The smartest of women...

On my way to work today, I stopped to allow a family of Arabs to cross the road. It wasn't a zebra crossing or anything like that, but I saw that the couple had 3children and a baby in a whatever it is they call it today; we use to call it "Pram". I noticed that the husband was slightly ahead of his wife, who was pushing the pram and was with two daughters, whilst the he was with a boy held in one hand, and a bag on the other. It was not a narrow lane and I was on the right side of the it.

As I stopped, I notice the cars on the left did not, well, not many cars, the man could have crossed the road if he had wanted to. But he didn't. He just stood there, looking like he's waiting for oil to spring out of the earth. So there I was, stagnant in the middle of a junction, with MJ's "Beat It" keeping me company, which I find kind of ironic, given the situation I was in at the time, waiting for Adam's family to cross. (Come to think of it, that song, “Didi” , you know, the Arabic song that goes Didi here and Didi there and Didi all throughout the song, which I don’t comprehend anyway, except for the word Didi which I presumed is the lover’s name, is much more ironic should it be played while they were crossing the road). Actually, I was rather urging them to cross after feeling frustrated that the husband did not make the move to do so, so I had to give him the hand gesture, an international language understood by most, apart from the middle finger International Sign Language understood by all, to "cross the goddamn road cause I'm going to be late if I wait for you, dammit".

Suddenly there was movement going on with the man and he managed to get himself right in front of my car, waiting for the car on the left side, that by the way was about 50meters behind, as I caught a glimpse of the Toyota going on a speed slightly faster than that of the donkey cart's, to pass through. The man managed to cross after the Toyota passed by, but the wife stood there, in full splendor of the black hijab, with the baby in the pram and the two girls, probably aged 6-7 years, they look like they belong to the same ages, (they probably have not heard of the word 'gap your pregnancy' in all the excitement to propagate forth, to a nation of quantity, but don't know about the quality), who are by now excited to cross the road, after seeing that the father was already at the other side of the pavement.

The two kids, after receiving the signal to cross from the dad, gladly did so, but by the time they did, another car was forced to stop for them (well, the driver should have had half the common sense to stop for pedestrian voluntarily right?). Now, there were two cars in the middle of the road, waiting for Royal Ninja-ness to push the pram to cross the road, yet still, she hesitated, which left me irritated. Hello!! Do you expect your hubby cross the road and come get you to cross together? Or what then? Permission to move? Finally when she crossed the road, much to the relief of all, (not so much for them but for rather relieved for ourselves)to not be tipped off our schedules), life resumed.

Don't get me wrong, although there were no crossings to indicate the cars should stop for pedestrians, (does it make any difference with the Malaysian drivers, even if there were?), it seemed ethical to do so, and I strongly believe that the cars on the left should have stopped for the kids at least. But to not be able to cross a simple road without the help of your man, now, that is pathetic indeed. And don't let me start on that husband of hers, who could have taken the two daughters along with him when he first crossed the road. What is he? The King of England, and all women including children should walk 1 meters behind him?

It makes me feel so blessed indeed, upon looking at how that Arab lady was unable to do a simple thing like crossing the road all by herself, without becoming a nuisance by stopping traffic. I feel grateful that I am born a Muslim woman in Malaysia, rather than any other "Islamic country" that ironically seem to ignore the very essence of the reason why Islam is brought down upon them in the first place; that is to battle any form of oppression, and declare every soul as equal beings regardless of gender, color, culture and whatever it is that humans are fond of categorizing themselves, just to have a sense of belonging, or perhaps merely a victim of politicians' divide and rule policy.

I have mixed feelings when it comes to Arab women. I can't make out whether they are smarter in the sense that, unlike us, the "modern women", they don't need to bloody drive to work in an hour that is more suitable to roll around in bed entertaining our laziness, or just trapped in their culture. Let me not start on the traffic jam, if women were to drive to work slightly later. Or should I just envy them for being able to play that "oh, dear gawwwwd, aaah've just drop maah handkerchief" stunt and play the men by making them work like the dog only to have their women, who sit around all day long enough to even have time to watch their in-growing toe nail growing the wrong direction, spend it all lavishly.

Frankly, I think some of the Asian women, especially Malay women, are the least smartest amongst women. We let our men bully us by letting ourselves believe in the crap the Uztaz and Ustazah sell about,"women can go to work provided they do not neglect their households". This translated to women going to work, coming back and work as a maid if the family is unable to afford an actual maid, ergo contributing to the family in the sense of money as well as hard labor, which by the way, includes "entertaining the husbands past the kids' bedtime", (I consider having sex when one is exhausted is labour)

These women, are lucky if the husbands are able to locate where in their houses, the kitchen is situated. Some husbands may even get lost and end up in the maids' rooms on the way to the kitchen that they cannot locate. I've heard stories, even husbands suddenly developing "sleep walk to maid's room" syndrome without prior history of any sleepwalking during childhood.

And we look at the Arab women, feeling pity for them, just because they are made to wear something that hides all of god's beauty, and not able to drive nor go to work, or to have their own minds, let alone voice them. Just to digress a little, my Yemeni friend, Ali, back in college once told me that he got into trouble once with his mom for whistling at her, of course not knowing he was whistling at his own mother who just came back from the market. I mean, it’s not his fault either, except for the whistling, which I blame the hormones, because all Yemeni women are clad in black hijab. I smile when I recall Ali. He was a real joker, which is rare for an Arab. He once told me that he want to get married to four beautiful women, all from different races, so that even when they get angry with each other, none understood each other due to language barrier, so that will keep everyone, especially him, happy. Only he can get away with polygamy jokes that Ali…But we must remember, the Arab women may laugh at us, thinking how stupid we all are to let our men manipulate us in the name of Women's Liberation, have us do almost everything for them, running around like fools. It works both ways...

