled or worse, used and then chucked aside like that last rag you put outside your toilet door, yes, the one you wipe your feet as you are on the way out of the loo. Nothing wrong with that if you're in it for the ride actually. But if you're not, then you'd get hurt. Just like I did.

When should you date a recycled man? When he's out of that commitment phobic phase and had realized that everything in life ends, sooner or later. It's just too bad that it ended up sooner for them. But life has to go on and he will heal, albeit how he heeled depends on how he wants to do so, or whether he wants to heel at all. If he had decided to be wreckless about relationships, then any woman he encounters and decided to get close on the way to his personal healing, may suffer, should, may I reiterate, the woman is looking for the real thing, not just a fling. Otherwise, than I guess it's okay.

Nobody wants to be be a widow or a divorcee or to be alone. But we all know that there are certain things in life that one cannot fully control, even for a control freak for that matter. That is when you know God exists. But we are granted the gift of choice. We can make choices to either hurt people or just don't, when we take a step into the journey of recovering our lives. I believe in Karma. Also known as Qada' and Qadar. Just like how things will end, sooner or later, what goes around will come around, sooner or later......

To all the recycled men and women out there, it is okay to hurt and get back into the game if you still have the energy. We're only human and there is this journey in life we and only we alone will have to take. It's called destiny. Hurting is part of the process. That's when we grow and learn. But try not to hurt others while on your own journey towards recovery...... Because Karma lurks out in one of those corners. Do not underestimate the power of good communication.. Only with effective, honest communications, one may spare the other, the hurtful feelings. Because via communication and honesty, one can understand why the other have to end things.....Like I said before, things end. It's how you handle it that will make the difference...
Click here if you have the passion and patience to read more!!...

Women Rule!!! Men just don't know it..

Notice how, in a relationship, or in a marriage, women get away with getting away with what they want? Women almost always get their way, at the end of any argument long as it is with a man . It's just a matter of time, or whether the male counterpart realizes it or not, or how long it takes for him to realize it. The sooner the better. That is why the male have a so called feminine side of them. It is a backup excuse in case they can't win a fight. Women will just say, "get in touch with your feminine side" to salvage a male's ego, and the male would take it as a gentle passage out of an argument. Frankly, who wants men to be in touch with their feminine side. The reason why women fancy men is because they are not feminine. Otherwise, we may as well be a lesbians, if we're looking for feminity, and it'll be one "head" less to worry about malfunctioning or misbehaving.

Trust me. Anyone who is and had been married to any woman would know that it is crucial to keep her happy. An unhappy woman has nothing to loose. A person with nothing to loose is a dangerous person. So can you imagine how dangerous an unhappy woman can be?

We almost always get our way. Men think they rule. That is because we women allow them to think that way. We have got the art of making men feel they won the battle, while we silently gleam at our actual victory. What can I say, it is but an art. That is why I guess gay marriages are called "gay". Both partners are happy because none of them are female and not much arguments involved in ascertaining who wears the pants in the house ( because both do, unless well, when they don't ). In straight marriages, men wears the pants but we women have the talent to determine the type and color of pants worn, or in some cases, on what day should each pants be worn. Women are cunning creatures and want their way most of the time. That is why I will never be in a lesbian relationship.

My daughter got this from god knows where, "The men are the head of the household. Women are the neck, we determine which direction the head points towards". It's one of the best kept secret of longevity of marriage. The women makes the men think that they are in charge. As long as men think that, then women can rule insidiously in peace. Otherwise, the marriage will just feel long.
Click here if you have the passion and patience to read more!!...