Dating A Recycled Man

Many people say that unless you have the energy for a relationship roller coaster, gamble and not know what will come out of it, feel free to get involve with a "recycled man". Okay, I'm not trying to be a feminist here. The reason why I am not addressing a "recycled woman", (there is a recycled man, ergo there will inevitably be a recycled woman, unless we are talking about paranormal relationships, of which I am not.), is simply because I have never dated one.

So who is this man branded as "recycled", you may wonder? Well, it's a term that has been going on longer than the time I first lost my virginity, and that was looooong time ago..He's a man who have had failed relationships, got hurt over and over,ergo, termed recycled. I know. We are all damaged and recycled goods, but hey, I'm just recycling the term that is already in the market.

Like I've said before, we're all recycled and damaged goods. It's just how we handle broken relationships that will differ us from becoming a heart breaker, or a person who picks himself up, shake off the blues and get back in the quest of searching for our soul mates.

We don't need soul mates you argue with me. Well, sorry honey, we do. We're humans and we are designed that way. If you don't think so, then you're still in denial. Anyway, most of us function very well in society, some even hold top posts yet, we walk around feeling powerful because we are in control of many people's lives, yet we can't seem to get a hold on ours. Some of us walk around looking with deceptive aura of supremacy that we carry along as we walk past the corridor of our offices, feeling hollow. Of course that is but another story.

It is okay if you are lucky enough to have that recycled man learn something out of the previous broken relationships. But we all know that most men grow old, they hardly grow up. So you'd be lucky if you are involved in one who is matured.


I've gotten involved with such a person. A recycled man. It was hard (in a non harlot aspect of it), because it gives the term "fly kites" a new meaning. It's like with him, I was pulling and tugging one minute, then I could sense that I have to loosen the grip on the string in order to let him fly away just a little bit, before the whole process of tugging is repeated.

You can see him struggling with his emotions. He gets uncomfortable with feeling comfortable with you. It's like it is his mission to not get close to anyone. If I observe close enough, he reminded me of Smeagol from The Lord of The Ring, strugging between two personalities, one let himself go to his emotions and learn to love again, the other, opposing this very idea. Lucky thing he did not look like Smeagol, otherwise the involvement would have never even started. Or perhaps it was actually unlucky.

Actually, on second thoughts, no relationships be it bad or good is unlucky because you will learn something when it is over. That would make you more experienced and help you choose better in the next relationships (well, until you find the right on of course to spend the rest of your life with.). Even if you don't know what you're looking for, you'd definitely know by now what you ARE NOT looking for, so it kind of narrows the search spectrum, until one day, you will find yourself not looking at all because the spectrum had gotten so narrow and you have become so choosy that there is no one left to date...heh..heh...Kind of like what I'm going through right now. It's a nice feeling actually. I'd rather be alone rather than living in a lie, or simulated "happiness" when you get in a relationship for the heck of it. It's all or none law for me, yessirreee...

He is a divorcee. Now, there is a difference between dating a divorcee and dating a widow. The later will make you find yourself in constant competition with the late spouse. She'd be the most kind human being on earth when she is dead, even though she use to be the wife from hell when she was alive. Her death would automatically turn her into this angel in his mind. A divorce may think that you are his ex every time both of you get into a fight. Either way, you are seen as somebody else, other than yourself.

Truth be told, a recycled man is like this unstable atom that had been discharged and on it's way to looking for that next proton or electron to stabilize himself again. In the process of stabilizing, you may get repelled or worse, used and then chucked aside like that last rag you put outside your toilet door, yes, the one you wipe your feet as you are on the way out of the loo. Nothing wrong with that if you're in it for the ride actually. But if you're not, then you'd get hurt. Just like I did.

When should you date a recycled man? When he's out of that commitment phobic phase and had realized that everything in life ends, sooner or later. It's just too bad that it ended up sooner for them. But life has to go on and he will heal, albeit how he heeled depends on how he wants to do so, or whether he wants to heel at all. If he had decided to be wreckless about relationships, then any woman he encounters and decided to get close on the way to his personal healing, may suffer, should, may I reiterate, the woman is looking for the real thing, not just a fling. Otherwise, than I guess it's okay.

Nobody wants to be be a widow or a divorcee or to be alone. But we all know that there are certain things in life that one cannot fully control, even for a control freak for that matter. That is when you know God exists. But we are granted the gift of choice. We can make choices to either hurt people or just don't, when we take a step into the journey of recovering our lives. I believe in Karma. Also known as Qada' and Qadar. Just like how things will end, sooner or later, what goes around will come around, sooner or later......

To all the recycled men and women out there, it is okay to hurt and get back into the game if you still have the energy. We're only human and there is this journey in life we and only we alone will have to take. It's called destiny. Hurting is part of the process. That's when we grow and learn. But try not to hurt others while on your own journey towards recovery...... Because Karma lurks out in one of those corners. Do not underestimate the power of good communication.. Only with effective, honest communications, one may spare the other, the hurtful feelings. Because via communication and honesty, one can understand why the other have to end things.....Like I said before, things end. It's how you handle it that will make the difference...