On the other hand, perhaps our lives may not be perfect, but we have what is called a choice to be independent. Unlike women,however, men do are not blessed with the same choice. Men, have no choice but to be independent and work, whether they like it or not. I'm not so sure where does all this womanly independence will get us, after all, those dependent Arab women still end up the same place we independent women brag to end up in,which is the shopping mall, and they do not have to sweat for the money they spent.(let the men think they are all macho, work like the dog and spend all their money....who's smarter eh?).

A point worth noting though; independent or otherwise, women however, need to be educated. An educated home-maker, (which incidentally is my dream job that could never really materialize), for instance, produces smarter off springs, if of course she spends quality time with the children. Imagine if a wife is totally dependent on the husband, and is not educated. What fate lies for here should, god forbidden, anything happens to the husband.

Independent or otherwise, I guess it depends on what makes a woman happy. However, it is safe to say that independent women, although sometimes secretly wish that they are having a fab time like the Arab ladies,(the part where they get money without having to lift a finger) have one thing that we seem to take for granted, but is very important for a human being to possess; it is called self value, err, not that those not working don't have it, it's just the independent women have more of it I guess. You do not have to kiss butt feeling unhappy about it, in order to sustain your own life. If you depend too much on men, you need to gulp your pride a lot too, and put up with their crap, and by god we all have lived long enough to note that most men are so full of crap. I don't know about you, but that reason is good enough for me....


Click here if you have the passion and patience to read more!!...

Shari's Lists..........

I have a list. Not as Blockbuster movie worthy kind of list such as the "Schindler's List" but hey, it's mine. Whilst Schindler may have saved lives with that list, mine would probably save some women, their sanity. I may be saving women from themselves, and from certain type of men. When someone goes shopping, he/especially-she will prepares a list, so that upon entering the shopping complex, the potent combination (to increase debt or spending unnecessarily) of ginormous distraction posed by the luring material displays and one's desire to own just about everything ( I believe a shorter description is "greed"), may still be entertained but not at the expense of loosing the main purpose of coming into the shopping mall in the first place. You need a list, to execute the job effectively and minimize time consumption.

The same goes with dating. You need to have a checklist of criterion to further shortlist the very short list anyway, of available men left on planet earth to date. (if your age is say, above 40). Unless we manage to find intelligent life forms in an unearthly planet somewhere out there, where incidentally where all the truth lies, then I have bad news for you ladies, "the list IS short", especially when your prime criterion is "intelligent". With a list as a guideline, you will never again waste your time on unsuitable candidate. The time wasted on worrying whether he'd call back is best used to say, increase the number of clean underwear in the wardrobe by having the extra time cleaning them (vicious cycle this one) instead of lying around listening to the Michael Bolton wailing "Tell me how am I suppose to live without youuuuuu", hoping that every time the phone rings, it would be him, telling you,"I've just left my wife".

It's a list, a checklist to be precise, of courting. I’m not talking about the checklist that checks whether you’ve shaved your legs or such, no, I’m talking about criterion checklist. Yes,. it's a checklist on who I'd go out with or not. This did not happen when I was younger (and probably more fun to fall in love with) because I did not bother with the checklist. My first, no, second date ended up with a relationship that lasted about 6 years. My first date was an arranged meeting with my distance cousin, and the "relationship" lasted for only 3 months. My mother was more devastated than I was with the break up. I had two little flings somewhere between my second date and my third, who turned out to be my hubby. When you are the career orientated type, and young, chasing after your ambition, basically you don't really have the time to date, so a list was quite unnecessary. And boy those days were fun. It was 3 years after my husband's death, that I began dating again. And the dating game seemed more complicated and tough, since I left it a decade ago, because, I now know what it feels like to be in a meaningful relationship, and something in the game of love began to change. It's called "being selective".

You see, when you're older and hopefully wiser, you've suddenly developed something that is potent in killing romance , it's called "thinking". You actually stop to think before committing to any relationship and basically, that's what thinking does, it kills romance, I have to agree with Oscar Wilde. So, you end up in this vicious cycle of hesitating to submit to romance, because you think too much and in the end, that thinking took too much time and it killed the moment, and even perhaps the potential romance. It is simply because we have past the age of looking for just romance. We've come to value the longevity of a relationship regardless of where it may end up. Taking the risk and jumping into a relationship with you eyes closed, which seemed natural when we were young, now seem to get you into this tiring emotional turmoil, and you act like a child who would hesitate upon just learning that the fire is hot and can actually burn your fingers.

Unless you've been a hermit prior to reaching peri-menopausal ages, then you'd have no idea of how time can get wasted if you don't have a list. When a woman ages ( I don't know about men, I've never been a man before) we have lost the ability to tolerate rubbish, and trust me, some men can be real rubbish. I'd rather for instance, sit and write something, or read, or even pull my armpit hair whilst listening to the mentally and audio-torturous dangdut music, rather than having to go out on a date with a guy who, say, is someones husband, because you know that it's a bloody waste of time. Why do you think most men find younger women exciting and fresh, and older women cynical and boring? Because older women "knows" and their tricks won’t work on experienced women, we can read them like the back of our hands. He farted and you will know what was the last content of his food, so to speak.

When I say date, I don't mean going out as just friends. I meant going out with the intention of having a relationship if both can at least tolerate each other enough to give relationship a try. In fact, when someone asks me out on a date, the very first question I'd ask would be, "Are you married?". Because I just don't go out with a married man, period, no matter how soon he claims that he's going to leave his wife. (Trust me, I've seen many cases whereby men date on the excuse of "miserable in life and about to leave his nasty wife", the women end up crying on my consultation couch, whilst the men who were about to leave the wives, took their wives to places like Paris to break off with them, only to come back and give another dumb excuse to delay the divorce. How soon this pattern ends, depends on how soon the women develop wisdom. Don't fall for that one girls)

I have two lists in fact. It's just an example of how a list can be made. If you're happy being alone, it's alright really, it's better to be happy alone than to be miserable in a relationship. One list, is the checklist of people I'd go out with the quality that I like, the other is the guys I won't even consider going out with, at all. Trust me, when you have aged and have a had a couple of failed relationships, not to mention a couple of rubbish ones in between, just to get you to the failed ones, before you finally get to "the one", even if you don't know what you're looking for, you will be sure as hell, know what you're not!!!

