Mother warned me there will always be one of those days...

They say "Loneliness kills". Then how come I'm still alive? Funny, how life can sometimes turn out to be. What you plan did not turn out the way you'd expected it to and things you don't expect, sneaks insidiously and jump right onto your face to surprise you when you least expect it to. (well, it's not redundant because I'm including the surprise you're sometimes forced to fake...like your bloody birthday. Past 40 years old, you'd wish that your birthday wish will finally come true..that everyone including yourself will forget it. Unfortunately, some cheerful annoyingly optimistic character will without fail remind you what you prefer to forget and next thing you know, you HAVE to act surprise when people surprise you with a birthday surprise...ring a bell? So basically, although grammatically incorrect, "surprise you when you least expect it to" is NOT redundant when one is to apply the actual meaning).

Yupp. Life is funny that way. Maybe the Guy up there is having fun with all of us. After all, if you ask me, He's doing one heck of a super great job that He deserves to have fun once in a while.

Loneliness is something most people experience, yet are reluctant to talk about. It is as though when we talk about loneliness, we are rendering ourselves vulnerable. In a way it is true. I've had experience with people who prey on others' loneliness. Lesson learned is wisdom gained, unless of course, one did not learn from one's mistake. Making a mistake is just human. Not learning from it is just so lame. As for the opportunist, I don't worry, there's always karma to deal with them.

The beauty, well, one of many, about God is that He grants us human a gift called "free will". We are given the freedom to choose. Same as many other things in life, one is given the freedom to choose how he wants to handle this feeling called loneliness. You can choose to indulge in self pity and get drifted away, swallowed and drowned in an abyss of loneliness. Or you may choose to use loneliness as a tool to become creative. It is said that loneliness is the driving force of many famous artists and scientists. Then again, many suffer from depression and bipolar diseases, then unknown and was not an actual diagnosis. It was just called simply, "madness". How simple life was back then, when gay use to mean just.... happy.

For those who think that loneliness can be solved by marriage, well, only if you're lucky enough to have married your soul mate. You can be married yet still feel lonely. That is why I cannot understand it when someone claims that he/she is planning to get married in so and so timing. How can that be possible? You cannot time falling in love, so how exactly can you time a marriage? Unless of course you've found the one perfect for each other and timing is just of choice, then those claims are justified. Thinking back, I recall that that was the reason why I left my ex boyfriend. He proposed to me about three times and I was never ready. He loved me a lot, that I know. What I wasn't sure was, did he proposed because he loved me as much as I needed him to, or was it because he needed me to fit into his planner.

Life's funny that way. Out of billions of people on the surface of the earth most people have problems looking for the "perfect for each other". Some need go make a couple of mistakes before they ended up finding that perfect companion. How ironic is that? Out of that billions of people one should expect it an easy task to look for "the one"...hhhmmmhhh.....

Why am I writing all this? I don't know. Maybe because I'm feeling kind of lonely right about now, and want to tell the world that it's okay to feel lonely and there's nothing shameful admitting it. It's sort of a reminder that we are after all, human. Just like a storm that hit you and hit you hard, you'll just have to learn to wade it through, stay afloat, stay alive or even come up with something creative out of the whole ordeal. That guy who discovered electricity did just that when he felt the jolt as he touched the kite's strings as it waded through a stormy weather.

Through all this, do remember that God is always with you. He is as close to you as your jugular veins are. After sometime, you will get that warm fuzzy feeling like you're loved, and although you may be alone, you're not lonely anymore.......well, not until the next attack....