The former however, becomes shorter than the latter as time goes by. The first list gets shorter because, well, since I don't date married man, and most of the good men are taken (or don't have the balls to leave their wives no matter how miserable they appear to be in the marriage, they'd rather hurt others by cheating and philandering), and well, I don't mind dating men who are younger than me, which I have by the way, (but I guess the problem lies in my being slightly matured for my age and we all know that men grow old, but hardly grow up)., so, I guess the list is extremely short because of lack of supply of good available men, left for you to date. If you think things cannot get even more impossible, some men suddenly decided to become gay. I don't really care if they do, I have long past the days when I judge, it's their prerogative, but it's just a pity that the gays are the almost perfect men!!!

I mean, how can you compete with a gay for the same man, you tell me. You can't even tell that man you're after, "What has he got that I don't have?" because hello...how can you compete for a guy with a gay when you don't have a dick AND a hole in one package!!! Naah, just pulling a fast one. I think gay men make the best women pals because unlike the macho men wanabes with mostly, their ego that are bigger than their love tool, gay men understands women. And there is no competition, because gay men do not go after straight guys. So there you go..who say men and women cannot be the best of friends because the sex will get in the way?

So, anyway, here's my list of guys I don't even consider going out with. I'll list it as an example, for ladies out there who just don't have the time to put up with rubbish. You can come out with your own. Remember, this list is applicable for those who have had enough with putting up with rubbish. For those who still have the energy to jump with their eyes closed, and have the freakin' time, by all means, don't make a list!!!

(Click the link below if you have the passion and the patience to read on!!)

I'll start with the one list of men I won't even consider going out wit in no particular order (very Putrajaya indeed), because it's a shortcut to short-listing the probably non existing list of eligible men to have a decent relationship with.

1. Married men. I mean, unless you are totally desperate so much so you don't mind destroying a family not to mention the children's happiness, really, is there a point? Even if you manage to get him out of his marriage, break a home, marry him, one question shall haunt you forever, "will he do the same to me as he did his wife? Leave me for another woman. After all, he's done it before, break the trust of his former wife, he can do it again". You will forever not trust your newly owned husband and you will forever feel insecure, and jump the moment you see him talking to another woman, because you and you alone know what he is capable of when it comes to cheating. Do yourself a favor and answer this question, "Is that the happily ever after that you're looking for? A marriage not based on trust?"
I was asked out on a date a couple of times by married men,(trust me, the most eligible men in KL are the married ones) and when they answered my first question, whether they were single or married, I heard “I’m married, but errr…..”, I lost them at “err….”. Beyond “err…” lies all the insignificant details no one, except his wife, need to know or even listen. They can go on and on babbling, I’d keep very quiet and listen, but nothing really registers, since what went on in my mind was Nat King Cole’s song , “Fly right” , you know, the part when he said, “your story seem so touchy but it sounds just like a lie”. Then, upon finishing what he wants to say, I told them straight to their faces, “I don’t date married men”. When they come out with lines to convince me that it is okay, I just smiled and repeat the same mantra, “I don’t date married men, no point becoming just friends now, since I’m not comfortable with knowing you wanted more in the first place”…Astalavista baybe…….Well, even when they are not lying, would you want to be with someone who have the tendency to solve a problem, by creating a new one? It’s lame, I know….


2. Workaholics. Basically, when you marry a workaholic, you're automatically the second wife, unless you don’t mind sharing. Unfortunately, I’m an Aries, and Arians are forever a child, we need attention. Cut of the attention supply, we die. Most women who married workaholics are either more in love with the lifestyle these men can provide, rather than loving the men themselves, or love them tremendously to the point of stupor and have the patience to become understanding for the time he stood her up for the 55th time because he had to go golfing, or clubbing, in order to close a deal. Err...you need to have a man in the relationship, in order to have...a relationship, because you need to "relate" to each other, get it? relate-relationship?

3. Men who are just bad....not Michael Jackson's "Bad" but badder than bad. These are the people who'd kill, swindle, etc in order to gain power and wealth. Hmm..no wonder I have never dated politicians. My cousin tried to set me up, behind my back, with this diplomat, Malay guy, UMNO. He thought that just because he's got that fancy car and that fancy job and that fancy face, he could have any women he wanted. Maybe he did, but that was before he met me, and until I sent him off with what looked like his balls in his neck.( it's a talent, I call "intimidate", have coffee with me someday and I'll tell you all about it). I know my cousin meant well, but I felt secretly insulted, that she thought I'd be desperate enough to settle for a lame character. Needless to say, she never pulled any of her matchmaking stunt again. I know, even mafias marry. Well, notice why people make movies about the mafia, not their wives? It's because no one wants to watch a movie full of sadness from the beginning to the end....

4. Philanderers or playboys. Need I say more? You may say, “Oh, he sleeps around and is a playboy because he has not found the right one for him”. Trust me, 99% of philanderers and playboys will never find “the one” because “the one” is this perfect creature than cannot exist in one whole being, instead, only be made possible to exist in a form of “one in 5”. If you think that you can get to the 1% without having to go through at least 99% of the 99%, I suggest you reopen your Mathematics book, the chapter on "Kebarangkalian". By the way, people don’t change. They may think they do, and perhaps they may, for a while, until all that adrenalin of “love or lust at first sight, whatever”, wears off, and he’s off hunting again. It’s a game to them really. They’re not looking for “the one”. Like the adrenalin junkies, they’re looking for the excitement of romance and the getting away with cheating , like a Kleptomaniac.

5. Gamblers. A gambler is like a philanderer or playboy, only their romance is with chance. Notice that I did not put gamblers along with #3? That's because a gambler is not a bad man, rather, just have problems with self control, and they do not hurt others intentionally.

6. Megalomaniacs. I dated one a couple of years back, and it’s tiring just listening to how great he can be all day long. It’s a total put off. Who cares about how great you are, because if you really are, it’ll shine through somehow, and you don’t need to point it out. Hmm..maybe that is why I’ve not dated someone short lately…then again, I’ve always have this thing about men taller than me. A primal need to feel protected maybe, or just a victim of teenagers’ love paperbacks who put this idea of the perfect men as “tall dark and handsome”. I married one by the way…but the handsome part is debatable…if you think Ajev Devgan is cute, then my my hubby was handsome. To me, he’s good looking from the inside. It shined through. He use to buy the whole “pisang goreng” from the makcik by the roadside in the kampong where we were stationed, plus the bananas that was not cooked yet, to make sure the makcik was able to go home because it was getting dark and she was stubborn to continue selling. No, we did not constipate that week, because the bananas and the goreng pisang was distributed to our neighbours that evening.

7. Perverts. I especially hate it when they ask, “Do you sleep with your kid on the same bed?”. My my, jumping the gun aren’t we? I’d play along and say, “we come from a family who are independent in nature, and we begin with sleeping alone since childhood”, which is true by the way, but I just say it to make myself feel better, because, he’s gone after that.

8. Liars, pathological or not. This category of men may be able to get away with more than a couple of dates, until he gets caught. But, he will, because the truth will prevail sooner or later. If you are oblivious, then more likely later than sooner. I don’t mind white lies, but pathological liars are bad news. I’d rather sleep with the loudest snorer than a liar. At least, snores just deprive you from sleep, which you can replace later in the afternoon siesta. Lies deprive you of the truth, and to portray the ability for empathy.

9. Invertebrates. Men without backbones. Mommy’s son falls under this category, well, not all, but most. Or men from wealthy background whereby their parents hold them by the balls; weapon being the inheritance. Or men in general, who just cannot make their own decisions, even a bad one. I want a man. If I had wanted a kid to help make decisions for them, I’d get one. Oh wait!! You need a man for that, what a bummer. Oh well, at least not a man who’s developmentally retarded in the spinal sense of it.

10. Narrow-minded men. If I were to be a lesbian, then narrow minded women. Men, who think that women exist in this world to serve them for example, would sometimes pretend that they are okay with your being independent during courting time. The moment you tie the knot, then suddenly they will start to demand that the “Raja Sehari” status be extended forever, and try to decapitate you out of your freedom wings, and your right to be an individual. Suddenly, you are his subject and you must change to fit his life. This happens a lot with Malay men. I’ve seen couples hooked up after they met in places like the pubs and had a great time courting, but when they are married, suddenly, the girl was made to cover her head and stuff, just to make his mother happy. (she might as well marry the mother in law). For God’s sakes, the reason why you fell in love with each other in the first place was because you were being you. How the hell will they continue loving each other if they are forced to change into someone else?. It’s like you have to fall in love with a new partner all over again. Change can only happen from within, by the person's freewill. Even God grants us the freedom of will, to a certain extent. For this type of men, I say “Hatttttccchoooooo!!!” , stay away as any allergens that instigates allergy need to be…in a land far… far…. away.

I’m sure our parents did not spend all those time loving and caring for us, break their backs to put us through education process so as to give us away completely to some strangers known as the In Laws. That was why I’ve hardly, dated any Malay men. (and the ones I probably accidentally dated, kept reminding me, why I did not date Malay men in the first place). And needless to say, Malay men stay away from me because they cannot stand the idea that a woman can be more smarter, wiser then them, or worst, a smart mouth like me!!!. Basically, it’s to do with the big fat ego. Can’t blame them really, they were brought up to believe that men are superior then women. Malay women like me, comfortable with being independent yet capable of loving someone without being clingy at the same time, just intimidates them to the point of them being insecure. A total piss off. Honestly, if you want to win a heart of most of the Malay men out there, just pretend you’re stupid-er than them, become "gadis ayu" or just cover your head even though it’s not a requirement by God (I have nothing against those who cover their heads, it's their prerogative, it's the insistence that those who do not cover their head to do so, when nothing is stated in the Quran is what pisses me off. Here, read THIS if you have interest in finding out more), in short, learn how to be a hypocrite. (Of course unless if you are comfortable thinking that you are stupider than men, or some second class citizen, or perhaps comfortable at being a hypocrite, then kindly disregard my previous statement. Go ahead and be happy…after all, ignorance can be a bliss). If you can manage that for the rest of the marriage, then, both will have a happily ever after ending, never mind how much Prozak the woman swallows just to keep the marriage alive.

Furthermore, even from my younger days, I hardly have guy pals, who are Malays because they tend to “perasan” that any gal who comes in proximity of 10meters in diameter near them, is because she’s going to try and trap them into a marriage. Frankly, when it comes to most Malay men,(take note the word “most” attached prior to the word “Malay”), I don’t know whether to use my normal friendly tone, or just to ignore them completely, because if you become a little extra friendly, like dare crack some dirty jokes with them, many tend to get the wrong idea, like it’s a sign that you’re interested to jump into their pants…puuuuhleeeeezzzz…..or if you ignore them, then you become “sombong or berlagak”. I prefer to be called the latter. I married a Punjabi for God’s sakes!! hellllllooooo…at least he appreciated me for what I am and even made me more independent. ( a cibhai guy pal of mine, that’s Chinese mix with Bhai by the way, told me “once you kena kari, you tak boleh lari”….LOL!!! I guess that is a Malaysian version of “Once you go black, you will never turn back”…I can go on with this rubbish I tell you…)

11. A pussy. If I wanted to have a relationship with a pussy, I might as well start dating women and decrease my probability of staying home alone on a weekend since statistics shows that women outnumbered men. Obviously this was what men prayed for on mass prayers, since the last century. We women were busy fighting over men, when all we could have done a couple of centuries ago, was to pray for more men than women. Polyandry could have been the trend today, otherwise… ah well, …..could have, would have but didn’t…so don’t go around avowing that women are smarter than men when it comes to relationships.

12. A lazy bum. No need explanation for that right? Garfield characters are best left to read on comic strips, not to have a relationship with let alone marry. Besides, making love would be boring...

13. Men who had just gone through a divorce. It's like dating Smeagol from Lord Of the Ring. One day you're his "precious" (accompanied by the heavy breathing) and the next day he'll be withdrawn and alienated and left you wondering what happened to "precious". Unless you're killing time and while waiting, don't mind dating "The Rest" while waiting for "The One", or have time for another emotional roller coaster ride, then go ahead, be my guest. Otherwise, stay away from Smeagol until he's gotten over his ex completely.

14. Drunkards. Because drunkards have the tendency to commit attrocities and you'll be sucked into this warp of dramatic life...most of them involving anti anxiety and sleeping tablets to keep you going.

15. Ongoing list. Keeping it open to add more through experience. Kind of my “Keep In View” list, that potentially someday make dating almost impossible. So far, the potentials in this list are; politicians – specifically from UMNO, golf-maniacs (it’s bad enough that I’m a widow to a man I love, I ain’t gonna be a Golf Widow too), any maniac for that matter,

As for the checklist of people I’d go out with, .wait, .let me rephrase that, people who are still single, available, not gay and not looney, which incidentally happen to be very scarce but not to the point of extinction,...yet..... that I would consider going out on a date would be;

1. A good soul, someone who is rich with humility and humanity and kind. (The human pool available to date gets smaller.)

2. Spiritual and righteous and have the balls to stand up for his beliefs. Very shaggidalic, yeah, bayybee….I can never be with someone who don’t believe in the existence of god, because that would mean that he doesn’t believe a large part of me.

3. A potential good companion with whom I can have good conversations, doesn't have to be smart conversation all the time...(suddenly Billy Joel's song gave tinnitis to my ears with those words," I don't need clever, conversations"....). Plus point would be one who can make me laugh. (The human pool is slowly coming to a size of extinction). I once left a date in a middle of a date because I got bored with listening to him talking about himself. When I tried to change the subject to something general, he somehow rather brought it back to him, and how he saved some lives who were lost in the jungle (yeah, a Singaporean lost in tertiary jungle, big deal. They can even get lost just following Malaysians signboard). I excused myself to the ladies, called my friend up, told her to fake an emergency and call me before I become the first person to die from a boring conversation. I know…. it’s lame.

4. Someone who portrays the ability to empathize, who’d understand that when a woman whines, she’s not looking for a specific solution, but just wanted a shoulder to cry on. A foot massage would make me fall in infatuation instantly.

5. Someone low keyed. I don’t enjoy much attention and value privacy like it’s oxygen (privacy, yeah, that explains this article…). Let me rephrase that; I enjoy physical privacy. I hate making small conversation, even if my job turned me into a good small-conversationist, if such a word exists.

6. Someone who have a job, an honest one. It doesn’t matter what, as long as he’s not unemployed. Men who are not happy with his life especially with his work, let alone with unemployment, will never be happy in any relationship. I don’t want to date an unnecessarily unhappy man.

7. It's an ongoing list.

Don't get me wrong, look not for the perfect man; for such a man or a woman for that matter, does not exist...because, nobody IS perfect......the perfect-for-each-other would be a great start....

N.B Because of this list, I have now live a life of a hermit. Oh, but don't feel sorry for me because it's by choice. Let's just say, I've been there and done that and frankly, I'm jaded. It occurred to me, that when I first met my husband, I did not even have to work on it. I was in a relationship with my boyfriend, ex boyfriend, and was hanging out with this guy pal pouring my heart about love and life, (innocently thinking he was just there for me as just friends, until he started sending me roses when I told him I fancied my late husband!! He's a Malay by the way..who's to know what goes on inside a Malay men's head..they like to wait the last minute don't they?) when our destiny crossed each others' paths. Only for the reasons that I will know, and God of course, I took an unlikely path and it accidentally bumped into his. The rest was history. I shouldn't be proud of this, but I left my then boyfriend (in a good way, complete with closure) who was already a full fledge doctor, and hooked up with my hubby instead, who was still struggling to pass his final year exams. How can I explain the strange thing called serendipity and destiny? The answer is, I can't. Neither will I attempt to. If I were to do it all over again, knowing that I'd be a widow today, I'd still pick my husband.

The beautiful thing about being a human being, is that we have something to get us going and it's called "hope". Who knows, I may get lucky again and fate has it that I stumble into the path of another "the one".(judging by the list...I think God has to intervene.heh..heh....well,it wont' be the first time.). I'm not hopeless, just hopeful. .
Do listen in to the lyrics, they're beautiful..


In the meantime, there are other beautiful things in life, awaiting to be embraced..



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Bra-ssure ah?

I hate buying brassieres!! It's mentally traumatizing and self esteem wrecking, well, at least to me. The stressful fact that my existing bra needed replacement…. yet again, could instigate a series of hormonal changes in my already failed to defy gravity body, resulting in zits that made my face look like a teenager, inconsistent with the theme of the rest of my body which is joining the rest of the Muslim country in Malaysia and The Club of Doom. It's not like my breasts had grown a size bigger. In fact, I secretly suspect that I may be the world’s first undiagnosed female, who have a polymastia/accessory breasts/or in laymen's term; THE THIRD BREAST , and probably the first to have the fourth one without actually having the first two... I read somewhere though, "this is the age when we finally get our head together, only to have the rest of the body falling apart". Well, at least I have one thing less to sag...then again, how can they sag when technically, they don't exist?

This is my dilemma. I take after my father, the flat chested part included in the package; how inconvenient. Let me put it to you this way; when others say they are worried about the small lumps they’ve discovered in their breasts, I worry about the small lumps on my chest are actually the breasts. Anyway, a friend suggested a push up bra, a maximizer apparently it's called. I try them on, and discovered that in order to look good in a push up bra, you need to have breasts for the bra to have something to push up. So, let me run you through with this; for your breasts to look good, you need a push up bra. To be able to use a push up bra however, you need to have a good size breasts. Therefore, if you are flat chested, you’re busted…in a non-busty sense of it. Indeed, it is but a vicious cycle. Oh joy, another potential topic for the Discovery Channel.

And why the hell women need to use a bra in the first place?!! Some tribes in Africa are happily moving around with their boobs dangling like they’re lunch boxes, which technically, is what they are. A twin set of lunch boxes to be precise. After all, if all women go around half naked - the upper half naked, just to be exact, then men would get used to looking at those dangling boobs and well, they won’t be ummm.. “moved” by them after some time. It’s just human nature really; they get excited when things aren’t accessible to them. Look at doctors for instance. Breast examination could actually embarrass the doctors rather than the patients. Gynaecologists be another example; when you bump into them in the hallway,chances are, they may not even recognize you, until you lie down on the examination table and they take a look at your “gateway to procreation” only then they may greet you, “Oh hello Mrs So and So, nice to see you again”. It’s a form of patient identification method rather than a sexual object really.

Why do you think the Arabs make their women wear the Hijab. It gives them prolong and never ending excitement. First, get excited with those lovely pair of eyes. When eyes don't excite no more, then the nose is next, the cheeks then…. by the time they get to see the hair (which would probably be the last thing to see because basically, covering the hair is given prime importance in Islam – never mind if you don’t wear underwear for convenience of the “thou shalt propagate forth” ), they would have gotten old and exhausted.

Then there's the line of comfy cotton teenage bra, (how sad, I’ve resolved to that) but alas! They do not have them in skin color. They have all the fancy designs in bright colors which made me wonder, aren't bras suppose to remain not just Victoria’s secret but secret of all women too?



What next, a sequel to Wonder Woman whereby she wears not only her underwear over her tights, but also her bra over her shirt? Oh wait…she did that already, redefining undergarment. In fact, she just wore the bra…probably in a haste all the time to save everyone's day, no time to put a shirt on . Hmm…maybe that was how Wonder Woman got her name…from Wonder Bra..
Sometimes I wonder, why bother with the bra. Flat chested women should just go around wearing that Pagoda Singlet…why bother hiding something that’s not there anyway.

So, why is buying brassieres traumatizing for some women again?, or perhaps it’s just for me. I don’t know about the others but for me, getting a bra is as tough as getting a man. You need something that is supportive, protective, reliable, trustworthy, comfortable, sexy and close to your heart. But unlike men, brassieres you can buy….
(don't bother clicking onto the link below...post ends here...it's a technical error of which I have yet to correct..after i do my brassiere shopping..sigh..)
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"When Harry Shagged Sally..."

I was doing 90km/hr on the highway, just cruising along on a snoozy Sunday afternoon when I decided that I have had an overdosed of zen from "The Phantom of the Opera" sound track, and changed the mode back to 89.9. No, wait, that's BFM, something I listen to when I've had enough with the "Black music" singing mostly about how horny they are or white boy trying to rap like da brothers yo.... It's kind of amusing to listen to how a white "black wanabe" Eminem slams a black "white wanabe" Michael Jackson in a talking "singing wanabe" music we call "rap". Actually, I think it was Jules and Prem on the Fly Fm chatting away. I'm pretty sure it was not Hitz FM because I haven't been feeling mentally retarded for quite some time now.

What were the DJs talking about? Well, whadaya know...It's that cliche topic "Can men and women be just friends". Oh! For Gawd's sakes, can they move on to some other up to date topic like, "Can men and women still remain friends after they shag each other stupid once upon a Heinnekken?" or something like that. Then there will be the battle among sexes. Guys will say this and gals will say that, sometimes more to spite each other rather than answering the question, which was kind of cool for me.


If it's not for my loosing my hands-free,well, actually I still would not have called to tell them the answer. Fortunate for the human species, the answer is not 42 (hah..trust some Artificial Intelligent being to come up with an answer. Oh, and you've got to be a fan of Douglas Adams to understand what I've just said). What is the answer you ask me? Well of course there is an answer. It's just that I don't have it with me. You see, the truth is OUT THERE, not in here. But if you insist on me answering a question for the heck of answering, well then, then my answer would be "Yes of course a man and a woman can be just friends!!! If one of them is homosexual......duuuuuhhhhhh...". I think gay men and women make the best of friends. Besides, there's no competition for total men out there amongst women and gay men because, if you're gay, you're gay, it just happen to be that way. Gay men don't go after straight guys.

Okay, here's the rest of the answer for those who are straight ; "Yes, a man and a woman can be just friends only if the woman decided so". I say that not because I'm a sexist, but via my observation through time, based on my experience and the experience of others that confided in me. Besides, most of my closes friends are guys...I know what goes on in their minds because, sometimes, they tend to forget that I am a woman.....Noooo...not because I'm not attractive..it's because I lay down the terms and take control...just show them it's more fun being friends than having women as sex objects...(why...?! You actually were gullible enough to think that men actually evolved from apes? Psssstttt.....they never did you know....they have yet to evolve someday when it comes to their luuuuuuurrrrve tool...)
( Click below to find out why "men and women cannot be just friends unless..." and some video scenes from "When Harry Met Sally").

You can't blame men for this. It's just that nature have it that way, that they have to share the total body blood supply amongst two heads. You can't trust an oxygen deprived male brain (the actual gray matter)when it goes into autopilot mode. All the more should it be intoxicated with alcohol, although sometimes, poor ol' alcohol gets the blame when men looks for loop holes to fill up holes using alcohol as a lame excuse. Sometimes they're not even drunk yet before those hands starts sending drones. This is why, women should get drunk only with gal pals. Okay, perhaps not a very good suggestion as you never know, the next day you wake up, suddenly you've become an overnight lesbian. Well, unless of course if you want to, otherwise, just don't get drunk. Drinking and driving may just be the least of your problems. Here, listen to what Harry said:



I can go on and on, but I've decided to post another scene from "When Harry met Sally". This clip is a little long, but it summarizes the whole "Why it is women who can control the situation to just keep it as just friends". Take a peep...this is what happened "When Harry Shagged Sally"...



Notice how Harry's expression differs from Sally's during the aftermath? Well, ladies...do the math......


I hear someone say that "well, they ended up happily ever after". My dear friends, I have bad news for you. Happily ever after only occur in small percentage of statistics. It's so rare, that was why they made it into a movie!!!

I mean, watch this happy ending here and tell me this happens in real life; It's endearing no doubt..but still...surreal...



I know...it's this kind of happy ending that make those who make the bigger portion that made up the statistics of unhappy endings, do idiotic things in the name of love.....

"Friendship is more tragic than love. It lasts longer"
- Oscar Wilde -

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To love and be loved in return....how now?

I was going through my CD collection, in an effort to compile most of these songs into an iPod, (yes, it’s time to move a step forward from the Dinosaur Age) when my eyes locked gaze with Nat King Cole. I was not born in the era of artists like Oscar Peterson, Nat King Cole, Duke Ellington, Ella Fitzgerald and many more, but having an uncle who was fond of playing even the National Anthem in jazz arrangement, somehow helped made me appreciate conventional jazz, even more than I do the fusion and fission version. The oldies seem to have songs with simple melody and a simpler lyric that do not offend or cause discomfort to the genital areas of some listeners. You don’t know what I mean? Well, take Pussycat Dolls songs for example. I won’t even bother to comment on the market strategy of the group name (pussy…yeah….), so let me go straight to the lyrics;

Funny how a man only thinks about the..
You got a real big heart
And he’s lookin’ at yer…
You got a real big brain
But he’s lookin’ at yer…
Girl there ain’t no pain in me lookin’ at yer..

“I don’t give a damn
keep lookin’ at maah…
cause it don’t mean a thayng if yer lookin’ at maah…
ammedo maah thayng while you’re playin’ withcha..”
(some heavy breathing HAH HAH HAH ensues…)

My pussy though, (as in my kampong cat) can co a better job with the lyrics by summarizing the whole lines to a simple “NNNGGGAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUU” that comes from deep within the gut. Now, every cat in the neighborhood understands that simple lyric to be a booty call. Pussy cat doll, my foot!!! It is a tragedy though, to the music industry, that the melody is damn catchy!! It is not amusing when you get caught singing the lyrics without you realizing you’re actually singing when your ears are stuffed with them earphones, and some guy with a big PAS turban happen to understand what you’re humming about. Hmm…maybe that is why they go around in that white jubah; to hide all possibility of erection from environmental stimulations, be it intentional or otherwise.

Now, listen to the lyrics of Nat King Cole’s “Nature Boy” and tell me they instill wisdom and love, (the kind of love where the actual head do the thinking). The main words that struck me right through the heart was, “The greatest thing, you’ll ever learn, is to love and be loved in return”.



I wish the modern lyricists would quit writing garbage mainly expressing how horny a person can feel within that 4 minutes of melody and start unraveling how is it that in this modern times, we can learn how to love and be loved in return.
I mean, I have absolutely no idea what love is anymore. On second thoughts, I do. But I don’t know how to find it, or should I just chill and let it find me…again? Can I be lucky the second time around? I’m dead sure I’m not alone in this.
In this modern life, relationship is complicated. Halt!! Let me rephrase that. Relationship is simple, but human have evolved into this complicated species, ergo complicates a simple matter such as a relationship. Then again, if we manage to complicate a grave thing like a religion, what’s complicating a relationship right? a piece of cake, no doubt.
(more on relationships, if you dare...., click below)

If anyone ever wonder why the rate of divorce had gone up since the days when Doris Day was prancing around in clothes that do not show off what her mama gave her, it’s because women have become more independent and refuse to tolerate men’s rubbish. Our mothers seem to have high tolerance rate for their men, which I think is kind of cool because women have accepted the fact that most men just grow old, but they hardly grow up, but women had since lowered their threshold of putting up with men’s nonsense, and they do not hesitate to exercise their women’s right hence the increase number of divorce cases we hear lately.

What nonsense you ask me? Some men and women mistook philandering as another adventure like back packing or traveling, but compared to men, women who are married are less likely to get involved in an extramarital affairs. We would rather imagine an extraterrestrial affair rather than an extramarital affair. Conscience no longer haunt the soul of people who took the vow in a contract called marriage, yet continue to live their lives as though they a singleton. When God encourages us to be active socially, He did not mean sexually active in society, I’m sure. But is divorce is such a taboo? Is divorce worst than say, staying miserable in a marriage? Having said that, I believe, a couple should exhaust all efforts to maintain and work things out, before they put up the white flag. After all, marriage is a vow, the decision to keep it solely ours to make. If we decide to keep a vow, we’ll do everything necessary we can to keep it, but I think if all else fails, including the sincere and tenacious effort to keep a marriage alive, perhaps divorce is a way out to staying insane.

Women have passed the age of depending solely on men. Love a man not because you need him. Need him because you love him. Since some women do not need men to be financially stable, why bother love him. That may explain women becoming choosy when it comes to tying the knot, all because she can afford to do so. After all, why bother buying a whole pig when all you need is a pound of sausage. Oh well, maybe 3 pounds. Can’t tell because sausages are evaluated by their circumference and length, the last time I checked.

As for men, they can afford to be choosy because there is 3:1 ratio of women to men today. So, instead of having to work out a marriage,on top of trying to handle the overrated mid life crisis, why bother to sweat when he can just settle for a younger meat, take a shortcut, and file for divorce. To make matters worse, current world population showed that women have outnumbered men. If you think things cannot go any more worst than that, men have decided that being cavemen is so not retro,and they’ve become confused with too many choices of women, some decided to just become gay. The ample women pool now have less men to tame, so they too, in the spirit of “if men can do it, so can we” (although no one brag about being able to pee straight from 3feet away from the source of urine) decided to become lesbians. I can grasp the concept of gay men, but what is there to rub in between two woman that is more satisfying than the conventional method? I’m just old fashion and a bigot, tell me to my face and I really could not care less.

I am old fashion when it comes to relationships. Although I personally use the Smart Tag on the road, on the contrary, I believe that “touch and go” should just be exercised on the toll, not in relationships. I don’t dig one-night stands just as I don’t dig Mawi. I’ve seen enough highly communicative people ending up in my clinic for treatment of equally highly communicable diseases. Trust me, once you experience warts in your love tool, you ain’t gonna feel that lovey dovey no more…

Where do all these life’s complication leaves us all? A little lonely I guess. Oh, even in marriage a person can still feel lonely, even though he/she is not alone in a physical sense of it. What can one say except, c’est la vie. Someone asked me why I’ve stopped dating. It’s been 9 years now since the death of my loving husband. Well, I did start dating again after 3 years of mourning for his death, but it has been one disappointment after another. If it’s not me being too good for someone, apparently I was told by them as a break up line, which for once they actually meant it,(I can’t act like a dumb blonde just to get laid can I?) or we both decided that we were better off as friends, or it’s that someone who is just an asshole. Most of the time, men gets intimidated by me. Well, I don't intend to not be myself just not to intimidate them - it kind of separates the boys from the men actually).

Either or, they all ended up with disappointments. So much so, that I’ve grown comfortable in being disappointed, I prefer not to go out on a date at all. I’ve reached my 40s and the best thing in life when a woman reaches her 40s, is that they already know what they want in life. As for me, I’ve already tasted true love. I won’t settle for less. I no longer see the need to put up with crap just so I can show the world that I have somebody in my life. A spouse is not like what a new handbag is to a woman, or a Harley Davidson is to a man with a midlife crisis. When you grow wiser, all you want is a companion and it doesn’t really have to be a person of the opposite sex, (and I do not mean this in a lesbian manner). After all, before you fell in love for the first time, your life alone before that had been happy too. Besides, everyone dies alone. If all else fails, well, there is always Prozac to help you get by those sleepless nights…(Prozac is the official companion for relationships – with or without )

I know this is rather a pessimistic and cynical view of love. Don’t be fooled by it. When true love comes, you will be left with no choice but to embrace it, trust me on this one. I’ve live and loved long enough to believe in serendipity and in destiny. That was how I met my hubby.

So for the women out there who are frantic upon being alone, well, don’t. Stop making excuses for men should they fail to call you back after that date. It’s not that they are too busy, or too confused or their fingers caught fire and could not touch that dial, it’s simply because they are not into you. No point pondering why, just carry on with life. Do not think a failed relationship is a waste of time, because it is in failure that you learn and become wiser. You are what you are today because of what you learn in life before this. Have faith and your wishes will flower. Someday somehow some way…true love will come knocking on your door…..and you’d be surprised that you are happy that there is no other door that have the word “EXIT” on it..

Ummmm......., I think someone ought to gently break to her the bad news..


err..there is no such person as the perfect man/woman...it's the perfect for each other we should be looking for...
Click here if you have the passion and patience to read more!!...

Tribute To MJ - Best Dance Performances

Despite the controversy surrounding Michael Jackson, here is how most of us would like to remember him.......We Love You Michael...


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We are Ordinary People

In a course of my job,many a times I've come across questions that made me answer for the heck of answering, yet manage to keep me awake some nights, actually pondering over it. One of the frequently asked question is "How do we make it in a relationship? What is the secret to it's longevity? Wait, that is two question. Oh well, perhaps they are redundant, but you get my point.

I've been in quite a few relationships, yet, no, I have no idea why things turn out well, or why they turn and headed through the door. I would however, have an idea of what makes me want to stay and play, and what makes me flee. Well, if you've been in enough relationships and manage to savor the last piece of your heart from crushing, even if you don't know what you are looking for in a partner, you sure as hell know what you don't!!

Then along came John Legend. When I heard his song, Ordinary People, it finally dawned to me...

Have a listen, if not browse through the lyrics below the video. Yea..yea..so I'm a control freak....sue me..

In a way, he answered some of my questions, if not all. Perhaps he will answer yours.
Maybe when someone ask me the question again, I'll just pass them this song in a CD and tell them, "Go figure....."



"Ordinary People"

[Verse 1]

Girl I'm in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss then we make up on the way

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby you and I

We are ordinary people
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